How Do I Not Destroy My Life

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by SuiDhaaga, Jan 3, 2022.

  1. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I think a problem I have is not following directions up to a point.

    In Mahabharata, Duroyodan was told to capture some Sage. But Duroyodan wanted to kill the sage. Luckily he was stopped on time.

    I’ve noticed a life pattern.

    When I am told to do A abandon B, I do A and B. But then I do C, which destroys A and B. All the time effort, sweat and tears to do A and B is destroyed because I was overzealous and took the time, sweat and tears to do C.

    It happened at work last week. I never realized this behavior because my government job doesn’t fire employees. But a coworker who is close to retirement and wanted to save HIS face told me of my action and possible consequences fir us both.

    Sure no one will say anything, but they will think of you as less intelligent, and think you are a silly lady.

    Wouldn’t you think the same thing?

    And now I did something similar at home that got my family upset. They said, “Tgis is the start of a Hapoy New Year”.

    Mind you, I am not talking about useless relatives who are happy to see my downfall.

    I am wondering how my life is gonna turn out.

    And what if a guy who I meet who seems interested in me is actually a fraud. I thought maybe being busy, productive and respected at work will lead me to the right person, but I screw up at work.

    I’m sorry I cannot think if good qualities of mine.

    I like to do arts and crafts for myself only (no need to show other people whose intentions may not be good, yet artwork reveals ones soul)
     
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  2. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Is there not one person who can give advice?

    Did I say something to turn you off or offend?

    Ok, forget about the rant of finding a good husband - maybe that left a bad taste in your mouth considering that many women on IL are trapped in nightmare marriages.

    Please tell me how to be a better employee who can follow directions and give the end user what they are looking for.

    In a way, this comes under good public relations, good customer service.

    After all it is better for a lady to be good at her job, be financially independent rather than defend in another human being (even if he is a Saint)
     
  3. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    My battery is literally going to die and I don’t want to read and not reply.

    from your posts you seem like a brave good person. Don’t let other people’s opinions affect you whether they be at home or at work. Why let an ignorant person hurt your feelings when they don’t have the knowledge you have. The person at work seems like they were trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad. You’re an intelligent person build back your confidence.
     
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  4. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    Can you explain a bit more about what happened at work? Like you said he was trying to cover his own back well maybe that’s why he made you feel bad.
     
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  5. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    You’re overthinking things with the a,b and c. Who is telling you do so and so? You’re an adult do what suits you. There is no good in someone telling us to do this that the other. They’re not in our shoes.
     
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  6. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Not everyone you find in life is too good and an innocent soul like you. When someone tells you to do A, abandon B, and you end up doing A,B, C which is of no use for A,B, C. You need to understand why you are doing a particular thing be it A, B or C. If something is of priority, understand it from the person asking you to do. Priority, importance, urgency everything need to be considered and understood by yourself before doing something. Today everyone is competitive. So think think and think before you do something.
     
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  7. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I appreciate your kind words.

    It is possible this person is manipulating me. He is retiring in 4 years and always had hard time with Management. This person was part of Management but had some fights (20+ years ago) and ended up being demoted.

    This person, A, gives lot of good advise that I have used in my own personal life, ie use Alexa, how Google sheets is helpful, eat Kosher snd Halal when going outside the USA.

    He is tasked to assist me and two other people. These two people are retiring in 2 year and 5 years respectively.

    The person who is retiring in 2 years said similar thing for different incident, basically saying person A wants to do less share of work.

    I struggle to understand who is manipulative in this world, I suppose I am learning.

    Ineven gifted him with Indian sweets (and few other coworkers) with their own box of Indian sweets during Diwali.
     
  8. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    At work we have program that detects if Employee is leaking sensitive client Is or SSN.

    There was an issue of whether test data was uploaded to Test system. This was show stopper for project. Person A needed a piece of information to upload test data fir client UD but another coworker, let’s call him Q is not a team player.

    Q knows
    1. How to upload test data
    2. Source of pre-existing test data.

    No one can see test data because it is hashed. It is possible that the contractors we work with can upload the data (for free, instead of our organization paying for it)


    My job was to create and test rule that will detect client aid and SSN and blocked file with this sensitive data from being shared.


    Long story short I went ahead snd created test data for
    1. Client ID (no one asked me)
    2. SSN (software doesn’t use test SSN, instead it analyzes patterns in the document)

    I uploaded both copies of these test files to the entire email distribution that included
    1. My supervisor
    2. Our project manager
    3. Contractors
    4. Other team members who work on other parts of software

    Person A said that our management was trying to talk nice and make deal for contractors to upload test data for free.

    Instead I may have shoved it down the contractors thoat. Me, just an employee, not a Supervisor or Manager.

    And because I put everyone in an awkward position, person A may Also be looked upon weird due to guilt by association. Even though he already has bad rep in organization and is retiring in 4 years.

    I have govt job with union, so no one will say anything. But don’t you think this was silly move in my part?

    This mindset shows a crook that I am not bright and can be easily manipulated.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2022
  9. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh ok I just explained the work situation.

    If a supervisor, or family or acquaintances is asking me to do something they cannot do, I would like to be able to follow proper directions.

    if wife ask husband to buy apples and he buys oranges and apple tarts instead, isn’t he silly!
     
  10. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Yeah now when I send email I think and read it 10 times.

    I still have trouble prioritizing things, I’m learning very slow though.
     

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