How do you reinforce good behavior?

That is a good point you have raised ladies. I should remember that. I was a tomboy when I was young and my elder brother was a perfect angel. I would always be compared and contrasted with my brother. My mom would get really frustrated with my behavior sometimes. Whenever she complained about me I felt rejected and hurt. It made me feel I was very different from the others. Probably I was just over sensitive. But I feel that if parents find something wrong with their child's behavior instead of venting out to their spouses and friends they should talk to their child first. It will help in making the child more confident and secure.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Hi guys,
a very very interesting discussion. Hope you all will no think that I am an oldie, my son is only 17 now. I would like to share my thoughts too.
Kavya has given excellent suggestions on how to tackle the tantrums. I too feel that one should just let the child cry for sometime. It would be extremely difficult, I warn you. But try it one or two times and the child would know that it would not work. But shouting at the child and beating it is not at all solution and would definetely create more problem for the mother.
One thing is a must for all good mothers - LOADS AND LOADS OF PATIENCE. The result will be wonderful, I assure you.
Even now I do not shout at my son. He does have bits of behaviour related to his age, but it shouls be like that. If the child is so goody goody, there will be nothing to remember later. Children should be children.
And both the parents co operating is the best way to tackle the child.

 

hi varloo mam....

good to c u here in this intersting discussion... experienced mom's suggestions are really valuable... thnx for ur suggestions...

i agree with u 100% " One thing is a must for all good mothers - LOADS AND LOADS OF PATIENCE. The result will be wonderful, I assure you."

 

Sorry Latha and Vanathi for getting back to you late. well, i made sure that whatever is reachable to Akshith is something that will not harm him. The lower shelves of the book case is filled with his books, plenty of empty plastic boxes in the kitchen etc. Now the problem is he is trying to stand on the boxes to reach for the higher shelves. Also so facinated with the AC (which is fitted at the bottom of a window), and removing my computer plug. He always goes back to what he was doing though i distract him.

Cheers
Ramya

 

Hi Frends,

thot of sharing my piece of info...

Safety measures:

may be not the safest way of introducing things but i am finding it useful.

Whichever is the dangerous act i will try to make my kid understand the safest way to do it.

For the fear of putting coins inside the mouth... i got him a piggy bank and asked him to play with it by giving him the coins so whenever he finds a coin he knows to drop in a piggy bank or inside his pocket. Even if there is no one besides him am damn sure he wont put the coin inside his mouth.

To Avoid him from getting fire bruises, i ll touch near the stove or the candle and ask him to do the same in the warmer area and he feels it and knows its dangerous to keep the hand near the stove.

He sees me cooking in the stove so obviously he wants to do the same. I allow him to do things like pouring the batter int he tawa and plating it and am happy that half of the dish goes inside his stomach if he does the job so i allow him to be near the stove when am there with him.

i know its a risky thing but how can we prevent a child from certain things which we do it regularly before their eyes.

if we unplug / plug before thier eyes they will do it thats for sure. If we don't allow they ll try it in our absence.

so its always better if we want to prevent our kid from doing certain things we are not suppose to do it / atleast in front of them

Tantrum techniques :

There is no hard coded techniques this keeps on changing, new technique is needed after couple of times.

First i used to bribe him for doing certain things now thats not working out then i started sitting down at his level and telling him and now thats also not working...'ve to find someother way..

Regards,
Alamu

 

Hey ladies,

I came across an interesting viewpoint from a parent through another discussion forum. Take a look

---------------------------
Hi - I have a 2 and half year old and highly recommend this book called
the Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr Harvey Karp. It is an AMAZING
book with lots of wonderful ideas for positive reinforcement, confidence
building and communication with toddlers. There is also a DVD which I
HIGHLY recommend. One key thing in that book is watch what kind of time
you spend with your toddler. Since a lot of what they do at this age is
to get your attention, what could you do to give them absolutely
uninterrupted attention when they're being very good. Often, we give
them our attention when they're crying or throwing a fit or already
being bad. This reinforces that behaviour. Instead, when they don't
need you at all, if you sit down for 2 minutes and play with them and
praise them for how well they're playing by themselves or what a
wonderful building they built with those blocks, that reinforces that
you're there watching and they don't need to resort to tantrums to get
you to look.

Also, with me what has absolutely worked wonders is that I rope my
daughter into whatever I'm doing and get her to help me out. If I'm
cleaning my table, I ask her to clean hers. If I'm arranging dishes in
the dishwasher, I ask her to arrange the spoons and forks for me. If
I'm watering the plants, I'm letting her hold the hose with me and as a
treat, she gets a little mist at the end to get wet in. If I change her
diaper, I ask her to throw it in the diaper champ... When I'm cooking,
I put her on the counter and she helps with holding the spice box, or if
I'm cutting veggies, she throws the peeled skin in the garbage for me.
She gets to fold her own bibs... I let her arrange her own sippy cups
from the dishwasher back in its place. Its slow sometimes when I'm in a
hurry, but it would be even slower if she was screaming in the
background. With every little thing she does, we dole out the praise
and our thanks for helping. When I'm trying to do housework, this is
the only thing that calms her tantrums and fits. I also take a minute
between chores to sit down and read a few pages from a book or help her
with a puzzle or blocks.

Since she's a little girl, she definitely loves to do these things, but
I'm sure there are things around the house that boys are watching mommy
and daddy do as well, and would love to be a part of.

Enjoy your little one!

-------------------------

Kavya.

 

Kavya - Very good points. I couldnt agree more. My mom used to do that with us (2 girls) and I've started doing the same with Aadhu. He "helps" me fold clothes, hang clothes for drying, clean the house etc. It makes him feel so proud that he's doing "big boy" stuff, keeps him out of mischief and I get my work done too. Plus its an important training ground for the future - I'm a strong believer in raising my boy to do everything around the house and plan to start him on kitchen duty when he's older. Thanks for the book reccomendation - I'd been wavering between this one and "What to expect: the toddler years" - looks like this one might be better.

Vanathi.