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How Long Did It Take From Divorce/separation To Being Happily Married (or Happily In A Relationship)

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SuiDhaaga, Dec 26, 2021.

  1. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I know everyone's journey is different, but can the ladies who were first in bad marriage and then went to fantastic marriage tell me how long it took?

    For me, the escape was finalized 6 years ago.

    Also, what does it mean to love yourself? I have many flaws (and I can see why I am low on the totem pole at work) for which I realize now, and I feel bad.

    Any advice please.
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    For sure You must be having lot of positives.Everyone does but many fail to see and acknowledge it.

    For self love one needs to stop expecting external validation as people speak from their perceptions.

    write down a list of things you live about yourself.

    Write down a list about things you really live to do.

    Write down a list about which areas of your life needs improvement.


    From these lists you can gain better clarity.

    Then the healing will begin.


    As a married woman..with a good spouse let me assure you own thing..I will still say my husband does not complete me but ONLY I AM complete on my own and reason for my happiness.

    No relationship will be without flaws.It’s about how much you are willing to accept,tolerate and level of patience without getting externally influenced.

    Be your own influencer.

    Then you gain more awareness.

    Do not judge and seek your life based on google researches or others opinions.

    You are your own boss and you need to decided what u really want.with acceptance and awareness everything will fall in place.

    All the very best:
     
  3. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I think I still crave validation from others. That's why I talk to rear-retiring people in office who really don't want to talk to me. They will pretend to be nice, but when you least expect it, they will insult by saying, "you on drugs", or "you collect drugs"

    When I call them out on this rude behavior they say they are just joking.

    And this guy has daughters around my age! How would he like if someone made rude comments to them!

    It is hard to write list, but I shall try!

    i am discouraged by google, people's social media profiles, etc

    You are right, let me figure exactly what I want.

    This time I am praying to find my Beloved in year 2022. But I guess this takes time (and work on my part!)
     
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  4. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Honestly I cannot think of one good thing about myself.

    I have seen ugliness, I have been treated with ugliness (especially by people who are simply garbage).

    I strive to create beautiful things in my life, whether it is up-cycling a skirt or adding embellishments to a plain winter cap.

    When I see or remember scenes of Indian and Pakistani serials where a couple is married, I shudder back at my earlier memories. The couple treated each other with respect.

    Best part is, I didn’t know I was being mistreated because I normalized the mistreatment I received from people my whole life.

    Maybe your extroverted cousin is similar.

    Deep in her heart she doesn’t like people but she hates being alone that she normalized their petty and back-stabbing behavior.
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Social media is fake.Period.

    You should focus more on yourself and don’t worry If people Dont wanna talk to you.You have your own self respect.

    Nobody will highlight their negative points in social media.just don’t take it top seriously.
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    It is a serial.Not real.

    Dont have expextations from
    Others.Detach yourself.

    Why r u putting others in a pedestal that they have to validate you??

    They r just another normal human being with way too many skeletons in their closet.They also have too many insecurities.Don’t give them Importance.

    Your life will change and feel
    Only from your point of view.Start with awareness .
     
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  7. drdiva

    drdiva Silver IL'ite

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    ..
    Everyones journey is different..but one thing is for sure that u can start loving yourself any day and right away.Just do things u love to do..like travelling..reading ..Groom urself..u know so many people in so called loving relationships are not able to do all this and crave for this life that single people have..I strongly feel with so many single people doing great jn their lives marriage and kids will no longer b necessary milestonesin the future..
    Marry only if u get someone awesome od for that matter stay in marriage only if u feel awesome:smirk:
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    One more thing..

    You groom yourself just for yourself.

    You are absolutely fine the way u are.

    The person should like who for who u really are.

    That’s when things are a success.

    Relax dear.All the very best and hope ur dreams come true in 2022.
     
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  9. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    You are right. I was seeing social media of high profile males who come on finance shows, etc.

    Their tweets are not even their own. And they only want women fir casual encounters, not even a regular girlfriend.

    At work I only talk to people if it is work related. Sometimes you do learn from older workers because they have experience (in this case, the worker doesn’t have daughters around me age, so he doesn’t see me as a competitor)

    Bur yes, we should not talk to people who disrespect us, even as “joke”
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2021
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  10. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Befor I got married this devil was put in pedestal because of his lies and I stupidly agreed.

    And by looking at male’s social media because they have money, appear on TV like finance news shows, I guess I have been putting them on pedestal (certainly they have skeletons in their closets)

    of course serials nowadays are fake.

    back in 80s, 90s Pakistani dramas were more real (even now so, but I’m sure they stretch things)

    I remember a scene where new groom gifted new bride a doll. My parents explained that in their society it is normal for a girl of marriageable age to still enjoy dolls (the girl seemed like a big grown up to me at the time, but she was probably late teens, early 20s)

    what I am saying is, I just don’t know how respect from Husband to Wife looks like.

    and perhaps I may never know. I must do my own thing and bloom,
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2021

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