how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cities?

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

This reminds me of the time when both my DH and me went to India. My BIL came to receive us at the airport. My father( who is also in his late 60's) came to see me at the airport. He was not well also at that time. Now, the situation will be like this that if I talk happily with my parents or my siblings my ILs keep long faces. He is my father, but if I talk to him more than I talk to them, it incurs their displeasure. Anyway this was in the past. Since then I have developed a thick skin and ignore them. Because the same rule ofcourse does not apply to any other female in my IL's family. Be it my MIL,SIL or cosis.

When I travel on my own, I go to my parents house first. When we both go together, then we visit our inlaws house first. Now with the little one, my MIL wants me visit my parents house for more time(!). Did not get that though whether she wants to tell others that I prefer my parents more or whether she wants my parents to take care of my baby more.

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

Renu.. I am neutral abu visiting ILs first... infact I find it as a boon visiting them first...
Cos if I visit my parents first.. in our culture the ILs would expect to get loads of items from mom's house to them as if u were a new bride...
They already have endless complains on marriage gifts & hence I dont want to add to their "agony/ complain list" :biglaugh.
Altho they dont speak abu it openly now anymore but then knowing their expectation now I know wht all my greedy MIL want me to get the moment I open my bags.. accompanied with "Now u get everything everywhere -u dont need to get any" and still grabbing.

Also it shall be an unnecessary pressure on my parents to pack me with stuff for them when during air travel u have limited space for ur own stuff & goodies tht ur mom packs for u with love, I really dont want to share with that wicked lot.. who will still have endless complains munching away those precious eatables done with loads of love.

Also I want my vacation to end on a happy note rather than sick comments.. my mom releases me with all dingy comments these ppl pass.

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

Dear Renu,

Thatz the sad reality of the society now.But as PMahensa has told, we need to look at it and act in a positive way.If you go to your Parents place first , then it will definitely create rift between your parents and ILs.(I am personally against this "First ILs place" concept.)

But nothing stops you from showing your affection towards your dad who had come to show you right?Tell a "Hi" to everyone and start talking to your dad thereon when your hubby is speaking to his mom.Afterall they are parents and each one of them expect their child to speak with them.Then tell that you will meet them soon at your house.Take them to their ILs place if you are comfortable.When you are expected to go there first(ILs house) it is your house then and you are also a stakeholder in the house.

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

My case is the same too...but inaddition to all these, my ILs expect that my parents come and invite the Son-in-Law formally or else I would have to beg and cry to go my parent's place. My husband visiting my parent's place with me is a totally different story(it rarely happens like an eclipse). To top all these, my parents couldn't recieve my husband from the airport when he came for our wedding due to all the workload. From then on, my ILs made sure that my parents would never ever come to the airport to recieve my husband or send him off and they've succeeded in it till now. So I dont get an opportunity to meet my parent's at the airport too... I wish that it all changes over the years....

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

It is really sad that our society still sticks to old rules and regulations! I wish ppl would change. I got married last august and am yet to go back to India. Am really apprehensive of this first visit (which I don't know when). I might have to go to my IL's place first too and the thought fills me up with anger. But, what can we do? At least, if I go alone, I know I will go to my parent's place, which is a little comforting. When I came here after the wedding, I managed to come back to my parents place because I had to pack and so, went to the airport from my house. But, am not sure how it will work out on subsequent trips. Anyway, the idea of going to parent's place if we go alone is a good one, I think. Hope everybody is lucky enough to bring it into practice.

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

If i go on my own with the kids I go to my parents house first give them a courteous call to say we have reached .
She usually asks when i'm coming to which i reply with my hubby not before.
Because if i am on my own with her she will put words in my mouth and add mirchi masala, meat masala, sambhar masala and tell my hubby, who will blindly believe whatever she says, so avoid more problems i do his.
If we are going together then it depends on the siuation. if we have nothin planned in advane then unfortunately I will have to go to his place.

BUt I prefer to go to my place first as my mom can look after the kids while I sleep.

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

Hi all,
By reading this one, I really feel very bad.
The same thing happened to me also. People never change..:-(

The first trip I went to my MIL place due to critical situation. The second one I went directly to my parents place and informing that I safely reached.At that time, they wont tell us anything, after my husband come, there has been fight between them.. in that this point burst out that I went to mom place directly.

Why they dont understand us.

Will they accept if my husband go to our home(My parents) directly..???

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

This seems to be an old thread but I am coming across this situation now...

Me and H are travelling to India in about 2 months from now....my MIL had not let me stay with my parents before moving here and even had called all her extended family the day we were leaving inspite of knowing my parents were going to come to see me off.....

I decided then and there that I have had enough of this..."what will people think if bahu goes to parents house" crap.....remember one thing ladies...what you do first time sets a trend for all future visits....

Thankfully I made this above story clear to DH and he knows it was wrong...so though he says he will feel alone if we go apart from airport...he says "I understand" to which I say " then you accompany me to my parents' house"....lol.......which he will never do...so he will never force me.....

MIL has mentioned on spending equal time at her house when I visit India ...to which I say..." I will spend as much time as her son spends with my parents...." which is enough to set expectations right...knowing we will travel only for 15 days....both are professionals.....

I don't owe it to anyone to explain why I need to meet my parents first after traveeling after 1/2 years ...beleive me ...noone is worth this.....if your DH understands good.....I don't expect ILs to understand this...that is why maayka is maayka......

 

Re: how do you feel when you go to Inlaws house first from abroad/living in other cit

rins, :thumbsup good that your DH is understanding and cooperative.. although it may not be a good idea to bring in equations like "I will spend as much time as her son spends with my parents". Let your H answer your MIL as to how many days his wife will spend time at their house.


In my case, my DH will never say I should go to his parents house first and he will not let MIL say that either. And I never tell my DH that he MUST spend this many days at my parents place. There is no one pressurizing anyone to do anything in particular. So, out of respect and gratitude that they don't force me, I prefer going to my ILs house first. Plus, I don't get to bond with my ILs as much as I want (no thanks to my evil SIL)... so when I am in India, I would love to bond with ILs, esp MIL.