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How Important Is Socializing To You?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Oct 22, 2019.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Socializing and having people around is “therapeutic” but how long can one depend on others company all the time to Keep us sane?

    I had some good friends back in India and we talk on phone but it’s not like meeting in person.The two good friends I made in America moved back to India for good.My neighbors are slowly moving away as their kids left for college..so how far can one depend on socialization to make us happy?

    It is tiring to start all over again.Some do not even respond when they find a new social circle:)

    Relationships need not be perfect but one needs to feel some comfort level with the other person.Superficial warmth is never good and I have been to social settings where people literally have invisible daggers behind others back.

    “Proximity” is another important reason for relationships to grow.

    Investing time and Energy over friendships to see them move away to a different state is painful.
    I have a neighbor who is my well wisher and a good friend and she is moving away to Texas now..I am going to miss her too much:(.I take a very long time warm Up but I get attached to people too much if I like them.


    Too far to think but if I do not have a social circle is what will I do when My kid leaves for college and when am old?especially in America?

    My uncle who retired from a high back position that too being in India is lamenting about how lonely he is...my in-laws every time I call say “you will know when you get old.life is depressing at that age”..

    Now she is my fourth very good friend who is moving away..

    I don’t mind making friends but the “effort” is tiring..

    How often do you guys need or feel to socialize?How dependent are you on your social contacts?
     
    deeparull, hermitcrab and Viswamitra like this.
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  2. ubhatt

    ubhatt New IL'ite

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  3. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Hi you forgot to respond:)
    My answer is just copy and pasted
     
  4. ubhatt

    ubhatt New IL'ite

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    Hi Anika
    I can well imagine your plight coz I am sailing in the same boat. It s been a year since I have come to andthe US and I have still not made any friends. I am not working and my son is in college.. Back in India ,I have a wide circle of friends who I talk to everyday to kill time.. A nuclear family like mine ,I feel I need friends to share my thoughts with .Once a week is good enough ,to socialize .It rejuvenate s you,spice you up for the next seven days.. What do you think?
     
    Viswamitra and anika987 like this.
  5. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    The longevity of people's sanity depends on what they believe, and how many doubts crop up in their beliefs. Because..
    Do you have a daily things-to-do list, weekly, monthly, yearly, five-yearly etc..? Think back to 10 years ago.... and imagine where you had thought you'd end up when you are as old as you are now. This could snap you out of long term flutters of the heart.

    bank ? People who need work-colleagues should go out to work. The retired from high-bank-jobs could easily pay for it -- in money as well as intangibles: this is what volunteerism is all about. Or pay membership in a club, where all the like-minded gather and peeve about what a drag life is.

    You can visit and see new places where familiar people are living.
    Make more virtual friends; these types don't come to your house and expect to find you in a clean house without any mess. And besides, these types prove wrong the notion:
    When you give sufficient distance....there'd be no sharp objects to hurt you:
    And people also claim to suffer a lot from invisible wounds from invisible daggers.
     
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  6. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Small ones, Once in a few days
    n that could be as simple as just catching up for a walk in our society.
    Or a chat session with a group of ladies
    It could even be just for a few mins, it’s just to get some ladies conversation going n laugh, etc.

    Big ones, once a month like
    a night out
    A lunch
    Coffee
    Getogether
    Celebration

    I also try to be a part of any community / festival events as I don’t restrict myself religious wise.

    I do agree that it comes with its own set of challenges. There are dramas n groupism, etc. We just have to find our place n our person or people in that. It’s not easy but humans are social beings. We can’t live alone, we have to co exist. We need other human beings help even for our basic necessities like food, clothes, shelter, etc.

    I myself have moved so many times in the past years, that I have to literally start over in every new place. It’s exhausting to leave old friends n even more to make new ones.

