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How Do You Face Criticism Of Being Called Unlucky

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mangaii, Jan 20, 2022.

  1. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    My husband used to save and send every penny to his family before marriage . After marriage we obviously had increase in expense of family, kids and education. My husband also went through period of unemployment. Since his family was also doing well he stopped this payment during pandemic. He usually shares his ups and down with his family. This has boiled down to only one thing with my SIL. She keeps saying all because of my bad luck. It is not once or twice it has been uttered so many times now I have only accepted that as truth. Recently in phone conversation she went on to say how my husband career graph went down after marrying me. How she improved her husband quality of life .
    I'm fed up of hearing this criticism . My husband told them this isn't true and he understands software field has ups and down. He conveyed that life is full of ups and downs and he cannot blame me for his career curve. But for some reason this comment keeps coming to my mind every time I do something. Now I have started to wonder myself maybe I'm unlucky. I'm just venting don't know why my mind keeps thinking about this sentence the minute I'm free. Any suggestions on how to overcome this negative thinking ?
     
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  2. Caide

    Caide IL Hall of Fame

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    @mangaii

    Hi
    I can totally relate myself with the situation you are going through as I think I am very unlucky. But my situation is totally different from yours.

    I am glad that your husband is taking your side. Don't think too about sil, from what I have understood if she really cares that much she could have helped your husband like the way of her saying that she has helped her husband's.

    She is just venting things for whatsoever reason maybe it is for. Just ignore her, some can simply run their mouth anywhere than to actually help .

    Don't judge or come to conclusion that you are unlucky bcz someone says you are. Think the positive side of it:

    Your husband understands you
    You both fought unemployment together and holding each other's shoulder
    Until the family has started to do well, he has supported them. So, its not the luck that played roel there, its both of yours decision to care for them than abt yourselves

    Think in positive way ignoring others comments and focus only on you and your family

    And as for criticism, I myself totally ignore others comments. I personally know how I cared for them and wat i have got from them in return. In comparison, I feel proud of myself than to vent my anger on them. I share my sorrows with my husband and that itself relieve me from pain. And this site keeps my mind off those things

    So think of things you have done for them , you will know how lucky you are for them unlike their comments which are making them unlucky for you
     
    meepre, mangaii, Amica and 1 other person like this.
  3. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    How did your SIL get to this level of accusing you and getting away with these accusations? You either put your SIL in her place or make it clear to your DH that he speaks to his sister and stop these accusations. If you allow people like your SIL they will say anything and get away, so it is up to you to decide whether you are going to let your SIL get into your head and eat your brain and your happiness, or stop this nonsense by cutting off her relationship.
     
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  4. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    By being rude and saying at least they are lucky to have me in the house. Sorry to know about your predicament though.
     
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  5. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Next time when she does this, Ask her how much has she studied....then pause and don't say anything.
     
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  6. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Good idea! I just hope she will be ready for the cold stares afterwards.

     
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  7. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @mangaii ,

    The other side of the same coin is perhaps, because of you worser things may have been averted. I mean it truly. So, say a prayer of thanks for things that have come your way and move on. I understand how you feel. No one wants to be spoken as the bearer of bad luck and noone is the bearer of bad luck for others - think of yourself positively.
     
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  8. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Silver IL'ite

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    These kind of criticism, accusations and negativity are kind of passive aggressive abuse. Your sil is blaming you and you alone have to reply back. Don’t wait for your husband to voice for you. It doesn’t happen as your husband will not be able to argue with her. You are the only person who should retort back. Make a full stop for all these nonsense remarks. So anything negative happens to husband only the wife is responsible and if anything positive happens then he is lucky and spouse isn’t the one there for that lucky charm. These are age old remarks trying to suppress the daughter in laws.
     
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  9. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Say to her: Everything in my life is going good and the only bad luck I see in my life is you as my SIL!

    @mangaii , encourage yourself to fight back, be it your SIL or any other bully in that place. If you don't find the right words to say at that moment when she says something hurtful, atleast say "SIL, I think you should stop this nonsense and start minding your own business". But learn to throw it back.

    You don't have to depend on your H to 'shoo' the morons out of your life. You can do it yourself.
     
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  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    This is a husband problem. He needs to forcefully shut this nonsense down. Your SIL feels emboldened to talk like this because she knows there will be no pushback. Why are you giving her this kind of power?
     
    mangaii, chanchitra and KashmirFlower like this.

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