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How Do You Face Criticism Of Being Called Unlucky

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mangaii, Jan 20, 2022.

  1. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I don’t remember the backstory. Does the SIL have a husband or is she completely dependent on you financially?
    It looks like she has frustrations in life which she is taking out on you. It is not fair to you as you realize and you are spoiling your own health and peace of mind.
    Will your husband agree to go to a counselor with you so you can get some strategies on how to deal with the situation? If he sees from a third party how badly this is affecting you it might inspire some changes.
     
  2. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    It is unfortunate your Husband cannot cut her off, and your MIL can side with you and your Husband.

    Similar thing happened in my family. Brother cut off his sister and Mother was understanding.

    Now the sister is old and lonely (she made her loser son divorce a highly qualified match from India, she is Doctor, her Father is HIGH rank in Indian army) because her children realize she is a snake.

    Either you get hurt, or your SIL gets hurt, it seems.
     
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I think it’s her who is unlucky and not you.
    Probably she is jealous of you that Inspite of all the hardships you faced you tried to overcome it.

    Next time if at all she repeats the same thing, just tell her why can’t you pass on some good luck to me instead of simply accusing??
     
  4. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, you are not unlucky. Your husband dont think so. Its normal to have ups and downs in our life. So why you care about her.
    Please dont share details about your life or money to her or try to explain. Believe in yourself.

    When she accuses you, she expect you to defend and get more details from you. Its her tactic of making you feel guilty. So be smart. Do you need her certificate? No.

    Next time, agree with her accusations with an ' i dont care attitude' . See how she is going to react. But use a humour tone or neutral calm tone. Leran to ask questions to her and divert topic. If she mention about bad luck, say something like this. ( modify as much as you need it, but she will never expect this approach ) .

    Yeah...you can think in whatever's way you like . I dont believe in luck or bad luck. Same with my husband too. But if you like to believe it, you can, I dont care as its your choice. May be you should be careful even to talk to me or accept any gift or money as it may bring bad luck as you believe in it. I know who I am, so I am least worried sbout what others think. Anyway, I am praying for every ones happiness every day... Then ask questions, how is.....you should learn how to talk about neutral subjects and divert topic.

    Please dont take these comments seriously. Its not easy. But learn it. You know what happen mostly? She will sleep very happily after venting her frustrations. But you will loose peace of mind and end up having sleepless nights...

    Its quite natural to feel sad due to these accusations. But its always there, so we need to cope with it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2022
  5. aks12

    aks12 Bronze IL'ite

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    It is a tricky situation especially if the sister is elder. Your husband should act as a wall between you and your SIL. Again, it is really his responsibility to protect his wife from such accusations. If he is not able to act as a strong wall, you will feel the "breeze" of your SIL. But again as someone said earlier, these things will be there and we have to find a way to cope with it.
     
  6. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    so should be the returns...
     
  7. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Please update us on what happens the next time you are insulted
     
  8. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @mangaii,

    Unlucky is the accusation that in-laws use when they have nothing substantive to blame. No one is a specialist in luck and unluck. What we define as our success is sometimes referred to by others as luck and what we define as our adversity is sometimes referred to by others is illluck. You don't have to give credence to others opinions.

    I think you should build courage to be unaffected by these kinds of accusations. I wouldn't even recommend asking your husband to defend you as it will be further viewed as your weakness. As long as you feel the pain, the accusers to continue to rejoice that their words have necessary effects of what they wanted to accomplish. When you show you are unaffected by their words, these accusations will fade out quickly. Once you show sign of happiness ignoring those accusations, your life will turnout to be filled with happiness. It is our mind's reactions that has a prolonged impact in our feelings. Once you learn to deal with it quickly and don't allow it to sulk for a long time, you will be fine. Sometimes, you can reduce this reaction time by responding to the accuser firmly.
     
    Dishaa and mangaii like this.
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks you for this post. I have always longed for some kind of validation from my SIL because of my husband glorifying his family and due to my own innocence. Now I feel these things don't make any difference. It is just my need to get this validation caused all these pain in me. What is the barometer to measure luck ? I know I work hard . I do my best . If she is not satisfied then I cannot do anything about it. My husband is also is going to India to sort these issues and get my jewels back. It is tricky situation since it isn't in my name and there is very less we can do legally. I'm hoping for the best and I hope I will never get to see her even in my life. That is my only prayer. I have no problem with my husband maintaining relationship with her since I feel as adults we both are capable of making our own relationship . I have come to stage where I accepted that this chapter in my life reached its end. I went into this relationship with open mind but it didn't workout the way I expected it. I hope I stay strong till the end and never give her access to my life ever.
     
    chanchitra and Viswamitra like this.
  10. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    My husband actually takes a strong stand but only reason I need to listen to her is because she still has my jewels and refusing to part with it. Once I get my jewels back I don't have have to ever be part of these conversations. I'm waiting for that day. I'm not interested in retorting to her or giving her stare back because that is not what I want from this relationship. What is bothering me is how I missed all the cues that how terrible human being she is. Respect is blind is so true in my case. Every time I raised question about her acts it was always brushed off as me not believing or respecting her. But the mess we are in today is solely based on what she did to us. Even if we go to court we are looking at minimum time period of 5 years to recover everything. If she has told me how she felt about me few years back I would have maintained distance but she took my love and respect for her granted and financially sabotaged me my milking every rupee from my account and other India income and now feels entitled to call me unlucky.
    I know I will bounce back and I'm confident that eventually I will recover from these loses but the scar she left in my heart will never go away.
     
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