How Can I Open Myself Up to a Good Man if I cannot even confide in my own Father?

flowerlady · Mar 21, 2012

Helen ??????????
I like the choco -cupcake better !

maya69 · Mar 23, 2012

zipzipzoomzoom said: ↑

It's just that, everytime I do stupid in front of my dad, I feel that he thinks I am damaged for marriage because he always resented my mom because she was uneducated and uncultured (only got married for GC, but she was no saint either). My dad would say, "because you did x-y-z, your husband will hate you and your in-laws will throw you out." This bothered throughout my 20s and for a while I hated all married men thinking they were all devils. This is the best I can explain, and it's something I need to work on.
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 Here is my understanding of the situation…

You are saying that your Dad did not appreciate your mom just for the way she was. So it looks like you have internalized this and are subconsciously feeling that you in turn is never good enough, at least in front of him. You know you are good and capable but in front of him, you forget all this and am constantly trying to hide and not show things so that he does not find fault. Its not just about FB but how you think your dad is judging you. He might be thinking of you positively only but you think he is thinking negatively only. I am assuming you only have this issue with your dad.

Radhai · Mar 23, 2012

Z,
Ever thought you could be suffering from severe self esteem issues?
If you think that is a possibility, then I would say that that is the root cause for all the problems, like
not able to carry on a date etc etc..
Addressing that may be beneficial. Consider professional help too.

mansimahi · Mar 23, 2012

I agree with radhai here...this post and some of your earlier posts indicate that you are unsure of yourself and lack confidence especially around men ...if they interest you, you worry how to react to them if they show interest in you...you wonder at their motives.... address this self-esteem issue and rest will fall into place. Stop worrying about people judging you....go with the flow...ease up a bit....dont assume that ppl will think the worst about you.

AS for opening up to a good man or confiding to your dad - it will come naturally once you stop trying hard to please them or stop worrying abt what they would think abt you. When you are natural and confident with your own identity..you will start opening up.

zipzipzoomzoom · Mar 23, 2012

flowerlady said: ↑

Helen ??????????
I like the choco -cupcake better !
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I think Helen is awesome. But I still have the choco-cupcake as a signature ;-)

maya69 said: ↑

So it looks like you have internalized this and are subconsciously feeling that you in turn is never good enough, at least in front of him. You know you are good and capable but in front of him, you forget all this and am constantly trying to hide and not show things so that he does not find fault. Its not just about FB but how you think your dad is judging you. He might be thinking of you positively only but you think he is thinking negatively only.
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Bingo!

maya69 said: ↑

I am assuming you only have this issue with your dad.
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Pretty much with my dad, although now that I look back at my past, I've been this way around guys who (a) I have liked and (b) who I think are quite intelligent. I am consciously working to change that behaviour by being myself, smiling more, being friendly.

Radhai said: ↑

Addressing that may be beneficial. Consider professional help too.
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A family friend who is a therapist suggested I keep myself occupied with activities other than work. So now, I've joined an informal research group that meet few times a week after work. And believe it or not, I blush when I am around the guy who leads the research team (no, I'm not going to pounce on him like I did the last guy ), and have noticed that I try to hide the fact that I use Facebook when he's around, even though we are Friends on Facebook! Can you imagine? Now, I just let loose, and make jokes with him. Still a work in progress.

mansimahi said: ↑

Stop worrying about people judging you....go with the flow...ease up a bit....dont assume that ppl will think the worst about you.

AS for opening up to a good man or confiding to your dad - it will come naturally once you stop trying hard to please them or stop worrying abt what they would think abt you. When you are natural and confident with your own identity..you will start opening up.
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It's much easier to open up to other people, my dad is the challenge, the Mount Everest.

Radhai · Mar 23, 2012

zipzipzoomzoom said: ↑

And believe it or not, I blush when I am around the guy who leads the research team (no, I'm not going to pounce on him like I did the last guy )
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Z,
Why do you blush so often? Explain blushing in your terms if you don't mind.

zipzipzoomzoom · Mar 23, 2012

Radhai said: ↑

Z,
Why do you blush so often? Explain blushing in your terms if you don't mind.
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OK, I have a crush on him, and am shy around him. In appearance, he is quite ordinary (think Bill Gates), but he is so smart, and overcame so many challenges to be where he is. I guess I admire that in a person .....

I do my best to act normally around him, and try not be be scared to ask any questions...

flowerlady · Mar 23, 2012

ZZZ,
Please stop seeing all single men as marriage material and you will become confidant of yourself. Now you are blushing and getting tongue- tied again this time. See him as a human being not as an eligible candidate!!!!
Probably you are behaving like this as you are unsure of yourself and feel insecure.
It appears that you are seeking approval all the time .
PS -Few women can actually blush , most use blush-on to achieve the same effect!

Radhai · Mar 23, 2012

I guess you misunderstood my Question. I did not mean to ask "why do you blush so often at this man?".
My question is "Why do you blush often at single men?"

Z,
Blushing so often.. how do I put it.. for lack of better word,
blushing often may give out wrong signals. It can be a turn off too to some men.

Pls take care of your self esteem first and then you will spot that man who is tongue tied
when you are near.

Crush..Infatuations.. I do not know your age..

Anikha · Mar 23, 2012

ivlakshmi said: ↑

Hi,
Some time back I have added my dad, aunties and relatives.. couple of them advised me to delete photos ..Later I deleted that facebook account and created new account with out dad and relatives ..only friends.locked everything.. I dont put any photos which effect my decency but still i need some space. u can lock everything and do the same. I clearly told my dad that I am not going to add him for some time and he is OK with it.
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Dear IVL,
I too have teenage kids, I agree , that teenagers need space , but , you don't have to delete your dad or any relative from your FB page, instead you could restrict who can see your wall postings ......or any posting....

click on Home tab , on right top side , choose Privacy settings , you could literally restrict every one except yourself........ from seeing what you post.....

Even , when you make photo albums , you can restrict who can see them....

I have more family members on my FB page than friends, none of the teenagers in our family deletes elders
from their page , rather they restrict us from seeing certain posts ( pictures , comments , links etc) which is Ok with us , we understand them.........