how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cities?

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

Yeah, I know there are many of us who face this situation. Now, we have moved to India but for a decade we lived abroad and most of the times we visited India separately. I think it is only once we both came together and then I went to my inlaws house from the airport and next evening I went to my parents house with kids.
I spent most of the time at my parents house and dh would come after every 3 days and take kids for another 3 days. Then I would go and have lunch at inlaws and bring kids with me for next 3 days. We did that for about 3 weeks and then I went and lived in inlaws place for 3 days and dh came to my parents place for 2-3 days and then we went to the airport from inlaws place.
Infact, we planned the whole thing like this. I wanted to give dh his time with his parents and he too wished I spend time with my parents.

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

hello renu,
sorry to hear about you...my condition is so similar to yours...iam currently visiting India after 2 yrs of my marriage and faced the same issue. I am very attached to my parents and never lived out of home all my life. i went immediately(within 10 days) after my marriage,and this is my first visit and i came alone. My mil asked me to come to their place first and stay for 2 days and i had to go. My parents live in the same city,but at two different ends. They came to the airport just to get a glimpse of me. My fil hushed me in to the car and we went off even before i realised what happened. So, i called my parents to come to their place straight from the airport so i could see them longer. I went in to the bathroom and cried so much,can't even cry in peace there!! And to top it all my dh is a typical Indian husband.

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

We havent been to india after we were married - abt 5 years. have a DS now. We get family here - economically cheaper but if we were to go then it would be an issue. since u dont get to go more than 2 weeeks and both parents live at different parts - i am from gujrat and hubby from kerala. i still would prefer my place coz its closer to the airport and inlaws house require 2-3 hrs drive at nite. If i ever go (very unlikely ) with the whole pack then I would prefer to land at my dads house and leave from there. Kerala is quite unreliable. you never know when they will announce a bandh. We did the wedding there and it was total waste as a bandh was called that day - ugh -was a total disaster. I would talk to him that way - that it will be easier to manage travel if we land at dads place first -

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

We went back home only once for far and the first time my husband was kind enough to suggest that we stop at my mom's place first because in 2 days it was her retirement party. Since we were there for 30 days, we split the day exactly between in-laws and parents, 15 days each. But i really felt like spending 20 days at my parents (seeing them after 2 years) and 10 days at my in laws. It didn't work out. My MIL comes to our country every 6 months and my DH gets to see her often, unlike my parents whom I get to see only once in 2 years. Even then, its a rule that we have to split half/half which my MIL has made it clear even for future trips. Which is still OK I guess, considering I do not have any issues with my MIL, if I stay that way.

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

I cant believe the extent sometimes in-laws go! Don't they have daughters too? Don't they realize as a parent how difficult it is to stay away from kids after they have waited for 2 years to get a glimpse?!

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

Rakhi, my sil is staying with my in-laws for the past 5 months,and she visited her mil's place for 4 days that too with her husband!!! My sil's husband was here for a month and guess what he stayed with his in-laws for nearly the whole month(except for the 4 days he went to visit his parents). I am not sure if my husband would stay with my parents for even 4 days...:bonk

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

I understand how you feel. This Feb, DH and me had been to India, for the 1st time after marriage. Our trip was for only 21 days and out of that we had to go to the temples in the south and mil had arranged one puja and we also had to do shradh for my fil. After all these activities, I only had 7 days to be with my parents, excluding the visits to his relatives place. My Dh was ok with it as we had already discussed the routine here and I had only suggested, we complete all the activities at his place before I go to my home, so that mil also happy and I can be peaceful, even though it would be only 7 days. But even after all this, she was not happy inspite of the fact that on our return trip, mil (fil-no more) was to fly to be with us to live for 6 months. She complained as much as possible to DH. When he didnt accept her arguments, she started asking me to come to her place on some pretext or other : ex: my brother's kids are coming, my friend is coming etc. (friends about whom she has spoken ill of to me) etc etc. She is very cunning, can change tunes whenever she wants. Any normal person can see through her lies - Just one exception - DH. Now it's been 2 months since she has gone back and in these 2 months have been raking up non issues, even those which are so very normal : ex: she didnt eat the vada i made. For heaven's sake - I hate Vadas, and I don't eat even if my own mom makes. She has been poisoning DH's ears and telling him I am inciting him against her - whereas, actually, since the 1st of this month, DH and me have not been on talking terms - DH going to the extent of saying that I won't get anything until his mother is happy. (which would mean ;NEVER' :spin(Ok to be fair - that was only verbal - he has not stopped giving anything - unless you count the normal husband wife relationship, that laughter, the little hugs and sweet nothings) Well, if it is not these little emotions that count, I don't see what does.

