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How do u politely turn down requests to borrow money?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by generic, Feb 29, 2016.

  1. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Me and my friends, relatives have faced many situations where we had to lend money but never got it back...mostly becos the person taking the money conveniently forgets to return it..few examples:

    1. During college days we had to purchase some equipment for the lab for doing some project work..one of my friend knew 1 distributor who sells it at subsidised price..the project group consisting of few classmates, few juniors and few seniors, who wanted it asked her to get it and then collect the cash from them..she spent 2000+ INR for it..but after getting the equipment very few paid up promptly and all others made excuses or avoided her and dint pay up..it was final year and after passing out she couldn't even keep track of those people and hence ended up losing at least half of the money spent not it..

    2. I often used to share cab and auto with one aquintance while going back home from coaching class as both were in same area..her home was on the way and she would say " I will pay my share tomorrow ok" and never would..couple of times it happened I stopped waiting for her and sharing transport and started travelling on my own at my own convenience..

    3. One relative of mine ..distant uncle has a wife, 2 kids...he has the expense of school education, home loan , day care and extra curricular activities of kids apart from household expense...his wife works but doesn't earn very well..now from the outside all think that they are well off and his relatives ask for loans from him..being extremely generous he lends money even if he can't spare it..and is not prompt in recovering it...if he doesn't even ask how can he get it back..his wife, my distant aunt is kinda worried and has mentioned many times that they struggle so much to earn money and pay off loans , instead of concentrating on savings he is lending money to anyone who asks for it...

    4. One more relative told me how she had a maid who was working for about 2 years in her home..the maid asked her for loan for household requirement ..a few thousand rupees..she has given it as the maid pleaded with her and told her that its urgent.. and maid promised to return in 2-3 months,..but after said time period elapsed, even after reminding many times she didn't return it and then went on leave for few days and was not to be seen..she sent word through some other maid that she got work in some other house and won't be coming back..my relative regrets helping her maid ..she got another maid..now that maid is also asking some loan of 3000 Rs and she is confused if she can trust her with the money or not...is there a good way to tell her she will not entertain any request for loans or advances? These days its become a common habit for maid to request their employers for loans of large amounts, even more than they can afford to pay back..want to know how many of u entertain such requests, how many of u reject the requests and how do u recover any money lent to them?

    5. During get togethers and group lunches whether among friends, or class mates or colleagues its quite common that one person pays the bill by credit card and all others pay back that person either by cash or money transfer..becos not all will have the proper changes in cash with them..there have been many situations among me and friends when one has paid but others not prompt in repaying the amount or does not pay ..even after sending gentle reminders they make excuses to not pay up.. ultimately one person in the group always ends up losing money...

    These situations are common among all..wanna know how you dealt with it and refused when asked to lend money? Does the polite approach or diplomatic approach or firm approach work better in dealing with such situations?

    Especially situations 4 and 5 are very common and happened to so many people, would appreciate suggestions on good ways to deal with it...

    If we lend money or pay on behalf of someone we end up losing it often..small amounts we can let go but not larger amounts..if we dont lend for some reason after knowing the nature of the person, we are publicly labelled as "Kanjoos" or "miser". Isn't this very unfair?
     
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  2. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Replies please?
     
  3. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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  4. Miracle1000

    Miracle1000 Platinum IL'ite

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    I too have faced this kind of situations many a times. I was embarrassed to ask people the cash they have to give and maximum if it is under 500 I used to let go. But after quitting job and being house wife I can see how much every single stuff costs be it veggie or rent whatever.. and every single penny counts.. you have to see uneducated people or seniors or middle class people actually some people they know the value of money and it's hard earned. They ask for every penny which is theirs. In bus, in shops I have seen.. and now I have practised the habit of saying no when needed. Asking my money etc.. it is your money be it 1 rupee or 1000 rupees you have every right to ask for it.. just ask them once twice thrice till you get the money. It is okay to get labelled as kanjoos other than getting labelled as one who can be easily fooled and used. Nothing to be ashamed of..

    And during my team outings I stopped being the one to take out cash as first person and waited with others and paid my share correctly.. and I usually take 1000 rs note so I can tell I don't havery change at some places..
     
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  5. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply @miracle1000.. Ever since I became unemployed my respect and perception of value of money has greatly increased...I am also shocked after coming across the increasing prices of anything, groceries, fruits, veggies, personal items, public and private transport etc..agree with all points mentioned..I remember that long ago during student days, sometimes while travelling in bus or auto rickshaw with classmates we used to keep account even if someone paid a few rupees extra for someone else when they dint have change..no account is 100% accurate and at any point someone used to owe the other classmate a maximum of 30-50 Rs not more than that..but somehow everyone settled it amongst themselves as soon as possible and thus there were no hard feelings.
     
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  6. Miracle1000

    Miracle1000 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yeah.. true.. these days I find most people even close relatives ready to pounce on us if we are easy prey when we care for others feelings and did not tell them anything.. most of them are just ready to use us and throw. So I have decided it is okay to be a bad person. I do not like being used. :)
     
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