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How do I stop getting jealous?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Feb 9, 2014.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I realized these days I am feeling very jealous and annoyed.especially after having my kid.My co-sister also has a kid of the same age.I recently celebrated my kids birthday.Now,my co-sister is celebrating her kids birthday.She borrowed all my ideas and is trying to upsurge me.Not only that,the birthday invitation which I desperately wanted to be sent out but could not due to some reason.She is using my invitation( I had told her how much I wanted to sent it out).Also, she is using the same theme,everyyyyyyyyyyyything JUST LIKE I DID but even better!!my kid did not want to wear a tiara on the birthday and i had told her how much i would have loved my kid to wear it.now,she brought a stunning tiara for her kid!

    I am sure she wants to totally do a better birthday and make me feel bad that mine is not good enough.to top it,she has some relatives who will praise her to sky high!

    Also,she completely copies my dressing style and wears it at the RIGHT TIME and gets compliments.


    Whatever, i buy or do..She copies exactly but does it even better! it irks me to a great extent.

    I cannot stop her.not my business but how do i stop getting irritated?esp when i see her trying to exceed what i do?

    p.s: everytime she does it better, i feel so low.i feel like" oh!I wish i had brought that style, i wish i could have done that etc".

    I really want to quit being jealous.
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2014
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I am in the same boat as u.would love to hear good answers.
     
  3. englishtutorjul

    englishtutorjul Silver IL'ite

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    Don't give away all your ideas.
     
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  4. HasteRaho

    HasteRaho Platinum IL'ite

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    Well, you know what they say..

    Copying is the highest form of flattery and it sounds like she looks to you for ideas (which she builds upon herself later).

    If it bothers you so much to have your ideas be copied or stolen, then maybe you just need to stop sharing so many details with her (like what ideas you're considering, where to purchase the items from, etc.) and just continue to do your own thing? You're probably feeling jealous because you feel like you were the first one to come up with the idea, which she not only conveniently used…but improved upon. However, she gave you little to no acknowledgement for it. Hey, I get how that can be irritating.

    I'm not sure what else you can do to stop feeling jealous other than to continue doing your own thing and not revealing it until the very end moment. There's also no shortage of ideas in this world…so what if she has taken a page out of your book? Just pick up another!

    Now, are you sure that she's out to "make you feel low" and it's not just something you WANT to believe she's deliberately going out of her way to do? Are you sure it's not one that's simply out of 'convenience' because if she's doing her event after yours, chances are she can conveniently just take on the latest party you did and see what she could take from it to re-use and what to improve upon.

    Also, I don't believe that this is a matter to express your disdain or disappointment in to her in any way because it will make you come across as petty. And if she infact had an alterior motive to make you feel low then she'll get that satisfaction. Instead, just acknowledge the effort she put in but feel free to say that your recognize where some of those ideas came from. One of the ways that you can consider addressing that is let her know that you see that she's used your idea. Say something along the lines of "Oh wow! I'm so flattered to see you have found the ideas I mentioned to you previously to be useful! I like how you've taken it and built on it."

    In a way, the fact that she tries to make the events take place shortly after yours also benefits her because you've already undergone the efforts of trying to solve how to make all the details happen beforehand (and even found the details that were more difficult to execute for one reason or another). She has the leverage of learning from your experiences because not only did she get to learn about your vision beforehand, but then she gets to see how you executed it, and once she attends the event…she'll learn about the parts where it could be improved up beforehand…but as someone who has witnessed that, it gives her the opportunity to do it better. And really, why not? I don't think someone would realistically try to do a "worse" job at putting on an event either, and maybe she just doesn't realize that it's making you upset.

    However, if this is something that's deeply bugging you, just try to plan your events after her own.

    You probably already do this, but please check out Pinterest and Etsy for some really fun ideas. There's a lot of wonderful blogs that provide all sorts of ideas, instructions, time estimates and links on where to purchase items, too. It may help you better plan and execute your ideas closest to your original vision. Another thing to consider is once you figure out what you want to do for your event, prioritize the details that you want to include most because remember…you as the event organizer will be most bugged by the details you were or were not able to execute :) Figure out which details REALLY matter to you, and which ones are "nice to have but you can do without if it doesn't happen"…that way you will be able to focus your attention to the parts that really matter and not try to do everything all at once or be burdened with trying to be a perfectionist over every little thing. This also happens when we become tunnel-visioned about our projects and we become so close and deeply invested that we sometimes give ourselves unnecessary strain.

