How does one develop a thicker skin (in relationships)?

Spiderman1 · May 6, 2010

sarma and neha,
Excellent posts from you. Thank you.

This thread is meaningful only due to the fantastic contribution from our IL-ites.

Sunshine123 · May 6, 2010

Good topic Spiderman!

I was a very sensitive person, and this quality made me very vulnerable and in the process i was hurt many times.

The way that i developed a 'thick skin' is by always reminding myself that

1. The other person has said or done what they have to, i dont have any control on that.....but how i react to it is in my control.

2. Nobody can hurt me.....I have chosen to react the way that i did.

3. When ever i feel i am getting hurt by something or someone, i stop and say to myself.....I am creating this hurt for myself, and i have to finish this.

Its not easy to follow this at all times..........it needs a lot of practise and constant reminding, but the results are amazing.......it helps me stay stable and in control of my emotions at all times.

Hope this helps

Cheers

mstrue · May 6, 2010

Sunshine123 said: ↑

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Well said, Sunshine!:thumbsup Good crispy pointers.

Spiderman1 · May 6, 2010

Thank you Sunshine123. Even in the past when I have opened threads, I think you have added very valuable insights to my thread. Thank you.

Sunshine:
Due to the "de-sensitization" that you self imposed, what changes happened? Did you lose certain emotions/feelings - there is a certain sadness I feel when I lose the original character that I have? I become a new person, no longer the person I knew as myself.

Sunshine123 · May 6, 2010

Spiderman

I wouldn't call it 'de-sensitization'........I would say 'Realizing the truth'

Since the time that i have 'Realised or known the truth' that nobody can hurt me........I feel more in control of my emotions, and i feel stronger. It also brought about a lot of change in the other person (who is trying to hurt).......since he now realised that his sharp tongue or words are not going to have the desired effect on me. So, after a while they give up.

Secondly, its not about losing your character or your true self........its about making yourself strong, so that nothing can touch you or destabilise your feelings. I would say its a feeling of power and being in control as opposed to losing something........... yes, the only thing you lose here is your dependency on others or situations to make you happy or sad.

Yes, its perfectly alright to feel happy or sad........but then the reminder that these are the feelings that you created for yourself and not the other person......brings the control back to you...and when we know we are in control its easier to turn around things.

Cheers