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How do you know you have to be careful about your SIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anjalika400, Jun 17, 2009.

  1. anjalika400

    anjalika400 Junior IL'ite

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    hi all.
    when do you realize that your sil doesn't / don't have good feeling about you or jealous about you even though apparently they are nice to you ? any incident that makes you feel like she is playing a trick or something?
    my sil acts as if she is caring and as she is about 5 years older than me, she has a tendency to give an impression that she knows everything that I don;t know or can handle any situation better than me.Whatever we do something , she tries to make fun of it or criticize indirectly in other context , not in front my DH though.she can go on anything from our style of living or groceries( how can people buy this stuff or that stuff as things are so bad in USA, in India those are so fresh, how can we get used to all these processed stuff), our eating out habits( how can we try out different cuisines as all the food here make her feel like throwing up) ,my dress sense (the dress are all bulls here, color and materials are all crap, the good textile material are only available in India, she wonders how can we consider dillards or macys as good place to shop),if we go for a shopping or my DH buy me some stuff and coincidentally she comes to know about it( her next comment is I am so compromising, don't force my husband to buy thing every now and then like all other worthless wives out there) or sometimes she will introduce a topic related to jewelries n sareers etc and will make some comment (i hate that design,I don't know what people think when they buy that kind of ordinary stuff(trust me guys, she is worse than "ordinary" in any way,but has opinion about everything :rotfl) [invariably the design she mentions resembles any of my jewels or saree etc], or makeup that I have used.she doesn't say those words immediately, and of curse in a passive way.
    She is the one who happily took a saree from my suitcase in my absence after my wedding and didn't bother to ask me ever.Later on she has taken a few other stuff from my suitcase when I visited India first time after my marriage.Surprisingly there is absolutely no one else in their house and I find something is missing both the time.
    But what irritates me the most is that she is very nosey and inquisitive about our daily life and money matters.
    what's your experience?
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2009
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  2. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Anjalika, Its like you repeated my SIL's nature with a few minor changes.I am married for about 6 1/2 yrs. Immediately after we were to be engaged, my SIL went ahead and bought my engagement saree of her own choice. I hated that saree and after that didnt wear it again.Then came 4 days after the wedding that I was in her house,she commented that I shudnt be removing my mangalsutra when taking kumkum.Then I came to US and she used to chat regularly with me asking all sorts of questions.On one occassion after my husband was laid off and he got a job quite sometime later,she showed her true colors. Maybe she was nasty before but she has a sugar coated tongue to everything. So it took a long time for me to realize.After my husband landed a job she started all nonsense like send your wife immediately to India when we having problems in our marriage here.She wud also drop in a come back to India tune time and again.At one point she even suggested my husband to separate from me.That was the last straw and I completely stopped talking to her. I dont even talk to her when I go to India. Its always she who initiates meeting me there. On the face she looks like the most caring person but she can be very dangerous and can ruin marriages in a snap.

    I knew she can prove challenging as soon as my engagement. I had an arranged marriage and it was settled in a matter of days . I didnt have much time to get used to the fact that I am married and in a new family.Moreover I had to come to US immediately after marriage and being away I wanted to have a good relationship with my in laws. What a naive bride I was.But I learnt the hard way and I have totally cut her off from my family. At the same time she is relentless and tries to prove how dumb I am in each instance she interacts with my husband.She does it so that she can prove how mature and well put together she is. She is none of it .She is scheming and a bully in nature.From the time she told my husband to separate from me I have been very careful not to let her ruin my marriage or me in general. Shud never let our guards down in front of such people. The more she tries to ruin me ,the more I want to prove to her I wont give her that joy ,ever.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2009
  3. ValuableTime

    ValuableTime Senior IL'ite

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    My SIL behaves in such a selfish way. What happened the day before I came to US was, I went to a temple which was near to my SIL's place. So I just met her to say bye since she was going for vacation that same day. What happened was, I just entered her house. At once she said, she wanna go to a tailor shop to get her clothes. So, I had took her to the shop since I had a bike. After everything was done, we reached her home. Within 5 minutes, she asked me leave her house & said that she is getting ready to go for the vacation & you know what, she said all with sugar-coated words with smile. I was so dump at that time, I dint even understand. I left her home and went. It struck me only after sometime that, she used me to get her work done and throwed me out once its done. :bonk. See how stupid I was that time. From that point on, I make sure to be careful enough when I deal with my SIL.:hide:.
     
