how did your in laws react when u had your second baby also as a girl?

Its not just in-laws/parents who make a big deal about 2 girls.... i absolutely adore my 2 girlies, but was put off recently when a friend asked me when am i preparing for my third pregnancy... i initially though she was joking, but then she was serious and said i should have a son to COMPLETE my family! (she btw had 2 sons)... i laughed at her and told her that she is either disconnected from reality or being totally stupid in even suggesting that... my 2 girls are more than enough for me and hubby...
I posted the same question to her - if she is planning for a third to be a girl to COMPLETE her family, and she kept quite... somehow, people just do not understand the concept of family & kids... but if they would have, we wouldn't have had so many posts on IL !! LoL

 

We are two daugters to our parents and I am the elder one. Even my paternal grandparents were upset when I was born a girl it seems. Particularly my grandfather was really upset when the 2nd baby was also a girl. The best part is, even though they were longing for a boy to carry the family name, they did not reject us. But they told my parents that the horoscope tells my dad will surely have a boy and so to try for the 3rd child.

But my dad rejected the suggestion outright because, in case 3rd baby is a girl, they will again get upset. In case it is a boy then they will start showing their attention to that boy and these 2 lovely daughters will get rejected of their grandparents love.

And my dad and mom raised us like their princess and even our grandparents later started to realise that in today's world boy or girl really doesnt matter. Its the way we raise our child. So they also stopped their longing for boy and showered their love on us. Actually i became their pet grandchild even though my aunt (dad's sister) has a boy.

Even now when some new person enquires about our family and I say two daugters, some of them immediately ask, "only daughters huh?? no son??". Yes the older generationwas brought up like that. But atleast our generation has to change and seal the gap between boy and girl like giving better education, giving them confidence, avoiding dowry, sharing marriage expenses etc.

 

Hi friend,

Am really sorry for this. But don worry or feel for all these sort of comments as it happens everywhere.
They want keep cribbing of something.
Scientifically speaking you are not responsibile for it is a girl. so no worries.
You know i just love girl babies.. its sooo gud to grow them up than boys

 

Thoughtful reaction

 

You know I read all the posts here about Inlaws and parents and Grand parents being disappointed if the 2nd baby is also a girl.

My question is - Can you blame them?

They have lived all of their life in India. They have lived their life when there was no Internet, Indus Ladies, Facebook, Orkut, no electricity, no machines or home made appliances doing cooking easier, No proper mode of transportation from home to work and vice versa and so many other things....

Lets put ourselves in their place and think about it. What will be your thoughts? Imagine you being born in 1920s and 1930s or even 1940s and 1950s in India. Most of the members here who have replied are either in USA or other western countries. So these members views are different.

Most of the Parents/Inlaws and grandparents are still old fashioned. They still live in a world where a female does all the housework and have to suffer lot of hardships. So its logical for them to be sad and disappointed. They don't want one of their family member(a girl child) to suffer when she is married . But we as sons and daughters needs to educate them that we live in 21st century and things have changed.

Rather than venting here, we should educate them. I am sure many of them will understand.

 

A lot of times (which is majority of the times), it not the sadness or disappointment about the hardships that a girl child will face in future... but about the fact that many consider a son to be an investment, that can be en-cashed in later life. Daughters for people with that kind of mindset it like a dead investment, where parents spend on everything for the girl child, and benefits to be reaped by her future family.

And it's not just the previous generation, but current and future generations that should understand how deep rooted the mindset is against girls - in all aspects. Parents of girls are still penalized for producing girls, with Dowry and all expenditure that parents of girls are required or forced to do in name of culture. It is still happening, and will continue to happen till our present generation decides to be the change.
Why don't we hear cases of girls being frowned upon in some Indian cultures such as matrilineal system in Kerala? I am not suggesting we all follow the system, but there is a lot to learn how such societies can exist without demeaning a girl child.

Nothing wrong in venting, we are all here to get support, suggestions and idea.

 

hi....

when i was admitted in the hospital for my 1st delivery...another woman was admitted there for her second delivery...she had a lot of stress even before she came to know the baby's gender...she told me that she had a c-section for 1st one and even the second baby will be delivered by c-section...i thought that she is frightened by the cut which will be made for the 2nd time...but that wasn't her issue...she told that since this will be her 2nd c-section and if this baby is also a girl..then she had been told by her inlaws and husband then they will try 3rd to be a baby boy.....this thought was really disturbing and depressing her...she was literally crying even before her c-section...
And luck did not favor her...and she delivered a beautiful girl baby and she was crying the whole day ...no one to console her...everybody looking her like worm...hasty words...her husband just left the hospital after hearing its a girl baby and never came to see her then... (donno what happened after that...he did not turn up for 3 days...until i came back home...since she had c-section she was staying there for long...and i was discharged in 2 days...)ppl like him still exist...wat to do?it was really really irritating to see such ppl...no moral support...i hate this thought...

Note: I am pregnant with my 2nd...1st was a baby girl...2nd either girl or boy...i need a healthy baby...thats it...(my mil was unhappy when they told that i delivered a girl baby...as soon i came to the room from the labour room she expressed her disappointment to me...i was least bothered...its my baby...i told i am very happy...if u feel unhappy ...go sleep...do not disturb me...even if i have my 2nd one to be girl...i am very excited...becoz me and my dh (in spl.) love girl babies....so never bothered about anyone....)

 

My parents had their children after long struggle. Boy or girl is same for them. Not for other persons in my family and in laws family. There are some relatives who went for third child because they had two girls had third one also a girl. Actually my MIL was very happy when I had a girl in a different way. Her daughter had a son and since I had only a girl she thought SIL is always superior to me and gifted more than me. That was how I was treated.

 

One of my relative had twin girls. After a long gap (Like 8 years) she got pregnant again ( Just to have a boy)!
Yes you are right - it turned out be a girl too

I am the first of we two sisters... My mom has never felt the need of a son!

Trust me, you daughters will not just bring you glory, they'll make you really proud n happy!

TO HELL with people who consider girls are inferior :rant