    But what other choice do I have ? To be exhausted n sit quietly without any friends ? No, I start over because ’I’ need it n at the same time am connected with the old ones in some ways or the other.
     
    hermitcrab and anika987 like this.
  7. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Socializing is important once you have kids. When you meet new people, go with a open mind and leave any prejudices and insecurities back home. Don’t get too attached though. Change is the only constant and you will not have the same group of friends all your life.
    Your friends are moving on, so should you.
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I gave up on making "family friends" many years ago. Too many parameters to mind in that. Now, I have my friends, DH has his friends, we have some friends we meet as couples, the kids have their own friends. All of us can drive. : )

    I wouldn't call it socialize which brings up visions of potlucks or families meeting once in 1-3 months. I like to think of it as human contact in person. How often? I go out for one-on-one lunch/coffee or weekday dinner 1-1 with friends a few times a month, about 5-8 times perhaps. We meet in groups of 3-4 a few times a year. Mr. and I meet some long time friends in fancy restaurants (no kids) a few times a year. Whole family socializing with another "whole" family is very rare now.

    The above are enjoyable but dispensable. What is not dispensable is the support and camaraderie I have with a few friends mainly through phone, text and email, and with the occasional in-person meeting. They know me inside out. Can tell my state of mind from an unusual pause when texting back and forth. Or, if i take too long to press <enter> when typing a response. : ) I feel if we lived closer to each other, or met more often, the proximity bug would rise. Each of us values the friendship enough to give it room to breathe.

    Random thought: how come thread hasn't gone to 4 pages yet. : )
     
  9. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    To answer your question
    It's somewhere on the scale of eating chips for me compared between daily meals and Pizza in Italy. It's fun it's energy booster, it's stress buster. But one of the many things that can achieve these goals.
    I love my company I am fabulous, funny, entertaining, good listener for myself and I love my advice the best. Jokes apart, since my family has always been very spiritual not necessarily much into poojas, vrat and rituals but we have taken diksha from our gurus and meditate is an essential part of life. That brings you to a different level of detachment. I love some perks but can totally do without. Plus I am lazy. Hate to get up early get ready go to meet people sometimes cook after coming back is not my favourite use of time. Same with having people over. The clean up, preparation and clean up again is just not worth it all the time. So I only indulge in these a few times a year. Don't have any friends here who are at the level of inviting over or meeting frequently. And somehow not many have been of the caliber.
    Doesn't mean I am a loner though. I have an amazing family that I regularly talk to. Some fabulous friends I meet every trip and talk on phone. We may talk once a week otherwise but if one of us needs venting, talking, emotional support, I have friends who would call me twice a day and chat for hours. Imagine after retirement, if we could live in a lovely farm house with these besties 2 3 months of the year without husband or family. That would be ideal socializing. I have seen this somewhere on TV. Felt like damn good idea.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2019
  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @anika987,

    My category of friendships include types such as, 1) ones that exist for over 50 years (cherishing our childhood), 2) ones that sail smoothly for many years with no animated discussion of differences (mostly peripheral), 3) ones that had multiple falling apart only to become stronger later (long lasting), 4) ones that became stronger in a short period of time and too quickly (unspecified reasons) and 5) ones that never blossomed into a defining friendship despite best effort by both (work in progress).

    I constantly review what causes friction in a friendship by analyzing my own behavior and came to know the following about myself:

    1) I am a loner by nature and many times I don't appreciate the need of the friends to interact with me closely.

    2) I like friends who tell me something new that helps me grow from my routine thinking and changes the trajectory of my life.

    3) I tend to have stronger friendship with people who are much younger than me. For some strange reason, my friendship with people of my age is not stable and I feel I have nothing to discuss with them.

    4) Those who are up front about what they are looking in a friendship with me attracts my best attention. It doesn't bother me if they have expectations but if they tell it up front, I believe it strengthens the friendship.

    5) Those who consider life as a celebration attracts my attention. In simple terms, I have no qualm about them sharing their problems but it becomes an issue only when that is the only thing we do when we meet. I prefer not to discuss my problems with my friends.

    Viswa
     

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