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How Do I Say No

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Oct 12, 2019.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Lessons of life.
     
  2. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    How do these people find you?

    How are most of your interactions like this?
     
  3. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    I think there is some kind of inferiority complex in you. Maybe you try to do too much when you initially start your interactions with people around you. Do you go out of your way to please people ?
    .You always attract people who try to exploit your time and resource. Please re-evaluate the way you socialize
     
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  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Not most of my interactions. I meet many people, unfortunately 1or 2 turns up mean.
    Maybe I don't share many good incidents here
     
  5. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't see any complex issues with me. I
    can speak my mind.
    I shared this scenario because even after telling her few times, she didn't budge.
    There are many shameless people who can go any extend to get things done.

    For the letters in bold - thanks, yes, I have to admit intially i did few things for her. I shouldn't do things in beginning. Rather give time.
    On why I started doing on first level interactions is thinking it's a foreign land, we have to help our own people. Boy I'm wrong.
    I never ever had these type of people interaction in all these before coming here.

    Normally I do help only when I can or it's an emergency. I don't like to bend backwards too much.
    Here my issue was after repeatedly telling that person, she didn't give up. That's why I posted here.
     
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  6. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    you are totally fine. your nature and social interactions are normal. it is good to meet more people than no people.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
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  7. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    Please share these too . Sometimes it is nice to read positive experiences in life
     
  8. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    @Vedhavalli
    It’s okay ya! Don’t beat yourself up for her behavior! Life is full of learning experiences. We all get surprised. one way or other our assumptions get challenged. With friendships I have noticed it’s important to set the boundaries early on. You already made your point with this woman. If you meet her again and interact just be pleasant. In general, You will slowly learn to set the boundary earlier and earlier. Even if you feel the impulse to offer help think it over before saying so. In general I have found it is better to be strict in the beginning and relax later if the person turns out to be trustworthy.
     
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  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes nothing wrong with this.
    Helping each other in foreign land is essential. But they should also understand how much help they can receive.
    But some people keep asking more and more help shamelessly without even thinking if it’s right or wrong.
    So if you cannot provide help or not comfortable, saying NO is not at all bad.
     
  10. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    We must not volunteer our own personal information in dealing with pests.
    Isn't there a "bugger off" equivalent in whatever language we are discussing here? . OP ought to use that phrase, as a free lesson, and be done with it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019

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