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How do you say someone is good/bad wife?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by balamotwani, Oct 25, 2007.

  1. balamotwani

    balamotwani Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    I am really confused, how do you describe a good wife. Some says good wife means good homemaker. Some says in todays world, Women should work as well, so a good wife is the one who helps both financially and also maintain a good home and look after the kids, old parents in law and give respect to everyone in the family and do everything according to elders wishes. Some says bad wife means she is bad as a home maker even though she is working and financially helping. And the job makes her tired and sometimes it becomes too much.

    I know to get the title "good wife" it depends on the hubby. Sometimes even if hubby says his wife is good, the others are not ready to accept it.

    So i feel only a super girl can be all in all and can get the certificate as good wife. Some hubby expects his wife to be intelligent, beautiful, good homemaker, excellent cook, caring and luving towards him, his parents, relatives, she also should be a good company in parties whether spiritual/social/official/cultural/...., do not interfere, gives full freedom to hubby to do whatever he wants, to be patient and quite with his temper/mood/attitude.....not to talk about saving/money/loans...........


    Is it possible for any lady to be like the above and is it fair to expect like this? Only i think robots can become good wife. I feel why no one talks about bad husband and inlaws do not point out and say to his son in law his bad points? So it is only ladies should be a good wife, good mom, good dil,... What about hubbies?

    So, l want everyone of you to say how do you describe a good wife? Dont forget to write about Good husband?

    I am blessed with a good hubby, he is patient, luving, caring, he can make coffee for me as many times as i ask, he never feels lazy or tired towards mine and my baby's needs, he shows unconditional love, always supports me, doesnt talk more than required. He can cook, help me in washing clothes, drying,....ready to be a helping hand always.So i cant find any fault with him. Good husband means it is my husband.

    Bala
     
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  2. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Bala,
    As you say, my husband is also a good husband, but I dont really know whether he will agree that I am a good wife. God only knows.

    But I personally feel that my mother and father are ideal couple and she had been a good wife to him always. She is an ideal woman and to my knowledge my father have never said that she had gone out of her duties as a DIL or a wife or a mother.

    This is what I got from the net when I browsed regarding your question; I wanted to know from the men's point of view.

    What's good in a wife?

    <META content="
    DC.Creator: Curt Hendley
    DC.Identifier: http://www.atimelikethis.net/2005/01/whats-good-in-wife.html DC.Identifier.Anchor: 110671277037189579
    DC.Date: 11:11 PM
    " name=QSM.item.start>In a post today, Miss O'Hara linked to a post by Elena at Pretty Green Polka-Dotted Skythat asks about good qualities for a wife to have. She has specific questions for single guys and married guys. I've been both single and married, and my perspective changed quite a bit in the transition. I think most men do have a sort of checklist for attributes they want in a wife. I certainly did. These are some of the qualities I used to look for in a wife when I was single:
    • strong domestic skills
    • a family that's saner than mine*
    • a good career with better earning potential than mine (which was journalism at the time)
    • intellectual ability (measured by SAT scores) equal to or greater than my own
    • sex drive approximately equal to mine
    • solid organizational skills
    • tall, blonde, big-breasted, and/or Asian (in any combination)
    • well versed in the arts
    • proficient at needlework
    • surprised at nothing
    Looking back, I realize that most of my requirements indicated insecurities about my own life. I knew my own shortcomings, and I wanted to marry out of them rather than tackle them myself. My list blinded me for a long time and kept me from recognizing the innate value in individuals who didn't match up. Out of the thirteen "requirements" on my list, Mrs. Happy met two. I've come to realize that the other 11 don't really matter as much as I thought (though she actually has developed a few of them), but wow am I thankful for those specific two. Additionally, these are some of her qualities that make me mind-blowingly happy (also see my list of Reasons I Love My Wife):
    • emotional intelligence and insight
    • strong intuition about the needs of others
    • a desire to serve and make the world better
    • an understanding of my sense of humor
    • a completely silly sense of humor all her own
    • unending love for an insane family, both hers and mine
    • passion for life
    I prayed a lot in my single days, asking God to bring a certain kind of woman into my life. He looked beyond the request and filled the need. The woman He paired me with is nothing like what I wanted, but rather exactly what I needed. And wow am I thankful for that.
    <HR align=center width="50%">* I have since learned that my family is really not all that insane in the context of the rest of the world. Every family has its own troubles. Mrs. Happy and I both are fortunate and blessed to come from troubled families that overflow with love.

    The Happy Husband: What's good in a wife?

    To some extent I could accept this and to some extent I could not. But still I am waiting for more answers from our friends. Let us see.
     
