How do I stop worrying so much about making friends ????

anika987 · Mar 17, 2014

I have ALWAYS given friendship the most important thing in my life !!

The thing is,I do not have so many friends even back in India.I have never been out in a big group!! I have been bullied a lot in my past and hence was very careful making friends but ironically I love to have people around me.just that I am scared to get hurt.I made some friends in India but just like every other gal,coming to usa after wedding made me miss my friends.they r all too busy but once in a while i chat with them.

Finally,I gave up on that group and moved to a nice community.Since,i had a bad past with friendships I was very careful with my neighbors and got close to them.but when we meet in parties we r nice to each other.
I feel tooooooooooo lonely.the thing is in India I was like the above but never felt lonely coz I constantly heard sounds of even birds.here it is dead silence.I think it is very tough to be at home in usa.that is why I guess many go to work here.I cannot even go back,thanks to my dh who feel his work his better for him here.

I have kids and lots of work at home but since as i said in the first line,i give too much importance to friendships/relations it is killing me.not able to concentrate on anything!I cry a lot also sometimes.

I am so scared that I am the only person without friends and that I am really going to die alone.kids also after they move out,it is just me and hubby dear.
I get thoughts like....after my hubby what will happen to me???I do not even have anyone else for me for support.why i get thoughts like this all the time.I know I am young and thinking about old age thoughts are irrelevant but I just need some emotional support.I want to stop worrying and start living.does anyone else feel this way?how do i cope up with this?

Please help me.

RedRuby · Mar 17, 2014

Im in similar situation and have lack of friends here as everyone is really busy and the surrounding is so quite that i constantly have the internet radio or some serials on laptop on to get a familiar feeling of being surrounded by noise. I plan to try to joyn some mom groups after my delivery, like baby swimming or other sort of play groups. Just simply any kind of activities where i can mangle with other women, or better moms, as working singles have other priorities or ways to spent their free time. Maybe u have such groups too in ur area? Any possibility u can meet others in a temple for example? further on i have no clue actually what to do.. wish i wud..

anika987 · Mar 17, 2014

U just wrote what I think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I think letting go is the best way to deal with anything. things change!! who knows u might get friends in future or u ay go back to India or things will just be the same.too much attachment is wrong maybe.let go ,accept and live. things will work out.

Priya4oct · Mar 17, 2014

Anika,

Looks like you read my past and present. Exactly same. Not much friends except few who are very busy in their life. In my school, I have few friends to whome I was considering BFF but they never considered and always tried to ignored me. And at the end of day I feel very upset. When I reached in college, same story again though my school friends came (since I was the only one in school to study in one of the best engineering college) and started saying we were the best friends. Now my college friends are busy in their own life and they are never bothered about friends (for them past is past) though I was always thinking for get togather and even tried one but no one wanted to attend by giving some execuses. Whenever I called them, they always came with excuses. same thing happened in my previous company and city. When everyone discuss about golden college/school days , I always keep quit. But now I am no more friends dependent (i feel much better) and start believing on 'Jaise ko Taisa'. Now I call my friends once or twice and if i'll not get good response, i am not bothered.

anika987 · Mar 17, 2014

even I have to stop bothering like u priya. I am glad you are over it.wishing u all the best dear

Mahajanpragati · Mar 17, 2014

OP,
no one will come to you & say 'be my friend'. you need to go out & make friends. start by going to same place regularly like park, library, gym....start saying hello to people. then move to casual chatting about weather ,books or park trees etc........as you get comfortable move to different topics & try to judge what is common between the 2 of you....
talk to your parlour lady, your buildings watchman, to the taxi guy ,to the grocer,to lady who takes her dogs for walk.....horn up your casual conservation skills.....
be a good listener....

don't put conditions like I will make friends only with Indians or whites or will never talk to Mexcians or only young people or old or females.........

I don't know how old is your child .the best way to make friends is to pick up your child from school, start inter acting with moms there ,invite the kids friends for play dates,be part of parents association.....

remember where there is will there is always way..........if you really are keen you will make friends.

PriyaSrini · Mar 17, 2014

Hi Ladies

"Friendship/friends" these days, in my opinion, are just superficial. Sometimes its just to click photos of seemingly happy friends together to upload on FB. I too have similar tales of woe, and the only way to deal with it is to move on. It's not easy ofcourse, and here in India too people are busy for a friendly chat.

I too used to cry when alone. I realised to change that I had to change, yes nobody will come over to be our friend, we have to reach out.

So I first joined an NGO to meet other similar minded people. And joined such forums like Indusladies, to make friends

So Ladies how about we reach out to each other and be friends? friendssmiley

Ninfa · Mar 18, 2014

Dear Anika,
Dont inculcate so much negative feelings, you surely have lot of friends and activities to do over here. Share your daily activities, good or bad emotions over here, IL group of friends are really gonna answeryou

anika987 · Mar 20, 2014

Thanks ninfa

LuvLadoo35 · Mar 20, 2014

Dear Anika,

You have already got some good suggestions from other sisters. I would suggest visit temple, local library so that you can meet some stay at home moms or students. Also if time permits try to volunteer that will give you a chance to get out of house and mingle with people. Volunteer at temple/library/food bank anything in your area.
Also i usually take walks in the evening with the kid and see a lot of moms doing the same. I have found 2 friends in my neighborhood just like this.Don't hesitate to talk to elderly parents taking a stroll ,they are also very good companions.I personally had a very good fortune of meeting one aunty , and ended up spending most of the time with her..visiting temple, cooking, enjoyable tea time chat
Another good way is to start a thread in IL wanting to meet up with people in your area. I have seen many such threads and believe they have been successful in finding some good friends.

Don't feel lonely and helpless..try to find a way out. All you need to do is socialize doesn't matter if its not the same age group