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How Is Romance After Many Years Of Marriage? Realistically

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Needtobestrong, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. Dynamite

    Dynamite Senior IL'ite

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    An interesting question .Like many of you I was into Mills and Boon books and gave some much importance to romance , surprises , compliments during the first few years of marriage . I don’t know if I should call him romantic or not but he is someone who doesn't express his feelings or compliment anyone .I don’t think he has ever noticed what I wear but at times he has surprised me with his gestures

    Now at this stage of life I don’t expect anything romantic from him .I am more than happy if he is a supporting and a caring husband (which he is ) and all I crave for is a comfortable lifestyle, good job and decent relationship with people . I am still a fan of romantic novels and movies .After reading a book or watching a romantic movie I do crave for those kinds of romances but that feeling is temporary. End of the day I need a peaceful life romance or no romance doesn’t matter
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I was a big fan of mills and booms as a teen but all those books are written by women!:) The authors write their own fantasies in their book.

    I used to be swayed away by the romance shown in movies and things we hear but we forget to “notice” the romance which we experience in our day to day lives and it gets camouflaged by other thoughts and actions.

    I remember when my husband said that I looked pretty in that saree only to find my relative aunties who were near me blushing.It was weird as to why they are reacting to a very normal comment.Maybe for them it is romantic and they expect from their husbands!

    One of my friend used to go to a very fav and beautiful restaurant with her husband and I used to envy her but she used to say it is so boring to go to that same restaurant a zillion times..

    I realized once we have it..we take it for granted.


    I whine,lament and get frustrated with my hubby and we have crazy fights but until now he has utmost respect and has always been encouraging.I cannot even imagine to be with any other guy and feel complete with him.That is romantic for me.

    When I was tired and sleepy in a hillstation vacation long time back,when I got up..I missed dinner time.My hubby had got me dal and rice which made me mad!I wanted paneer and briyani but he told me dal is better at that late night and won’t be heavy.This is a simple matter but the thought about how He does not want me to feel bloated with a heavy meal is care and that is romance.

    Romance out of lust is never lasting.character and how we get treated
    By our spouse is real romance
     
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  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    So many mills and boon fans just like me :rolleyes:
    If only my husband would atleast make a few romantic gestures now and then...it doesn't stop me from fishing for compliments by asking " how am I looking in this outfit " or reminding him many days in advance about birthdays, valentine's day and anniversary and nagging him to take me out somewhere or buy me a gift!! ! Because i know he won't plan anything on his own unless I tell him! If I try to click romantic selfies with them they dont come well as he would just be staring into the camera with a serious look and I would be smiling nicely!! Hehe..
    Of course we have had many terrible fights all these years and dint speak to each other for many days...still after facing so many ups and downs and becoming older and mature the teenager in me is still there...
    I'm just wondering whether I can consider a career as an author of M&B Indian romance books ? Since im anyway sitting at home..I may just do a decent job of it and put across my ideas on paper.:rolleyes::wave1:
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2020
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  4. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Did you all feel there is more romance when you don't live with inlaws or our own parents? or is it just me? Also, how do you feel about romance after kids?
     
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  5. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes..
    Romance is better in nuclear family...
    As there is more privacy and freedom..
    Can Express feelings openly and resolve conflicts openly also as no one is there to watch and judge...
    Of course depends..if there are some deep rooted conflicts between husband and wife then romance will be non existent even if elders are not staying with them...
    After kids I think more efforts have to be taken but romance is not ruled out, so many friends post romantic vacation pics along with kid/kids so assuming they are still very much in love.
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    My husband is very romantic!
    He surprises me with gifts and cards and often takes me to long drive withome nice melodies in our car.
    He could easily light up my days and lift all the stress away.

    Apart from flimsy romance, he is supportive in many ways. He cooks, does the laundry and even took my side when PILs had issues with me.

    We are that couples who post romantic pics in FB... bcz we simply love outing and taking pics together.

    It's been 11 yrs since we are married and we have 2 kids.

    However, that doesn't complete our marriage. We still have many other unresolved issues in life.

    My H being extremely irresponsible and very poor at financial management and his inability to provide for our family'station need - thus making me to be the sole provider are the battles that I face in marriage.

    Life offers husbands at different shades.
    For some like you a perfect responsible man and a good provider yet not so romantic husband.
    For some like me an irresponsible, kiddish man yet a romantic hero.

    To each their own...
     
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  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for sharing your experience...
    But my issue goes beyond romance...
    My husband is not as perfect as you describe...
    The example which I gave in my original post is about my relative...
    There are many things which I face like I don’t have financial freedom for many things, no respect as I’m not working, he always supports what in laws say even if sometimes in correct...
    I needed to arrange extra domestic helps when I had health issue recently but couldn’t do so due to lack of freedom in domestic matters...my domestic help took long leave and I had to do all domestic chores when in pain...with toddler to look after and old in-laws who can do only limited help.
    I took painkiller meds and did my share of chores without depending on anyone...
    He could have allowed me arrange an additional maid for extra tasks but didn’t...even though it would not have cost very much...
    I’m adjusting so much for his sake and maintaining all traditions...
    In laws are here with us all the time unless they have to travel somewhere...
    He likes me as an ideal DIL for his parents but not much romantic interest in me...
    I know how much adjustments I make to stay peacefully with previous generation people..
    Domestic chores I do on my own , i cook pretty well still no respect or appreciation...
    Apart from being unromantic it’s also no intimacy...
    Both of us are your age group only then unexpected..
    Been ages since we went on vacation...I also don’t nag him for vacation s or expensive gifts as I understand his work pressures and very irregular timings and I know I shouldn’t waste money and he needs rest on weekends ...but does he appreciate what an understanding wife he has? No.
    If we go together outside as couple all think we are very happy together...
    But I know why I feel unhappy many times...
    My friends have high opinion of my H and would be quite surprised to know inner story...
    But I know that no husband is perfect...I should work on romance part maybe instead of being miserable always...
    I hope I can make him supportive in future...
    I don’t know if I’m being unrealistic about romance, but if he is little more supportive and we have less fights I wouldn’t have cared about romance.
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Romance these days means keeping each others feet warn under under the quilt :).I love winters:hearteyes:
     
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