I was in a dilemma recently and wondered what ILites would do in my situation. I was in a situation where someone I know decently well enough was asking a question to a someone in my presence. She was right but the way she asked the question and followed up without letting the other person speak was very rude. This is in one of those school meetings where people don’t give you the right answers and beat around the bush and are always politically correct. I could understand her frustration and situation but her tone threw away the message. It was in a smaller parent group but there were other parents present. After the fact, she asked me to give her an honest opinion on how she asked the question. She did get a call from the principal telling her that she was very impolite and it was sort of one strike against her. I told her I understood her concern. I have the same concern but then she could call or email the person she asked the question to and apologize for her tone. After all, the man was the messenger and not the decision maker. I did feel like her tone throws people off and this isn’t the first occurrence. She mostly jumps in and throws something in the other person’s face even in other similar settings. It’s often right but so annoying to be questioned like that. Is there any more I could have said that she could take away as a learning from this incident? How do you give constructive critique to others? Especially in these contexts.
Random thoughts.. please to not take below very seriously. : ) 1) Unless it leads to a big pay hike, no one wants constructive criticism. 2) Calling or emailing specifically to apologize should be done only in the rarest of rare occasion. Like if a Russia-made missile fell on Poland and the apology will avoid nuclear warfare. : ) Otherwise, the apology should be more casually delivered, such as when the next meeting happens. 3) People like this woman won't change their tone just based on other people's suggestions. 4) When asked to give an honest opinion, I first ask them their own opinion. Then, I build on that. This has worked for times my DD asks me, "Am I lazy/ is my room messy ..." and so on.
This is such a great point. I felt like I was put in a difficult spot by this question. I should have asked her what she thought first. I shall remember that next time! I was worried about the ramifications since this was brought to her attention. But I will remember this. How do they manage at workplaces or other environments where they need to get things done? One can’t go through life being aggressive. Just a random though. No answers required.
