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How do men see women.....now and in future.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by adara, Feb 15, 2010.

  1. adara

    adara Bronze IL'ite

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    A change is happening gradually. Times are different now as compared to our grandmother's days. Women are better educated, have broader outlook and are less dependents.

    Has all this brought about any change in how men perceive women?
    Let us limit our discussion to Indian men here. Do men/husbands accept the fact that women/wives are equal to them in aspects such as decision making, parenting or any other matter? Will all this change lead to still better days when it comes to our daughters' time?? Can a man appreciate his wife being more popular, more successful than him??
    At work place do men think that women can contribute as much as they do??

    I request Ilites, both men and women to come up openly.
     
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  2. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    To talk in general terms, I would appreciate men nowadays....they do give some space to women. Like "Do whatever you want but be one step behind me" Man's EGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I personally like that Ego :)
     
  3. piscesy2k

    piscesy2k New IL'ite

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    yes i completely agree with what mithy said..at the end of it men cant stand it when they feel a woman is better than them...Thats why i have so much respect for abhishek bachan who never fails to be with his wife even if she is far more popular than him
     
  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Adara I feel in any family these are the few adjectives for a DIL.
    Docile Servant -> Educated Servant -> Earning Servant -> Unpaid servant -> Highly paid servant -> Violent Servant -> Pretty servant

    I guess any husband today, tomorrow or yesteryears who's truthful will pick a choose from here ...cos finally all men want wives to serve them.

    The attitude will change only towards mother, daughter, sisters on what their rights are and how should these particular ladies be treated :bonk.

    Some may say that now guys are cooking & helping in day chores but I guess its all relative to population the percentage of guys who help their wives shall remain stable over growing population in any century. So if there were 10 men in 1900 now there are 1000 and hence people feel more male members are contributing.
     
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I have discussed in the past how my dh sees me. This is what I found...

    About earning... he has no problem or ego if I earn more than him. But he says in his conscience, he would feel bad if he weren't able to support me when needed (i.e. when I'm not working, etc). He said as a man, that feeling is still in him that he should be working to support the family, and that working for me as a woman should be an option if I wanted and not a requirment.

    In terms of housework, I'm expected to keep the house clean, but mostly because I haven't been working most of these years. So, since I'm home, obviously I have the most opportunity to clean. However, he also cleans... like the bathroom. Ewww I hate the bathroom cleaning. :hide:

    In general men terms, I agree with Shilpama...

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    Probably Indian men now are more progressive than generation before... but they still have a long way to go in their treatment of women. I think more than accepting the equality of women, they should have the respect for women and all we do.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2010
  6. srvaug

    srvaug Senior IL'ite

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    Indian men are much more dependable and family oriented than the men in foreign countries. In foreign countries they only respect women because they are bought up in a way saying that "not to step on each other toes". They need to be very expressive about their feeling for birthdays, anniversaries, valentines day etc., or else the women or wife who they have been with will *think* he is not caring. Which is mostly NOT the case for Indian women(yes women need expresive feeling from their hubby, but seriously getting an attention once or twice or few times a year on occasions is NOT attention at all. (IMO))
    Couple of days ago dh and I were talking about dieting and stuff and how it pressures women especially NOT Indian women here is why (this is coming from a White women from his company, who is vexed up on men)
    1) They have to look good in order for her man not to stray
    2) In an office party they will eat only salad and not touch rest of the delicious food because again watching weight factor.
    3) They have to watch their looks, weight and how they talk in order to keep a man and pay their bills.

    Clearly, majority of men from India are not like that. (there are few lol). I agree watching your weight and looks make you feel good but seriously isn't it pathetic if you are doing it for some others to look/be with you ? instead for yourself?)
     
  7. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    Personally, I always dream to walk next to my people who are way higher then (not in the tall, in the value). Its my dream to be referred with "Her husband, her father...". Other then physical appearance difference, I always think that Females are no where less then males in today's socity. But in some of the low literacy areas of the world, it does still exist, which is what needs to be away from any future of the women.
     
  8. ganges

    ganges Gold IL'ite

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    dont know about the general attitude. But in my family I can say surely men started seeing women as their equals. I am having two sons and so two DLs. My husband is a nice person, we both were working, even then he will go to office and do some major procurement. thats all. In house hold I have to do all before and after my office time.

    Now I am really happy to see both my sons are taking care of their wives, sharing the house holds, discussing on all matters, attending the kids, cooking etc. Both the sons bought the houses in joined names with the wives which my husband never thought when we bought the house. Why even I didnt feel for that. Still I cannot say he is an egoistic person. Compared with my FL who beat my MIL, My hus is a gem.

    I am really happy for the present change in my family , because on noticing them now my husband has changed his attitude a lot for doing veg cutting, rotti dough making, cloth drying , morning chai making etc.

    Hats off to my children ( All the four ).

    ganges
     
  9. sowmyar

    sowmyar New IL'ite

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    I would say that men in general, Indian men in particular, have NOT moved on much with respect to how they perceive a women, as an 'individual'.

    Let us set a place in time when the status of women was only as 'property', owned by father, passed on to husband and eventually moving to 'son' or male heir. This is the typical 'medevial' patriarchical era we feel has passed. But to me just because another 'Henry VIII' cannot get away with his atrocities, it barely 'uplifts' a woman's status. To me, the ATTITUDE is what is more important, and if helping with household chores and 'allowing' the wife to work is credit to men, then YES women are gaining strength. BUT the underlying problem is that most men still 'expect' several things from a spouse, things which they would never dream of doing themselves. No man will detach himself from his parental home and embrace the wife's home as his own, give up a job and move post marraige or if wife moves jobs, take complete parental responsibility, and so on. More significantly men still expect frequent pats on their backs for doing grand 'favors' for women emancipation. :bowdown

    Personally I never look at 'equality' as a goal. But given that feminism is a 'bad' word in today's world (perhaps even politically incorrect), and judging from personal experience, I will concede that women are 'partners in crime' too :spin- please guys no offence. I think many women would rather concede areas where they see 'change' rather than acknowledge that much more is called for. Even many of my close girlfriends would react with surprise if I spelled out what I thought about guys who pretend they have 'given' women equal rights - for crying out loud, after all this time men still think they have agreed to GIVE us what is rightfully ours. :bonk
     
  10. GoodSense

    GoodSense New IL'ite

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    Wishful thinking, I would say.

    Maybe there is a small percentage of men who do see women as fellow humans, not just unpaid labor - but the majority of men (Indian men atleast) do not think of their wives as partners.

    To the average Indian man, marriage is not for companionship. It is for - "food, clean house, family, sex" all on demand. When men want to make some professional decision, they usually think only of themselves. Their wives never figure in their decisions. A man will decide to move to another place for his job, and no one will accuse him of being 'career-oriented'. But it is a crime for a woman to think of doing the same.

    I have heard this argument many times - "After all, he is going out and working for your sake, so you must do as he says". I beg to differ, the man is not working for me alone. He is working for himself, primarily. Even if he weren't married, he would work. So he isn't sacrificing his free time for me.

    We still except women to be submissive, even after having given them education on par with a man. What injustice.

    Frankly, everything depends on how a man is brought up - even after living in a progressive society for several years, the bigotry of the childhood household doesn't leave you. We women are guilty in that aspect - don't we encourage our sons to throw temper tantrums? I have personally seen many women who are proud to admit that their sons are domineering and egotistic.

    My request to all those who have little ones - please do not take pride in their temper. It is not a sign of leadership, rather it is a harbinger of unhappiness.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2010

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