1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

How do you feel when inlaws take the credit for your child's achievements

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sm123, May 12, 2015.

Page 1 of 2
  1. May 12, 2015 #1
    sm123

    sm123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    113
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello ladies,

    My friend told me an incident today:

    Seems like her DD achieved some prize in one of the competition and also she got into some art work etc etc..My friend is very much into the art and all these activities and she is a topper in her academics as well.Her DD looks at her Mom's work and keep taking that inspiration and they do many things together..In fact,I have heard that kid saying that,my mom is very good in art and academics and other stuff.I always like her etc...

    When they told this news to her In-laws,they were oh,good etc..and they were telling all the relatives and called my friend's parents and told them it seems,that its because the grand father does that,that's why the kid does that..its all because of the grand father and not even a single mention about my friend..


    My friend told me about this and felt bad,I said..Don't be childish and let the grand parents think whatever they want and you know that your kid is inspiring from you.So,why you care about what anyone thinks etc..Then she said,I know its childish,but felt bad,when they take a full credit..In fact,its not even my credit too.The kid definitely put his 100% best and then I supported him..It could have been said that way,instead in laws are saying,everything is because of grand father(because he was a professor in college and did PhD in Knitting etc).I said,I know..but don't think too much about as it will eat your brain.

    To be honest,What my friend said was right,but didnt know what to say..Does any of you,had experienced these kinds of situations..How do you feel in those times?

    Thanks.
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2015
    sm123, May 12, 2015
    sm123, May 12, 2015
    #1
    1 person likes this.
    Loading...

    Similar Threads
    1. Goahead

      Hatred Feeling For My Inlaws And Sil

      Goahead, Mar 22, 2018, in forum: Relationship With In-Laws
      Replies:
      3
      Views:
      2,415
      iamsrihere
      Mar 23, 2018
    2. SadMarried

      How many of you dont have to live with InLaws on daily basis and feel lucky about it?

      SadMarried, Jul 7, 2015, in forum: Relationship With In-Laws
      Replies:
      34
      Views:
      5,719
      SadMarried
      Jul 15, 2015
    3. kirann

      My father always makes me feelguilty bec i dont staywt my inlaws

      kirann, Jul 16, 2013, in forum: Parents & Siblings
      Replies:
      6
      Views:
      1,787
      123thirumala
      Jul 24, 2013
  2. May 12, 2015 #2
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    One day,when my daughter was very young,she told her friends mother"My mummy is very crafty mummy".....meaning good with crafts...but it actually/also means a sly ,deceitful person....:rotfl

    Your friend can start calling her fil a very crafty grandfather.....gigglingsmiley


    Just joking okay...:coffee.

    Tell your friend to ignore.....let them say what they want.If they do it often...they will only look silly and petty.
     
    yellowmango, May 12, 2015
    yellowmango, May 12, 2015
    #2
    7 people like this.
  3. May 12, 2015 #3
    Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    377
    Likes Received:
    761
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry OP...

    I was just in shock when I read this post.

    Have we become this sensitive to petty issues like this :(
    If our generation is this sensitive, how sensitive our children will be.

    What is wrong in someone saying a child is like a grandpa or grandma...are we so insecure that we cannot even handle this.

    I was raised in a huge house with my cousins. Total of 7 children within 7 years age gap. At any given time there will be at least 5 kids running around the house. I call all my aunts as amma and my cousins do the same. There was never an incident where my mom felt insecure because I was raised by so many people.

    My dad's mom is a famous barathnatyam dancer. I did not learn dance from her. But when I was young any silly steps I did..always was praised that I took after our gma. Now all the girls in my family are excellent dancers and all the credit goes to my gma. I feel very proud about it...I cannot even imagine my mom feeling jealous over this.

    I suggest, tell your friend not be this sensitive..just praise her kid as she was blessed with artistic eyes from both you and fil
     
    Jazmine83, May 12, 2015
    Jazmine83, May 12, 2015
    #3
    5 people like this.
  4. May 12, 2015 #4
    anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    637
    Likes Received:
    785
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    the point is that would you gma mind is you mom said 'all these girls dance because of me ".. op's friend just venting it out.
     
    anahita5, May 12, 2015
    anahita5, May 12, 2015
    #4
    3 people like this.
  5. May 12, 2015 #5
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,513
    Likes Received:
    30,286
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    sm, parenting is a tough job. It is exhilarating and a privilege and a joy but it is also tough. When a child achieves something or is struggling with something, the parent does all he/she can, but finally parent is also human - wants help, empathy, acknowledgment, and all those things that guy Maslov put in that pyramid.

