How Do You Deal With A Sexless Marriage ?

Much needed thread, so men/women can refer to it, in privacy.

One more reason for sexless marriage can be:

Men using sex as a tool to control.

We have seen in movies and stories that the mistress/ wife can get a lot from the Man, if they withhold sex and keeping pouting. So, it is an assumption that women only can use sex as a tool to control.

But in my husband's side of family, I have seen/ heard that sex is tool to control in the man's hand. Once, man and woman have had sex many times, the bond is established chemically, emotionally. No friendship, no hobbies together is needed for this dependency- it is very chemical bond and takes very less time for the new bride.

Now the man- who was never emotionally involved or had a friendship with his bride, tries to reject in bed or starts sleeping alone. This step is disastrous for the woman involved- because she is new in the family, emotionally, chemically and financially dependent, on her man. At this stage, the woman crawls on knees to appease the man and his family members, and return they play mind games and manipulate her.

This is a real scenario in my IL place, they get a new bride in the family, every few years and repeat the same things. They call it 'breaking the women'. They have done this for many generations, many women have committed suicide.

It is very hard for the woman to understand what is going on...till many years. All family members are on the evil side- the MIL, SIL, the sons/daughters of SIL, FIL.

So what I trying to say is that sex should always have "talk" factor to it. A person, who neglects, never talks, insults but needs sex, may be out to make you dependent on himself/ herself. Always doubt if a newly married man doesn't talk, wants nothing other than 2 min sex.
If someone is seeing this pattern, recognize it early, try to withhold sex from your side. What you will see that this person does not care- since they have a lot of control or getting it somewhere else.
Please plan an escape route!!

If you have kid during this time, make peace with yourself and yourself only, accept status quo, put down some guidelines that respect you and stay put!

I also heard about a rule on radio,somewhere in some unknown country:
How to control your woman:
Light beating is okay
Then proceed to talk to her family- tell them to teach her, insult them
Then proceed to 'rejecting her in bed'

Readers, since this a planned approach by the IL family and husband, it can go for many years. If the woman does not share her experience with anyone, then it might take her very long to understand the manipulation and mind games, she go in depression, or loose mental balance...in this case only the parents can come rescue- please share with them and slowly build your exit plan.

All in all: Sexless marriage is not normal, especially if happening from man's side, early in marriage. If you think something is wrong, it probably is. Share with your mother, however embarrassing.