How do you percieve death? And is the greiving different in different cultures?

Discussion in 'Queries on Religion & Spirituality' started by APassionateOne, Apr 7, 2010.

  1. APassionateOne

    APassionateOne New IL'ite

    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi..I am writing this with heavy heart! Last month, my paternal grandfather, 86 yr old passed away. Though that happened suddenly, we all had a day for being prepared for the inevitable while he struggled in the hospital. Now his wife of more than 70 yrs is left alone. He had a good life, he worked hard most of his life, saw his children and grand children well settled. He loved food, loved to entertain. Though he was old, it was shocking to all of us and perceived as a huge loss. The grown up sons (who are also grand fathers now) cried like children. It was hard.

    Yesterday, my sister called and told me that one of my close uncles (my mother's cousin and also the FIL of my mom's brother), passed away with a major heart stroke. He is barely 60. Though all his kids were married and had kids, they are yet to settle well. Though retired, he still needed to work in private to help his sons and their families. His heart couldn't take the stress. I don't think he had a complete life or had a good life. All the life he was left to work and earn. When I called last night, the cries were unbearable. My atta (My uncle's wife) cried to me on phone "Our daddy died..our daddy died..oh..I cannot bear it..". I couldn't bear it either!

    This got me thinking...what is a sensible way to see this life (Birth..living..death)? How should we react to death (old aged or sudden ones)? Why do our people cry so loud and make every thing unbearable...when I see people here in west, they must feel the same way, but the expression is milder. Why is death treated as a catastrophe in our culture? and Why is the life of the dead, celebrated quietly here?

    I may be asking too many questions..but my heart is heavy. I am thinking of my parents and in-laws. I don't want to get that phone call..about them ever. Hmmm,...
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2010
    Loading...

  2. SujathaR

    SujathaR Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,171
    Likes Received:
    224
    Trophy Points:
    145
    Gender:
    Female
    For me, death is the most saddest/worst thing that can happen to a man.

    But on the other way.. its natural and 100% sure in all life..

    I think that human body is like a mechanical instrument. If the power goes, the instrument wont work.. same applies to the humans.. :bonk
     
  3. Vimmala

    Vimmala Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    You must think that we are aliens in to this earth.
    This earth belongs to Animals and Plants. As a soul from other planet, we are visiting this earth to take rest in a holiday mood. After the vacation is over we are returning to our original place. The sudden death, may be before his compleation on leave he might be asked by his superiors to join duty in other planet, ie his services are most needed.

    If there is any looser because of his death they will get their compensation in due course.
     
  4. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,503
    Likes Received:
    303
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    why people in western countries wont cry loud and why we cry so much is an unanswarable question to me because when it comes to showing love,you find people kissing each other even in public in west not in india


    when we are in pain we express ourselves not to show it in public but to relive ourselves from that pain
    when my dad passed away my mom was crying not like me but silently
    my dads collegues who all came said you are young educated and working and why do you cry like a small baby..i dono what i was doing then i had so much pain that i want to die tooo hurt myslef or do somthing else
    i dint know how to stop my tears somthing major happened in our lives and we cant get a person back
     
  5. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,089
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    According to me and my obserrvation, most of the true mourners are in the state of shock.. cant even utter a word on demise of their closest relative, whilst those who howl and cry on top of the voice seem to be partly becos of:
    1) Either they were hit the other way and forgot to even know that they are at the topmost volume (lost that state of mind).
    2) Saw it as an age old method of mourning of beating chest, breaking bangles, infact there are communities especially in north west, where mourners were hired & paid to howl and scream of an hr or so.
    3) are trying to show it to others that they're really sad of loss, when they're not.

    Why is death treated as a catastrophe in our culture? and Why is the life of the dead, celebrated quietly here?
    Its expressiveness at its best.. the same way some people take birthing event, some scream/ shout and dance & some simply smile looking at the baby.. same I guess is for departure.

    death is catastrophe because very less prepare themselves for the inevitable but dread it the most & treat it as an ultimate loss. More untimely.. more responsibilities left unfulfilled.. shorter the duration of stay.
     