    And last but not least…when you start to feel jealous over those details (as any perfectionist would)…TAKE A BREAK! Cut yourself some slack, busy hard-working, mom! Take a pause…take a deep breath and remind yourself about what's important to help your mind put it all in context.

    Ask yourself, ultimately, who is this event for? Remind yourself that you are throwing the celebration for your child, after all, and it's your child's happiness that is most important in the end, yes? You wanted your child to wear a tiara but they didn't want to, so what? Learn to let it go and accept the fact that it's a celebration for your child. Your child is excited and overjoyed enough as it is that you've thrown them a celebration and given them the chance to enjoy it with their friends. The rest of your guests will simply be happy to attend and probably won't even notice the details as much anyway (sadly, this happens, too…but that doesn't mean they're not important and you should be proud of yourself that you've gone the extra mile with all the efforts because planning and executing these type of events is also not easy). So at the end of the day, ask yourself whether does all this fretting over details and who did what or who didn't do what really matter? Acknowledge and congratulate yourself on being a wonderful mom who celebrates her child and goes through the efforts of throwing these events :) Everything else be damned!

    Hope this helps, OP! Good luck and take care!
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2014
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you so much hasteraho.that was very sweet of u to give an elaborate reply.u gave very nice pointers.thank u so much again.

    esp loved "so what if she has taken a page out of your book? Just [COLOR=#009900 !important]pick up[/COLOR] another!"

    I will def remember that!


     
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  6. Yahooo

    Yahooo Silver IL'ite

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    One of my friend does the same. I got married before her... She bought the same color n same kind of wedding saree, same photographer, everything almost the same for her wedding... Her son was born after mine. Mine was a normal delivery, hers was a c-section(planned one)... She and her parents decided n told the doctor to perform the operation on the day of a particular star that was my dons, she named her son the same starting letters as my sons name... I never knew till then tht people can behave so cheap... All these made me furious but I just could not say anything... Then she came home and saw my sons annaprashnam pics, she called the same photographer and clicked the same poses... N at last she talks to me in such a way tht it was all her own ideas... Tht irritates me even more... She lives in India and I live in the US(the other end)and still she keeps copying each and everything... My dad n husband always tell me tht u shouldn't get irritated for all these small thngs, instead u should be happy that ur a trend setter... No way, I can't be like that with such people...

    then for for my sons birthday she was not in town(thank God) and by the time she came back, I left to the US... So she didn't get a chance to see the pics... She kept mailing ne asking for the pics but I kept giving reasons... I didn't even post a single pic on fb too... Then came her sons birthday... It was a big flop(she told me this) starting from the cake to the dress of the mom and birthday boy to the decoration everything was bad... Then after a few days I shared my sons birthday pics with her... She got Sooo angry on seeing them and didn't talk for many days but I didn't care... Now I know to be smart and not share anything with her... Just can't stand such people...
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2014
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  7. vibha_81

    vibha_81 Gold IL'ite

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    You should be flattered and not jealous that someone actually listens and likes your taste to that extent. It only proves that you are the creative one. Please do not expect your DD to be as fashion conscious as you are. So what if her DD likes such stuff or your co-sis forced her kid to wear it. If you are always trying to one up her, you will be consumed with negative thoughts. And if not from you she can probably get these ideas from internet, no big deal. Are we commending the author every time we use their ideas? No. Are the authors only posting it for getting flattering comments? No. Feel satisfied that you have helped someone even though they did not acknowledge it.
     
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  8. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    It is definitely irritating to see someone copying you all the time. My own sister does this all the time. She is my senior and prof qualified. Yet she aspires to be better than me in every other respect. Now I don't tell her my plans- even vacation plans. So just stop revealing too much.
     
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  9. vibha_81

    vibha_81 Gold IL'ite

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    I understand that its difficult to be around such people but are you guys concerned about the birthday boy at all? that its a celebration and not a fashion competition or talent competition for the parents? I would not mind sharing info in this case if it means a little boy would have had a better day!!! after all the boy will only remember that he and his parents were happy that day for whatever reason.
     
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  10. indoc

    indoc Gold IL'ite

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    Why jealous.. you shuld be proud that some one's is copying your ideas and following you.
    You are a PIONEER and TREND SETTER & all others are following your path. be proud.
     
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