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how DH loves wife

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by swa9, Mar 24, 2010.

  1. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    OK.. Ask your heart if you LOVE your husband. Forget about the little misunderstandings you have with him. According to me, they are ofcourse small adjustments - that are yet to be done. Just as a person, do you like him, feel attracted towards him, love him? If yes,

    Brush off the differences of opinion, compartmentalise them and deal with them at a different time. Do not mix that and intimacy.. Intimacy is not a commodity. When one bargains that 'if you fulfill my other requests, I will fulfill your 'this' request, intimacy becomes a commodity.

    In my opinion, neither man/woman should use that as a trump card to get what they want..
    By making the other to 'starve', it becomes a cheap weapon there..

    It is a beautiful state of mind.
     
  2. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    wow msTrue ...you said it so well.I could not have said it better.I wanted to say something but was not sure how to put it forth.

    To OP I can only say you need to slowly build your marriage.Intimacy is a big part of it.

    You need to forget all negativity and turn a new leaf.You need to start coming closer to your DH and maybe intimacy will help bridge that gap.

    Take Care.
    FL
     
  3. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Thanks, FoundLove! That's interesting becoz, many a times I have felt that way seeing your posts and few ILites responses on various issues. :)

    Swa, As FL said, intimacy will bridge the gap and promote bonding between your DH and you. So try to open up your mind.. also revisit my previous posts.. if you agree, put those suggestions into practice..
     
  4. swa9

    swa9 New IL'ite

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    why no one is understanding me,i am not money minded women.just small,small need only na i am asking.i did all the things that getting up in the early morng and perparing breakfast and keeping in box lunch ,i do every thing every day but frm when i came her only sometime i don't feel well he don't understand me.And in the eveng i also did snack but he did not like anything he don't express and if i ask also don't say exact thing .If i will ask what do u like also he don't say and says u only find it he will say sometimes and somtime he will be clam.he don't even taet to my cusisn house also.what should i do place say.sometimes he will take with his parents secretly how should i feel plz say suggest me in regular english plz don't mind i don't understand.thank u in advance.
     
  5. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Swa dear..
    We understand your feelings, ma. Also no one here thinks you are a money minded person. We are here to help you see your problems in a different light. That's all..

    Sure. No problem. I shall use plain words. Pls feel free to let me know if you do not understand any of it. Happy to explain again.

    Ok.. write down those small things that you are wanting.. That will help you to see what is missing in your life.

    To make it easy on you, Swa, will you be able to list what you expect from a loving husband? Write in points one by one.

    Imagine you get up in the morning. From that point till you go to bed, what do you think a 'Happy Day' in your mind will look like?

    Good job, Swa! :thumbsup
    It is ok if you don't do it sometimes. Everyone gets sick or simply not in the mood to do once in a while.. He will get adjusted slowly. Do your best though.

    Sometimes repeatedly asking 'How is it? Do you like it?' etc will throw them off..
    They may also get defensive.. say if he says snack is not good, will you take it easily?!

    Do this for the time being, Now this may be little hard to practice at first..
    Make snacks. Give him with a smile. But do not expect feedback - positive or negative.
    Why repeatedly ask for 'progress reports' ? :)

    I see this complaint twice as such in your posts.. but did not understand it fully. Fellow friends may pitch in with their valuable thoughts.. Hope you get nice tips to cheer you up.

    As such, I do not see big issues cropping up with your marital life.. These are common problems (as FL mentioned) in almost every girl's initial years of marriage. To make it worse or better is in our hands. Also do not forget that your husband is also newly married.. he is also in the process of learning about you.. So go easy on him.

    Do you think you feel depressed? You mentioned some health problems.. is that what brings your mood down? We all want to help you. So feel free to post. Good luck, dear.
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2010
  6. swa9

    swa9 New IL'ite

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    hi mstrue
    thank you for ur advices i feel some suppose.i tried to not expect anything but not possibled but now to i don't expect anything i will go on doing my work ok na.
    But sometimes i will be hurt when he will take with his mother secertly like when he wants to take he will on the hearter and when i will sleep he will call and sometimes he will keep big tvsound and he will go to another room and he will talk.DH is forcing me to do job i asked hime y r u forcing me to do which i don't like you can ask me which i like he will say they r all unnecessary thing u do job.sometimes i too like to do job but not this much forcly.what should i do.
     
  7. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Swa,
    Did our past posts help you at all? How are things in terms of
    • understanding between you and DH
    • Going out socially
    • intimacy
    • day to day life.
    Focus on these things.Once DH feels that you are his best friend...he does not need mom for support.

    You can always ask him what he talked with her...won't he ask you if you did the same.

    About job tell him that once you get used to this country ,customs,etc you will think about job but please don't force me.

    I hope this helps.

    FL
     

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