How do you reinforce good behavior?

HI frnds...

So many good points have been discussed here... i agree with kavya... sometimes i feel so bad when i hit my daughter... it happend sometime back but i started doing research how to tackle this without hitting... i started creating my own stories... trying to handle it very patient ( very very diff but still no other go) but as vanathi as only when its very dangerous issues like electric or something like like that i try to hit...

Also they observe our behaviours , wht we talk... so i'm very consious on all those things... its really working... small things like keeping the places neat, giving respect, telling thnx, sorry, so also started following...

 

Hi Latha,

I can understand how hard it is to deal with a toddler and sleep deprivation. I learned a lot of things by trial and error. Sometimes reverse psychology might help. It worked for one of my friends. My friend's 2 year daughter learned to say "shut up". My friend tried everything from coaxing, cajoling, threatening and hitting. Nothing worked. Finally she and her husband started laughing loudly and making fun of her whenever she said "shut up". The girl got so confused by her mom's reaction. She stopped using the word completely in a week after a few more attempts :rotflWhen kids figure out that they can push our buttons with an act they will try to use it as much as possible to assert themselves. My 2 year old son knows I get angry if he eats sand, he puts sand into his mouth, calls me and shows it and runs away when I come to catch him He gets a big kick out of this.

If your son screams too hard put you hand to your ears and tell him your ear drums just popped out and make a joke out it. Try and see if it works on him. I once asked the principal of a preschool how they discipline toddlers. She told me timeouts are not good and redirection is the best approach. She told me if a 3 year old misbehaves like for eg: throws sand around she makes them sit on a thinking chair and asks them 3 ways in which they can play with sand constructively. I like that approach.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Hi Ladies,
Great piece of information being shared here.I am having a toddler who is in terrible two.Driving me crazy.Most of the activity that he does in not approvable.I end up moving in to some other activity,saying no,yelling and final resort spanking.I feel bad about the whole process.ANy amount of soft talk is not working. I am losing my cool every day.ANy solutions to make him listen?

 

Hi Supriya,

Do you feel your son is stimulated enough ? I take my son out almost everyday. I make sure he runs around and plays a lot. That tires him out, he eats well and does less mischief at home. My son is also into cars and puzzles so he can play independently for at least an hour or so. I think after the age of two children definitely need to go to a play school. It is good for them and us

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Hi Kavya,
I do not take him out everyday..he still hasnt outgrown the habit of putting things into his mouth.So i must constantly monitor him even when he plays by himself.Though we give him age appropriate toys,the fear of lead in toys freaks me out.
Yes,If we do not send them,we will go mad.Since he is in initial stage im yet to taste the fruit of sending him to day care.

 

Kavya,

I agree completely about sending to play school. My boy is very happy there. We don't realise this but they do need the company of children.

Actually I'm practising reverse pyschology, without knowing what is was, since last week on my boy's candy obsession (well may be obsession is a strong word here...). Whenever he asks for candy i joke at him that he's my sweet (he asks for sweet for a candy/chocolate/anything sweet) and i'm going to eat him and tickle etc., in all this play he forgets what he asked for and happily eats the fruit or other option that i provide him. Today we offered him a jelly fruit because he cleaned up his toys himself and he was sooo proud. And he added that sweets are okay once in a while and he shouldn't eat them too much if he were to grow strong. It's true that we learn a lot by trial n error.

I was miserable during my pregnancy and that's when he was at the peak of his tantrums. Now I feel like we both are settling down well.

And I must also admit something similar to the 'shut up' case. When my boy is adamant/refuses to accept a discussion, I give myself a time out. We live in an apartment and I just exit our apartment and wait outside to calm myself. Today i did the same thing over some issue and his father was telling him I was upset and so I went out. He also told my boy that he should say sorry and only then amma will come in. My boy (he's used to this trick of mine since a long time) says 'oh don't worry appa she'll come in 5 minutes'. I was so ashamed and DH was controlling his laughter. I only hope i haven't shown my boy any wrong behaviour.

Latha

 

Hi Latha,

I think you are doing the right thing by going out of your apartment to calm down. This is much better strategy then hitting or yelling. The amount of physical activity my boy gets makes a world of difference. The days when I don't take him out to play I notice that he is more cranky and bored. I end up getting irritated with his behavior and start losing my temper.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

This is such an interesting discussion and I'm learning a whole lot of things. Kavya - I really like many of the techniques you mentioned though some of them I can use only after Aadhu is a bit older and can understand better. The point about going out is absolutely true for me - getting out in the evenings has become a must for both of us - we stay indoors and it inevitably ends in screaming and tears (both mine of course ). We have a year to go before playschool though.....
Latha - I learnt abt time-outs for the parent from one of your earlier posts and I have been following it for quite some time now - they really work - thanks!
Having a child develops patience like nothing else in life can!

Vanathi.

 

Thanks Vanathi. Another interesting technique I learned from American parents is giving the children limited choices and allowing them to make an independent decision. For example if your child wants to do something undesirable, show him two toys and tell him he can play with either of them instead of doing the undesirable action. Treat him like an adult and empower him to make sensible choices. I have had mixed results with this technique. But it is much better then dealing with him aggressively. But some days I do get tired with the endless negotiations. Hopefully this is a passing phase.

Thanks,
Kavya.