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How girl-friends can help your marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 5, 2015.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Ladies, do you have a friend or two who tell you like it is? Whom you can depend on for honest opinion? One you can turn to for advice or opinion and who will help without judging and unnecessary sympathizing? She will try to suggest a middle path, or will make you realize that things are not as bad as they seem?

    She will let you vent without adding too much fuel to the venting fire inside you? Will forget about the situation when it is hazy in your mind too?

    Well, if one girl-friend had all these qualities, you might as well marry her. :coffee

    As part of the Building Positivity in Married Life forum, starting a thread on the importance of forming, maintaining and nurturing such female-friends.

    I think having one or two good, sensible, level-headed female friends helps. Need not be local. Most heart-to-heart chats tend to happen over phone.

    Do you have a friend like this? Local, remote, in IL? :)
    Maybe one such friend one time helped you get over a rough patch in married life?

    Maybe you are that kind of friend to someone?
     
    14 people like this.
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  2. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh yes...trusted few ..very few .. I need them as much for my sanity as for my DHs well being. :)
    It would be fair to say I form a part of the support system for a few of them as well. We usually have regular long hikes where we take turns venting and listening depending on whose is about to lose it . DHs /PILs /parents /siblings /kids /neighbors/ teachers/ random strangers no one is spared.
    .After all the sighing and just the right amount of "men..y chromosome ...have one those specimens at home on my couch as well " these hikes end with a trip to the local chaat house. Then they give it to me straight. No mincing words...they know when I being a wuss and are not shy to ask me to dig my heels in and they also know when I am blowing things out of proportion and being pig headed .U see they also
    know DH really well..what he is and isnt capable of . What I have and what I stand to lose by going down the path I am on. I love that perspective and it helps to clear my thoughts . After such marathon sessions we are usually much more amiable spouses. This I have straight from the horses mouth .. a dear friends hubby once sent me a message "JAG go for a hike with her ...dont know whether she needs it or not but I do":biggrin2:
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I wish I had friends I could unload my mind troubles too. Father got transferred very often and so does husband. Unfortunately....didn't have face book etc while growing up to stay in touch......got in touch recently with some school friends and realized I no longer could connect. Friends after marriage are all common friends ......so have to mind what comes out of my mouth.....not even mil vents are safe. No wonder I love this forum.

    I have lots of friends I can chat with for hours and go out for fun ....but I don't think I would tell them my problems or expect solutions from them. I bank on husband for non marital problems and mom and sis for the venting on marital itches .
     
  4. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have a close friend with whom i go out for hike and we talk almost daily. She runs a home based beauty parlor and has all the information of everyone. We share almost everything. Both of us have no issues of IL or DH, so most of our talks are centered around day to day routines, recipes, planning for get-to-gathers of our group, etc. But I can count on her to provide solutions for any situation that i may have.

    I also have a cousin in Texas and we interact 2-3 times a month but our phones last for 1-2 hours. She is in a difficult marriage with ILs staying with her and i listen to her vent and support her.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    The similarities are so many, I wondered if I've ever gone on such a hike with you.. then cleared my own doubt - would never forget a hike with JAG, would I JAG? :)

    we routinely ask each other 'how is your other kid doing' or 'how is your older kid doing' which means husband, and in some cases, kids also know we refer to husbands like this. It's okay..... all know we don't mean it..

    Though, over the years, talking about DH's has gone down.

    I think talking with close friends like this reduces the angst that spouse would otherwise bear the brunt of.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    That brings up one related point. My 'close friends' are not common friends. They are too precious to waste as common friends, I'd say! They are either colleagues from previous jobs, or moms of my kid's friends where our friendship remained even after kids grew out of it.

    Another related point... Sometimes, long time members of forum can also be that close/honest girl-friend. There are some frank ones here like justanothergirl.. some really really frank like Ragini25, and a whole range in between. :)
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Almost any beauty parlor lady who gets to know me, my skin and my eyebrows well enough, moves out of the area. :confused2:

    The ones I've got to know over the years are very hardworking, and like you said, have solution or ideas to life's small small 'happens'.
     
  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh.. Yes!

    I have one great friend, whom is my colleague too. We are working together under one umbrella for the past 10 years - although at different locations, different sections as per our levels, transfers and promotions. But we are always connected.

    She is of my age, had an inter-religious marriage as me. The only difference is that she is Hindu married to a Christian. My case is the other way round. So we benefit from each other's experience, knowledge and backgrounds. We generally have almost same personality; thus it has become very easy to share, discuss and vent our problems than anywhere else. Also, it helps a lot to improve our thinking patterns based on each other's judgments. She is one big reason behind this miraculous success in my almost lost marriage life.

    The other person is my best friend. Sadly he is not a woman. But a man. But we are together for almost 20+ years, living in the same country. We speak to each other almost daily, chat in FB and whatsapp to have updated about each other. Our families are also connected, but ours is a special friendship. He is a friend whom I can trust.

    I share almost many things (sadly not the girly things though) with him. He is just like a brother to me. He guides me, advises me and he often helps me to think from my husband's POV.

    These two people knows almost everything about me.... And I feel I am truly blessed in that aspect.
     
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  9. seekingbless

    seekingbless Platinum IL'ite

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    i can say i have few friends that i can rely. 2 from IL (console1, who are always there for me always without asking)
    3 friends from my old job, now we are all together in same city and keeping in touch via whatsapp. we know each other for 10 years.
    and one from my university, know her for more than 10 yrs. we were roomates and still keeping in touch via phone and whatsapp. we met few times during our friends wedding.
    and lastly, my childhood friend, we know each other since we were 12 yrs old. but i have not meet her for quiet long time. the last we meet, i think during my wedding or my brother's wedding, but we keep in touch via phone.

    these are the people who i can call as friends and can rely for any problem not only marital. they are great advisers and make me feel comfortable and welcome always. i regard them as my elder sisters.

    during issues at home, there are times where i stop myself and change my decision thinking this is how friend B would do or react. and it has always resulted is amicable situation.
    i must thank to God for giving me such wonderful friends. :thankyou2:
     
    2 people like this.
  10. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Friends of both but loyal to just one. Thats cruicial.
     

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