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How important is it to have common interests in Married Life?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by IL_Admin, Jan 6, 2015.

  1. IL_Admin

    IL_Admin Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Everyone,

    This thread would be the next in the series of threads that we start as part of the initiative - Building Positivity in Married Life forum.

    We had some beautiful responses to the last month discussion on why personal space is important in a marriage.

    Appreciate the well thought responses there from the following members:
    @Shanvy @Yellowmango @DKI @SGBV @Rihana @Viswamitra @Metamorphic @Harini73 @Poovai @Khushi78 @Uma @dsmenon

    Continuing with our approach to build positivity and to have general pro-active discussions useful for Married Life, here is the topic in the new year -

    "How important is it to have common interests in Married Life?"

    Share with us what
    you think. It could be something that you and your spouse love to do together. It could have become a part and parcel of your day to day life that you have forgotten its magic.

    You might have a sweet and romantic idea of spending time together - like sharing coffee time, going to the same concert/place/temple year after year, joining a class together, working out together, cooking together etc. Or equally interesting things like discussing finances or spending time together to help finish your kid's homework :)

    It can be anything that makes the time spent together worthy and helps foster your relationship. Make your pick and tell us why you feel it brings you both together.

    And if you feel that your marriage lacks a common ground, hang on to this thread. You will discover things about yourselves and go about saying, "Yes, we already do this. Why did I not think about it before?" or you will take home some pointers like "We should definitely try this!".

    Just to remind you of why spending time together is important, check this article.

    Looking forward to your responses...

     
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Common interests are the ones that connected us, and attracted us towards each other. They are the ones that makes our romantic life lively and most remarkable each time.

    In our case, we love to go on outing. Specially every year during our wedding anniversary we go to the same hotel (and possibly the same room) of our wedding night + honeymoon. We plan ahead in advance about the events, child care and sight seeing.

    Shopping is something we both love doing it. Specially shopping for kids.

    We love visiting our common friends. We have many of them in common from college and work times (as we were together almost all the time then). So, we make it as a routine to visit them or invite them over here.

    Cooking special dishes. We plan and cook together.

    But most of the time we both love to spend some lonely times without others (without even kids). During all these while, we spent those times in coffee shops or parks or in beautiful beaches for a while by walking, chatting or by snacking on our way back from the office as we had to commute long hrs.
     
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  3. Khushi78

    Khushi78 Silver IL'ite

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    It is definitely very important to have common interests in married life. It can enhance the togetherness tremendously. It acts as a catalyst to boost the romance in the relationship. Common interests may be very helpful during the retired life else it may become a compulsory "keep hubby busy by getting vegetables cut" situation
    I and DH don't have any specific hobbies in common but we do cook together many a times. We necessarily shop together. For ourselves or kids or for home decor. We both enjoy movies so watch many movies tog at theaters also and at home. Hobby wise we both are opposites but just by nature do things together and keep company to each other.
     
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  4. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    It is very important to have common interests in married life. My view of having the common interest is....having the intellectual connection, basics of human communication.

    This one comes after the physical attraction. To have a fulfilled marriage life, you need both physical attraction and the intellectual connection. After the initial phase of the marriage life, 2-indivual with different personalities are forced to spend the time together, talking.....arguing, criticizing, laughing, having fun etc

    When it comes to our life, we both have busy life at work. Not that kind of people, having the need to spend time together, every spare moment. We have our own hobbies, interest, friends. When we are together, we can have the conversation at ease with each other on any topic. One other major factor, we are in the same field and he trained/mentored me at the beginning of my career. I have tremendous respect for him and I am still the same 'moonstruck' person as few decades ago.

    Does the professional life (common interest) influence our marriage life? Yes, it does help in our case. It is beyond that respect, love, loyalty with each other.
     
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  5. Harini73

    Harini73 Platinum IL'ite

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    Spacing is essential of our married life>

    We enjoy watching TV together ,travelling together and in fact the early morning coffee we have together is something we look forward to daily.we talk and enjoy our coffee in the early morning.We have never compromised on that.We spent minimum 15 min for our coffee hour.:coffee


    In the beginning of my married life I also thought that being together meant doing everything together.But I came to know that spacing was as important as being together. when we went out one day and on the way I went to book stores to buy some books as I like reading books.The book store was a BODHI TREE for both of us. When I was happily browsing, my husband was getting impatient and getting thoroughly restless. Buckling to his impatience I picked a book which did not satisfy me ( more like I was not allowed to browse more)

    It was then we knew that there should be some gap between us to do things we wanted to and for which we had no mutual interest.

    My husband likes to experiment in food and also he is a Non Veg.But I like to stick to routine foods and I am a vegetarian. So he will either enjoy his food with his friends and some cousins once in a while, when I enjoy by relaxing and reading books.


    But of course we will share whatever we did the next morning in our coffee session.
     
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  6. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    Very important.

    Marrying a man who has no interests in particular or has just one interest (eg casual amateur photography) besides tv, movies and internet can be a problem for a woman who has a lot of interests (eg sports, trekking) that he does not care for.
     
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  7. AprilLisa

    AprilLisa Gold IL'ite

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    Common interests in Married Life are the things that help to bridge the gap, create a special bond of friendship and companionship in a different way.....

    married life is full of ups and downs, when we face the downs, we tend to drift apart and some space or distance gets created between the two individual mentally.....that is when doing the common interest things, like gardening, cooking, watching a channel together or watching a movie together........ will bring these two individuals together and help them connect back with each other againhugsmiley.....which is very very important to keep the married life going.....
     
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  8. rathi

    rathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    I agree with most of you posted here that it is important to have common interests in married life. It makes it easy to thrive as couples when we share common interests. It does not necessarily mean each partner will enjoy every activity but it opens up opportunity for sharing and compromise. Doing things separately isn't bad, it is nice to do few things in common.

    Like trying new foods together, watching movies, playing fun family games especially involving kids too making it a family time, etc.

    When it comes to watching movies, I like to watch more family / romance movies, while my husband likes more action packed movies. We try to take turns and watch both kind just to give company to each other. Many times the movies turns out to be more interesting to watch because of the company :)
     
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  9. dreamyviji

    dreamyviji Senior IL'ite

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    How important :
    While I dont think it is super important to have common interests in a marriage, spending even a few mins together doing things we both like, does bring some sunshine into my day!

    What common interests :
    watching TV , taking walks :kiss, morning coffee :coffee, talking about our common profession really ticks off my DH(I dont mind if it is short, I will start yawning if he drags on and on ....gigglingsmiley)
     
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  10. dreamyviji

    dreamyviji Senior IL'ite

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    I realised I posted on this thread from many years ago :p, dont know how I land up in these, some link in the page is led me here...
     

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