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

I understand how you feel. This Feb, DH and me had been to India, for the 1st time after marriage. Our trip was for only 21 days and out of that we had to go to the temples in the south and mil had arranged one puja and we also had to do shradh for my fil. After all these activities, I only had 7 days to be with my parents, excluding the visits to his relatives place. My Dh was ok with it as we had already discussed the routine here and I had only suggested, we complete all the activities at his place before I go to my home, so that mil also happy and I can be peaceful, even though it would be only 7 days. But even after all this, she was not happy inspite of the fact that on our return trip, mil (fil-no more) was to fly to be with us to live for 6 months. She complained as much as possible to DH. When he didnt accept her arguments, she started asking me to come to her place on some pretext or other : ex: my brother's kids are coming, my friend is coming etc. (friends about whom she has spoken ill of to me) etc etc. She is very cunning, can change tunes whenever she wants. Any normal person can see through her lies - Just one exception - DH. Now it's been 2 months since she has gone back and in these 2 months have been raking up non issues, even those which are so very normal : ex: she didnt eat the vada i made. For heaven's sake - I hate Vadas, and I don't eat even if my own mom makes. She has been poisoning DH's ears and telling him I am inciting him against her - whereas, actually, since the 1st of this month, DH and me have not been on talking terms - DH going to the extent of saying that I won't get anything until his mother is happy. (which would mean ;NEVER' :spin(Ok to be fair - that was only verbal - he has not stopped giving anything - unless you count the normal husband wife relationship, that laughter, the little hugs and sweet nothings) Well, if it is not these little emotions that count, I don't see what does.

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

My parents live in 2 different states. First trip home, I went straight to inlaws place even though my husband was coming later. I had to wait 3 weeks to see my parents when they came to my inlaws place. It was horrible for me, but my mother told me that it was better this way as they would not have too much to complain about if I went to them first. We grew up abroad and thats what my mother did. We would always go to my father's home town first, and in between my mother would take us and visit her family. My father would come for a couple of days in between to meet my grandparents (moms)

We always go to Chennai first, and then only to Kerala where my parents live. Hurts, but my father will call about 10 minutes after he feels I would have reached the house. One time I was visiting alone for a function at my sister's place. I asked him if just this one time I would be able to go straight to my parents place. He just said "don't create issues in the family". I was mad at him at the time for saying that thinking he did not want that. But its only very recently that I realized that its because he did not want my inlaws to hassle me that he said it. Because he has told me that next time I visit I don't even have to go to his parents place because his parents would probably be coming sometime soon to settle here. He very clearly said..next time you go, go spend time with your parents. They need to have their grandchild with them for as long as they wish.

Everytime i begin to wonder WHY I married this man, he says something like this and I tell myself THANK GOD I married this man

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

My pil live in chennai and my parents in kerala. To be honest I value my peace of mind and happiness more than my in laws opinions and turn deaf to their nagging. Whenever I go to India, I find it as the best time I get once in a year or two to spend time with my parents, sister and cousins. So I always land at my parents place. Though it is a one month trip, I go to inlaws place for a maximum of two days.( lots of stories behind this attitude of mine). Last time it was just for a day.

It it is my VACATION and I don't have time to waste fighting and defending myself from their sarcastic comments.

I have made it clear to my dh that I will land at my parents place and visit pils for a day. My point is they didn't even bother to ask me how I am or where I am during the normal weekly calls. So why should I spend my vacation at a place where people don't like my presence.