  6. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,022
    Likes Received:
    495
    Trophy Points:
    190
    Gender:
    Female
    When a baby is born, its death date is stamped by God/nature whatever. No one can know when, how or where etc. When one loses one's dear one, the loss is irreversible, true. But all are destined die one day. When people die old, we don't mourn too deeply, we somehow accept that they will go one day. But when a young person or middle aged person dies, we cannot tolerate that, we mourn for days, months and years, sometimes. The wound may disappear but the scra will be there for ever.
    Hinduism takes death as the soul going back to the Almighty.I think most religions have the same outlook. But some cultures celebrate death as they celebrate birth too. In Tamil Nadu, I see that many communities celebrating death with crackers and decorations for the dead and dancing and music.
    Most communities take death in a sober way, in respect for the dead.
    I personally feel that death is inevitable and I have to accept it, the age of the dead person is irrelevant. I have lost a very dear friend when she was 26 and had a 1.5 year old baby. I also lost my younger sister, she too was 26 but unmarried. I still grieve their loss but I have accepted that as inevitable. My MIL died when she was in her 60s and nobody mourned actually, she was in a coma before passing away. My FIL dies last year when he was 94, even he was awaiting his death, he got frustrated with living at that age. We just accepted and were sad for sometime, that is all!
    Westerners take that 'life must go on' and so just try to move in life after a loss. Their culture is different and out look is different from ours.
    And here people say that when we share our grief, it gets divided. When we share our joy it multiplies. ANd we believe in understanding the mind and not showing our feelings, positive ones, too openly.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2010
  7. omganesh

    omganesh New IL'ite

    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree with Varloo. My father died exactly 2 weeks ago and he was 67. All human being are born in this earth with a reason. When that reason is fulfiled they have to go. I also read in internet that all major incidents in life life birth, marriage, accidents, death are predetermined and no one can change it.

    So there is no use of mourning when one leaves us. Rather we should practise to be in harmony with people around us during our and theirs lifetime.
     
  8. hema76

    hema76 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,700
    Likes Received:
    46
    Trophy Points:
    90
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,

    i lost both my father and mother . When i was 5 or 6 my father died in an accident, that time i was too small i dont know how to react , but i know from here after i wont get my father once again but i dont cry because i dont know the real nature of the father relationship that is where and all i am going to miss him and what are the aspect i am going to miss and then after his death, i felt a lot about missing my father in many instances when my friend brought her father to our sports day and the way he encouraged her and whenever i saw a girl who was riding on a two wheeler along with her father & when my uncle teaches his girl to ride bycycle and when no body supported me whenever my mom scolded me ,and in many more instances.

    When my mother was dies at my age of 15 i cried a lot , that time i am in the thought of how to manage situations without her but after some days after the real pain came into my heart when my relatives indirectly insited me that i am a lonely girl. after facing huge difficulties and pain i understood this is my life we should accept our parents death there is no other go we can do anything for them but we have to protect ourself .


    people use to cry on hearing one's death is purely selfishness,

    think we will not cry for the persons whom we dont know or whom we dont have any touch,

    but we cry for the loved ones thinking that their care to us will be missed in each situation . We cry due to the selfishness of missing their care but it is not a wrong one.but we feel huge hearted when somebody is going to be affected by the death of the died, but we will cry only if we are directly losing anything with that died one.


    the exposures of sadness is different, some may cry silently some may cry with talking something or some may show a loud voice, but crying silently is the real pain which is vented out only for themselves to convince themselves other than that talking or making loud noise is just making others to show them that they are missing so much.

    The real more pain is felt more than the death occasions are whenever a situation comes to us remembering or missing their presence to show their care.

    people in west agrees that the died person is adied and we cant get him after so they are making their ming to that situation having it in mind but we the people will never agree that died is lost instead we will madly present good food to their photos give food to crows thinking that they are the ancestors but i dont beleive in such it is pure and pure madliness.

    the soul that come s out of the body get rebirth in some other mom's womb,but i read that a soul when having a really true wish it will get rebirth only if its wish is satisfied but i dont know how far it is true.?
     

Share This Page