    Even between a husband and wife (i.e. the father and mother), both no doubt give their all to the parenting task, but individual achievements can have more effort from one parent - often due to valid reasons like logistics. I think if that parent is given or needs the acknowledgment, it is OK.

    So, I am saying that your friend's hurt is understandable. I would tell a friend that I understand her hurt, but as long as she and her husband are very appreciative of each other's efforts in parenting, the rest doesn't matter.

    Maybe the grandparents did not 'exclude' mentioning mom's contribution. Rather they "did not include" :)
     
    Rihana, May 12, 2015
    Rihana, May 12, 2015
    #5
    8 people like this.
  6. May 13, 2015 #6
    CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    1,636
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Kind of silly that the grandparents and parents taking the credit, it was the child who did the achievement and she should get the credit :)
     
    CrayoNess, May 13, 2015
    CrayoNess, May 13, 2015
    #6
    7 people like this.
  7. May 13, 2015 #7
    PavithraS

    PavithraS Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,048
    Likes Received:
    4,130
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Female
    It is best to let go of this matter ! Grandparents , especially those who are actually not residing with us, tend to do so just to boost their ego that even though we are not together we have that grip on you kind of message. It might even be true to some extent, as the child is after all bearing their genes. No offence should be taken for such a petty remark.. The child needs their blessings and love as well very much for his success. How long are they going to be around ? It is better to let them be happy by Being magnanimous...

    Even my MIL will use the same kind of approach, which I neither accept nor dispose. I simply nod my head in both ways about which my poor MIL knows nothing !:shhh: Bless her innocent soul !;-)

    A simple way to tackle this is to ignore this. By giving importance to what they say, your friend unnecessarily deviates attention from what she should actually do, keep on doing her best to the child. He knows what the TRUTH is .Rather than being hurt on the omission by her in laws, your friend could just keep on what she is doing best, that is to motivate her child as both of them know that only well. There will come a time , when the child itself will acknowledge her part in his life. Said that, are parents doing their best for children for getting acknowledgement ? Does not that sound silly ?

    Regards,
    Pavithra
     
    PavithraS, May 13, 2015
    PavithraS, May 13, 2015
    #7
    1 person likes this.
  8. May 13, 2015 #8
    PavithraS

    PavithraS Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,048
    Likes Received:
    4,130
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, Even then if your friend feels bad, I tell you a secret which I follow with my in laws.

    Whenever my child does something cute and my in laws get to know of it, Before they could boast about their lineage and genes etc. I give them credit saying this is all because of you only guys. Flattery, simple ,straight. Though they will feel happy about it , they will also feel shy, they really are sweet people, and start giving me praise and credit and that news will fly over telephones soon..

    Mission accomplished for me...laugh1smiley

    Regards,
    Pavithra
     
    PavithraS, May 13, 2015
    PavithraS, May 13, 2015
    #8
    5 people like this.
  9. May 13, 2015 #9
    sumzaya

    sumzaya Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    194
    Likes Received:
    310
    Trophy Points:
    130
    Gender:
    Female
    Wow. Wat an idea sirjee....
    I copy that...from now on.. Lemme c.how it gonna work.. ;)
     
    sumzaya, May 13, 2015
    sumzaya, May 13, 2015
    #9
    4 people like this.
  10. May 13, 2015 #10
    sm123

    sm123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    113
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear,

    Thanks for the reply.

    My friend is not feeling bad,because her DD is like her grandparents.The issue is the grand parents,didn't want to include the mom(my friend) at all,for helping the child to reach the levels.

    To be honest,like other IL said,its not the parents or grand parents,the child did his best and everyone is trying to take the credit for it.

    Personally if it is upto me,I would definitely appreciate the "real" involved/motivated person(either parents or grand parents),along with the child,off course..and not brag about family tree or family culture etc..

    Hope you got it.

     
    sm123, May 13, 2015
    sm123, May 13, 2015
    #10
    1 person likes this.
Page 1 of 2

Share This Page