  4. silver

    silver New IL'ite

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    Anjalika,
    I had to stay in my inlaws home for 2 months after marriage though my husband was in India.my SIL was pregnant .whenever my DH calls me over phone,she'll stand near me and overhear the telephonic conversations,actually my DH 'll talk to her first and then only to me.even then she had the habit of standing near me and me as a new girl in their house'll feel much delicate :bonk:bonkto talk to my DH.after the call,she 'll ask in front of all what my DH told.
    whatever i'm having dress,jewels,(which from my home i had brought)everything she also need.though she's married ,she'll ask my DH ONLY.first time my DH got a saree for me,(he gets nice stuff for MIL,SILS for every function)and my MIL took that saying whenever u comehere,,you can use it.i was speechless:eek:mg: hearing that.then later when my SIL came to our place for visit,she was wearing the saree which my DH got for me.
    Both my SILs are well educated but their behaviours :shaking:will not say that.i am a working woman,they want to be housewives though they are qualified.so they'll tell my inlaws when we're sitting at home,why should she(i) GO FOR JOB?
    they'll be interfering in each and every matter of mine.
    initially,i thought :confused2:eek:nly it was my bad luck to get such people around me but after joining in IL,i could see many of my friends sail in the same boat.
    i hate them to the core nowadays.nowadays only hi,bye relationship i maintain.
     
  5. sonu1973

    sonu1973 New IL'ite

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    Hey

    U have hit a good topic....

    Sil's hey..well they r a making of the mils...
    Mine well what can i say she is just like any other sil...came accross very nice when i first met here and then as i got to know her she started making commets like oh we always wanted a girl like u that will not make her own rules...lol then she would tell me about her sisters that how i would not get on with them cause they are different.
    After i got married when there was issues with me and her mum she would ring up the other 2 sisters and tell them we should all stick together and leave me out basically...
    she would ring up my dh and speak to him about issues his mum has when i was there but not tell me.....
    Last straw was 3 months ago when i went to her dh bday party and she told me she wants to speak to me about her mum and me when she gets back from holidlay...she started telling me how i have to do what they say how my dh is too soft with me...lol etc.
    I defended myself in the most diplomatic way as i didint want to create a scene at someones party and since then i dont keep contact with her or call her....i tol dmy dh that i want nothing to do with her as on from now.
    She says one thing to me and then to her mum she will say somthing else.
    What she dont realise is that she owe my dh 6 and half thousand pounds and her dh dosent even know she has borrowed taht...she has paid back about half and still owes the rest...im sure she would not like it if i went and broadcsted that to her dh...
    So u see majority of sils are the same.
    Dont get me wrong i am a sil too to my bhabhi but i never interfere in what she does or tell her waht to do...my mum has issues with her but my mum has created issues herself and i tell my mum not to do these things as u have 1 dil u should keep her nicely and she will do anything for ur but i dont know why mil do these things...They get the MIL title and for them that changes everything.
    See u dont gain respect just cause u are older and a mil u gain respect for the way u behave...i sure for most of the dil if the mil was to behave in a normal manner we would give them the utmost respect and compromise in whatever they want...but its when all the back talking with sil and egos start flying about it becomes difficult...I do beleive that once things have gone of in the wrong direction from day 1 its very diffucult to mend them after few years as this becomes embedded in our heads.

    Hey ho i guess we shall just carry on fighting our battles and plodding along with the good old inlaws:thumbsup
     
  6. Shilpa23

    Shilpa23 Senior IL'ite

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    Hey,
    My sil also uses sugar coated words for all silly things like for eg i should give respect to their parents and don't tell anything to my parents that is happening at my inlaws house.She says all these things with a smile and cool face.I just want to give it back to her in the same way.Most of the time she stays at her mothers house always poking my MIL on the issues that happened in the past and make her my enemy every time.The space between me and my MIL is due to her.Can anybody suggest me how to give it back to her in the same way as she does.She leaves her husband alone and comes every one year and stays nearly 6 to 8 months without any work.
    BYE.
     
  7. sashie

    sashie New IL'ite

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    yes my sil is similar to the ones descirbed here!! if she talks to anyone else in the world she will be the sweetest person..but with me (her brother;s wife)...her claws come out. all of my inlaws behave this way with all dil;s in the family. my sil is extremely childish, she still acts as though she is a baby, even though she has 2 kids of her own!! i only tell her limited information, cuz her and her mom(my mil), will twist what i say..

    SASH
     

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