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How do I tell my marital status to my new colleagues?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by desposhwetha, Nov 20, 2013.

  1. desposhwetha

    desposhwetha Gold IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    This is my second post here. I have vented out my marriage prob in my prev post . Now acc to suggestions from IL and my fnds I got a transfer to another city in India . My family, my inlaws and my hubby lives in the same city . This is the first time I am staying alone in my 25 yrs and I wanted to fully introspect me, bring in positivity and wash off all the stains from my my heart. I live in a PG .

    Problem 1
    I am not able to say my marital status when my colleagues ask . They culd clearly see my metti and thali (mangalsutra). I have not yet got a divorce . I am waiting for my tempers to cool and go about it . Creepy glances and remarks from colleagues as described by friends scare me out. I seriously dont know what to tell them. My friend suggested me to take off this rope. But my hand trembles when I think of it. My mind says your marriage is over and you are out of his claws. And my heart bleeds emotionally as to "WHY ME"

    2. At complete desolation I confidedd in one of my neighbour (lady) my probs. Actually I have some bruises on my hand as he spilt hot oil on my hand. I wear full sleeved kurti's at office or anywer for that matter. At home she noticed it and asked about the bruises. Unable to control my agony I vented out. We have known each for a week now. Initailly she wa so friendly as I didnt know the language spoken, she took me to the lib, best rest available and a parlour. But after hearing this she hardly spoke to me neither attended my calls. When I came out of my room, she just slammed the door on my face And yesterday to lift up my moods i wore a new salwar. I have waist length hair and am of quite fair complexion . She came right upto me and said"For whom are you dressing up so well. U need not bother about ur looks anymore". My whole day at office was spoilt thinking about this,

    Is this how the whole society reacts. I am feeling even more scared to talk to any other females in the apartment. Just keeping to my books. I dont know how to handle it in office either.

    My mom is already depressed so dont want her to burden her more. Plz do suggest how to handle my situation. Should I walk with my chin high or should I look down

    PS. I am CA (completed my CA Final) and earning 60 + every month; Should I try coming out of India ? Is that the only poss option
     
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  2. Sofea

    Sofea IL Hall of Fame

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    Shwetha,

    Hugs to you! I don't know what problems you had with your husband as I didn't read your earlier post. Nevertheless, if he can abuse you to the extent of pouring hot oil on you, then you did the best thing by moving away from him.

    From what I've been reading in your post here, I'm assured that you have taken a bold and right step to come out of an abusive relationship. In doing that, you have done a good thing for yourself. So be proud of yourself.

    There's no need to be scared of what and how the society perceive you to be. Were the society there to help you when you were being abused? Were they there to judge your abusive husband then? Were they even bothered about what happened to you? If your answer is no to all these questions, then please believe in one thing- you don't owe the society anything.

    So what if the lady slams her door at you? She's a shallow minded lady who can't even understand the pain and hurt you have gone through. What she thinks of you is none of your business. Let that lady wallow in her own demented and shallow world.

    All you have to think about now is yourself. If you think you have done the right thing by walking out of this abusive relationship then stick to your guns. Be proud of yourself and be happy that you've taken a step that most ladies are longing yet still fear the take. You owe yourself that much!

    On that note, you don't really have to explain to your colleagues about your status if you don't want to. If you are feeling bold, just tell them the truth that you are living apart from your husband and are awaiting your divorce proceedings. If they are your true friends, they will be supportive of you. If they are as shallow minded as your neighbour, then just kiss them good bye and walk away from them with your head held high!
     
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  3. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    First of all congrats on taking the bold step to live alone. That's a great first step.

    Regarding colleagues, just inform them that you are married and end the conversation there. You don't have to give any further information and will also stop any glances or remarks.

    Regarding your neighbor, just ignore her. You wear whatever you feel like wearing. Don't even attempt to talk to her. She does not deserve your friendship. In fact, dress perfectly and not even look at her.

    Focus on your work and career. Once your divorce is complete, that's when you can think of moving to other city and start your life again. Best luck and hugs. Come on IL whenever you feel low.
     
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  4. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sofea has given you the best advice. Nothing much to add. I just wanted to express my disgust at the lady who was so insensitive. How horrible and inhuman she is! You don't need such animals around you. Better they stay away from you. Life is precious and you have given it a second chance. Don't let such people pull you down. Confidently tell your colleagues that your marriage is over. I agree with your friends when they say the mangalsutra is a rope now. You should be able to breathe fresh air...don't hold to old stuff that don't matter.
     
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  5. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    Looks like it is pure jealousy, learn from your mistakes, don’t share your personal life with everyone.

    P.S: People like her will not stop if you keep quite if she makes any sarcastic comment in the future, fire back ask her how her husband is still alive tolerating her, that will shut her up.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2013
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  6. RPVAIL

    RPVAIL Silver IL'ite

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    The OP,

    Have not read your earlier posts. Just wanted to reassure you that the reaction from your neighbor just shows how narrow minded she is and does not reflect YOUR position / value in the society. Keep your head high and move on. But be weary of people you are casually acquainted with. Not necessary to share too many details or any details for that matter. Good Luck!
     
  7. desposhwetha

    desposhwetha Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Sofea,Akansha1982, rose8282, Minion for your advice and empathy.Feels warm ..........Yes IL has become so dear to me now; And I met up this lady again this evening when I walked in the corridor of my apartment.Again she came up to me with a similar smirk and said "Y do you have to wear formal pants after seperation. U must stick to chudidhars" I replied back with "Mind your business" I didn't shout but I was strong in my words. With that I walked into my room. She did pass some snide remarks to another female there but I just walked on.


    Felt much much better ; Thanks again to everyone for empathising with me; It means so much to me now
     
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  8. desposhwetha

    desposhwetha Gold IL'ite

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    @RPVAIL

    Thx dear; Sure i would be careful to who I acquaint with in my future.
     
  9. NewlyWifed

    NewlyWifed Silver IL'ite

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    I think that moving out of india will liberate you a lot. I think you should definitely try that. Here people get divorced with kids and that doesnt seem to be a problem with men or women and are much more compassionate and understanding than some heartless and retarded indians like urd nabor
     
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  10. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    If you feel you can live a peaceful life in another country you should definitely look into that option.
     
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