  3. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Bala

    Good wife means 'LATAMURALI'

    I dont know whether my hubby will say this or not, but let me say iam a good wife , since iam doing all the duties of wife , perfectly !!!!!!!! and with heart

    Bala, 'GOOD WIFE' definition differs from one person to another

    IN OUR INDIAN CULTURE

    'GOOD WIFE' means doing her duites to her family (includes each and everyone) with full dedication and wholeheart , unconditionally

    And, Good Wife shld not have any PERSONAL FEELINGS for her own and she shld SACRIFICE all her aims,dreams, ambitions,attitude.........and dance to her hubby's tune ...............( pls friends, u cant deny this, u can see lot of Indian wives , lost her everything for her hubby and family and just living to satisfy them with heart and without ) and i personally know many people like that

    But, only hubby shld say whether his wife is " GOOD OR BAD", HE ONLY KNOWS HER VERY WELL THAN ANBODY IN THE FAMILY

    SO, MY OPINION IS , IF HUBBY SAYS THAT HIS WIFE IS GOOD, THEN IT IS FINAL JUDGEMENT.........though others accept or not - (MY PERSONAL OPINION )

    AND, IAM PROUD AND HAPPY TO SAY VERY LOULDLY THAT ' EVEN IAM BLESSED WITH GOOD/CARING/AFFECTIONATE.............. HUBBY ",HE IS GEM OF A PERSON ( ofcourse, he wont assist me in any household chores....or give importance to all my wishes,he is very practical man.......... i LUV HIM TO THE CORE, HE IS MY EVERYTHING.


    LATAMURALI
     
  4. desidiva

    desidiva New IL'ite

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    My personal opinion on this matter is that there is no one definition that can be universally applied across the board to all wives/husband.

    A good wife to me is someone who makes her husband and their lives together a happy journey. I don’t believe that just because two people get married, that they immediately become good/bad husband/wife. One may have good qualities but that does not make them good. You have to earn that title mutually on both sides through years together invested in their marriage. I am talking exclusively about husband and wife because I don’t think that there is anyone else that can or should have input into this (regardless of the fact that it’s a joint family or not.) I know that we Indians revolve around family and family values but in this context, you will never be able to satisfy everyone involved like mil, fil, relatives etc. Every person you go to will have a different take on what a good wife should be. I don’t think that anyone on this earth can please every single person. That being the fact, I again conclude the same thing I said before. What matters is that you satisfy the needs and wants of an ideal life suitable for both of you.

    Ones marriage does not become a good/bad marriage on day one. That happens over time where day in and day out you invest your love (along with tons of other things) and let the tree of marriage either grow or die (or in some cases barely survive).

    Personally for me, I don’t think that I am as good a wife…not that I beat my husband or don’t take care of him/his family. But want I want to say is that I have things (so does my hubby) that can be worked on to make this marriage be an ideal relationship. I like to use the analogy of the turtle and rabbit where my dh is the turtle and I am the bunny. When we initially got married, he was the slow one and needed to learn a lot to make our union workable. However in this race of life, he has left me behind like the turtle did in that story where the bunny fell asleep and lost the race. In my eyes, he has become a good husband and I know for him I have too but we have not stopped as we know that we can get even more out of this relationship than we do now.

    Vib
     
  5. Blondie

    Blondie Bronze IL'ite

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    Excellent point DesiD......

    have seen lots of trees that are :

    obviously sick....... individually both are good but not good when combined

    healthy on the out side.....but with closer look reveal tensions

    thriving.....because both have learned to accept each other and are in love with each other inspite of their differences.

    Yes I too fall in your category

    Rajmi,
    I have followed your link good qualities for a wife and one of the poster's (ash) observations are sooo true.....(the very last one)
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2007
  6. suravees81

    suravees81 New IL'ite

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    Hi.
    i think there's a small confusion here....are we talking abt a 'good wife' or a 'successful woman'? As far as i know....if a husband sincerely acknowledges his wife as 'good', she doesnt really need a certificate from elsewhere.... ' wife' is a very specific term related only to her husband.....so....
    wishing u all a grt week-end!
    cheers.
    sujatha.
    "good wife'.....
    (certified by my dear hubby!:) )
     
  7. sailajanori

    sailajanori New IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    Yes, you are right Bala. A woman should be a super woman to be 100% perfect. Now a days men are expecting wives to be super woman. She has to be well educated, get around Rs. 1 lakh per month, be excellent home maker, excellent cook, good looking and oh! what not. Added is the in-laws requirement. She has to be extremely polite and always keep face smiling 24x7.

    Nobody is a good or bad basically. A person may appear to be good in one situation and in another situation he may be bad. So we cannot just say whether husband can be a good husband or bad husband. But when we talk of good relationship between husband and wife, there should be mutual respect between each other and lot of understanding.
     
  8. balamotwani

    balamotwani Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Rajmi,

    I know what is a good wife theoritically, i wanted personal view, what is your and your hubby's view of Good wife or ideal wife. I know it varies according to individual and it is only hubby who should say whether she is good or ideal wife.

    So according to you - Good wife is one who do her duty as a DIL or wife or a mother.

    So what you mean by duty, can you define and describe Rajmi?

    Bala

    P.s. I read also your links but i wanted to know from Ilites.


     
  9. balamotwani

    balamotwani Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Vib,

    I accept each and every sentense you said. It is true there is no universal definition of "good wife" and it cannot be applied to all. I got what i wanted.

    Thanks for peeping and sharing your views.

    Bala

     
  10. balamotwani

    balamotwani Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi

    Congratulations to you. If you think you are a good wife then you really are.

    So according to you Good wife is one who do all duties of wife perfectly and with heart.

    You are 100% right in what you have written. So it means you agree that wife has to sacrifice her feelings, aims, ambitions,.... I know it varies from one person to another. And same thing is not excepted from hubbies.

    According to me, my hubby has sacrificed, compromised , adjusted more than me, that means am i bad wife? He shows his unconditional true love towards me.

    I am trying to become a good wife. That means i am still trying to do duties to my hubby.

    BALA


     

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