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How Do You Control Your Anger?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Feb 27, 2020.

  1. Soch

    Soch Silver IL'ite

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    Nothing wrong in giving it back. I have also come across so many like this. I keep it in mind and it disturbs me every time. One point in time it burst out very badly and it will be like I shouted at them unnecessarily. So we have to learn the tactics of giving back politely. Like instead of shouting, with smile in face reply to them. If they react also it will be like boss you fun made of me, I too did it, why do you take it badly.
    Try something like deepthyanoop said. Dont control our anger show it in polite way. I am also in learning phase .
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2020
    anika987 likes this.
  2. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    @anika, proud of you for doing what you did,I requires so much courage. If someone helped you financially, does not mean you have sold your self respect to them. Please be away from these relatives, you dont need toxicity in your life.
     
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  3. katchibinanda

    katchibinanda New IL'ite

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    When I say do not angry me people listen.
     
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  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    yeah if we stand up..suddenly we become the bad person!!

    Then they will say things like you are sensitive,this and that...They will never accept their faults...

    I have also Told politely,nothing works..I just lost my cool
     
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  5. Soch

    Soch Silver IL'ite

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    Then just dont worry, that is their limit. What you have told is exactly correct. I have also heard those things like sensitive, react for small things. They have teased for my colour and looks, and cooking etc. I also feel bad to give it back as they helped me during my marriage and pregnancy as I lost my mom before marriage. On top of if they use me like anything, they even started tease my daughter. Now I stopped going to their place means reduced frequencies, talks only if they call else just leave it. My aunt never calls me but she says you are not calling and tells i cant call and all, as if she is not calling her daughter. They wont change.
     
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  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Standing up for yourself and defining the boundary is very important in any relationship.

    I dont find those comments by your relatives funny. Its verbal abuse. I would have responded to them like @Viswamitra mentioned. They deserve the taste of same medicine even if its rude. I generally give anyone one or two chances, but the third time they get it very bad (I am also a soft spoken introvert). Only then they realize, how you felt. In your case they tested your patience many times, good that you give it back.

    When we get angry or raise voice, these kind of people see only the anger and consider its as disrespect. They dont remember for one moment what they did to you and blame you as bad a person. So trying to be calm and cool, but talk the same way back, like I mentioned is the most effective method in my observation. If I meet them next time I will talk in a sarcastic way if I get a chance.

    Facing it head on is the best way than running away from the problem. Next time they will be careful, I am sure. No need to apologize. Be cool and behave as if nothing happened. Don't runway from them. How long you will run? If not them, someone else will be in their place. Be brave, try not to get angry , or raise voice and but face it with a cool mind.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2020
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  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Retort to aunt could be:
    Say With a smiling face in low tone, “It must be hereditary thinking. Did you not look at your MIL’s or your FIL’s face when you din’get poop for few days in a row? “
    • The reaction from aunt could be total silence in utter confusion ....
    • Leave the scene in a huff as if you not heard it and drink water in her presence and offer her too a glass: this could be a face cut or nose cut.
    The danger of letting anger generated in the body is to increase secretion of cortisol and suppressed high voltage at nerve ends eventually translates into aches and ailments.

    God bless.
    God - when you get wild you would be a in a different avatar coming out breaking huge pillars.

    Thanks and Regards.
     
  8. Tamrakshar

    Tamrakshar Gold IL'ite

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    IMO, this poop comment may be blown out of proportion by various respondents. You know what? Some people remain very superstitious, no matter how successful they become in life. I will give you one example of Sachin Tendulkar. When he played a good knock, but got out before the team's victory, he would not untie his pads and gloves. Instead of going inside the dressing room for refreshments, he would sit with the players as long as the team didn't win. There are myriads of such examples of superstition among players.

    Now, in this case, my guess is that, once a little child might have cleared his bowels after meeting you. They might be referring to that. They might not be actually demeaning you. This might be a light-hearted banter, which should not be taken too seriously.
     
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  9. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    well even if it is lighthearted..this is just one thing.There are many things that has been said and done for many years.
    They can make the same comment to their daughter in law?their son?their daughter?no they won’t.

    How do I say?there are things which are intentional and some unintentional.

    For eg: My mom lives in my dad’s pension.The same relatives time and again comment to my mom “you are the richest in the family now..your husband’s pension is more than enough.lucky you”..

    What is so lucky about a woman losing her husband when she was 30 and living in pension?Isn’t that hurtful?Is that comment needed?there is a boundary between being funny and just blurting out what one wants and expecting people to take it as fun.

    My mom says the pension is “blood money”.Today we are doing okay coz he spilt his blood for this pension we receive.

    They have said and done many things.This comment acted like a trigger for me to burst out.This comment is told to me every single time they meet me.

    I am human too.They can take my yelling and let it go?Nope.They still did not call and honestly I feel relieved.
     
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2020
  10. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    People expect others to take whatever comments come may,laugh it off and not be bothered.If the victim reacts,they are the ones who are questioned.

    We get to be told we are sensitive ,need to grow up,this and that..

    Just as a reference..this new movie “Thappad” came.The heroine receives one slap and her application of divorce is being claimed that she is blown by things out of Proportion coz it’s okay between a husband and wife.She is the one being questioned.Why is that?

    Just using that as a reference not saying the movie has got anything to do with this thread..

    It is frustrating when the one who always gets targeted is the one who is questioned and expected to let go..

    It is wrong.People need to know their boundaries for anything.It is not that difficult.
     
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