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How Can I Feel Genuinely Happy For Others' Happy News?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Needtobestrong, Jan 25, 2021.

  1. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah Finest Post Winner

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    Hmmm ... maybe you just need to be strong - just kidding!:wink1:
    The feeling is not unique to you. Entire books have been written about it. For a start, you might ponder the Buddhist tradition of Metta, a meditation practice that addresses exactly this. I am not suggesting that you rush off to a cave in the Himalayas for tapas, just know that you are not alone. If and when you feel inclined, look further into it.
    Metta : How You Can Help

  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    The question "am I a bad people?" can be answered by "why am I not a bad people?".

    Most people have gruesome or morbid fantasies of how they would want things to happen to the whomever, but they keep it to themselves. Or try to beat the bad thoughts out of their minds by forcing themselves to say some other mind-numbing chant a hundred times: "Birdie num num....birdie num num...birdie num num...birdie num num...birdie num num...birdie num num..." sort of thing.

    But one may also ask: What if all those bad thoughts are unloaded (that is, written down) somewhere, for self therapy sessions when needed. That somewhere cannot be a moderated internet forum where they would lose control of contents. These thoughts can go in some wordpress site, or even the saved draft folder of an email account.
    Don't feel so. Let your imagination soar....but write your thoughts elsewhere. If you have the time to create such kind of threads here, you have the time to write your thoughts in some private space, that would include sweet-revenge strategies/fantasies on the people who had been tormenting you.

    Re-reading those, while in a funk about having to make yet another batch of some fried snacks for the family in Covid lockdown, would offer you much better solace. If things in life resolved to a tolerable ending, those diaries could be fun reading too.

    Anonymously confiding your troubles in an internet forum is better than confiding in a real person. This latter scheme has the inherent problem of having to vet a confidante. Many building society people know that there are gossips in the building, who want to receive information, polish it up as needed, and then pass it on. In some societies, each receiver has to pass it on to 8 others within a fortnight or else some bad thing will happen in their own household. In general, real-confidante bad, virtual confidante better, no-confidante the best. Here is a further twist: Your children are witnesses to the goings on within the house, and they may tell their playmates in the neighbourhood, or tell other parents who are good at getting kids to talk. This could be a whole another thread on the forum.

    Everybody is a bad people. A good number of us are never poked, teased, bugged or bothered enough in life, to bring out the bad in us. Those who are on the borderline, at the edge, ready to reveal the true selves, fight back with chants, workout, yoga, mind-isometrics, stories of others who have it much worse, & vagaira.
    Metamorphic and Needtobestrong like this.
  3. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Adding to what is said here, I want to add this -

    I recently did just one ten to twelve minute session of "Loving kindness meditation". It was quite an interesting experience. What I did was a guided meditation. I was doing a 21 day challenge using the app 10percent happier. If you want to explore, some of the sessions were quite interesting though personally I prefer deeper and longer meditation.

    You are already self aware and all you need to do is work your way out, knowing well it may not happen overnight. And like @Mistt said, as soon as you feel better about yourself, you will feel better about the world around you :) Stay strong!
    Needtobestrong and Mistt like this.
  4. IniyaaSri

    IniyaaSri IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry. This is going to be a lengthy response.

    I dont want to advice or brag in case if I sound so. But genuinely(and sincerely) want to help someone to come out of the negativity. So just sharing what worked for me.

    I had been there. So can very well relate to what you are going through.
    It seems like you were all good and happy couple of years back.
    I had been there for more than 5 or 6 years....! Yes. It will be terrible and lonely. And we will be feeling like no advice or suggestion will help. And yes its completely normal that you are not so happy for others! I feel its impossible to be happy for others when you are not happy with yourself. And dont ever consider this as depression and all! Because today the word 'depression' would be in depression I think. That much it has been overused unwantedly.

    First of all, there is no need to think of others now. Just focus on your life and try as much as possible to fix it by all means. Because when your life is smooth, automatically you will be happy for others. And again I want to tell this. What you are going through is completely normal. And honestly millions of people are going through this. So you need not feel very bad about your current state. ITS NORMAL.

    Things that helped me miraculously!

    *Physical activity

    Early morning brisk walks, sometimes running. Doing such cardio activities early in the morning right after brushing your teeth! You will feel the magic. Come on! Wear those running shoes and start! I said this to myself.


    Not sure about your belief in the source energy. I always did from childhood but when my problems were at peak, I found a different way to communicate with the higher energy. Of course I used to cry and all in front of God's photo frames. But started surrendering completely. And lots of prayers, affirmations, positivity, being grateful along with that. And Often I use to think about million different ways that am far better than millions of people.

    *Take Diversion

    The one thing that I did was landing up here in Indusladies and started writing something in the name of story. And it was surprising for me to see the private messages appreciating on what I scribbled.....! And lots of people here to hug me and make me smile everyday.

    *Blessing in disguise

    This might sound funny! But its very much true and I realized that every problem is a blessing in disguise if you sincerely work on it, Life will be changed miraculously. Trust me. Because I had been there for a longer time than you. Things will always get better no matter how you are today.

    The energy that you put in sorting your life will definitely pay you back! no doubts! So just work on sorting things in your life. There are millions of ways to divert your mind in positive ways.

    And to conclude with a very important thing, Don't worry much about going far away from people as you are not able to be happy. True friends/relationships will be there for you always no matter how far you go. And incase of weak relationships, you can bounce back and apologize once you are all good and full of smiles. And it will be sorted at once. So no worries on that. So you can be alone, introspect, and create a miraculous life.

    You are completely fine! And take this negative situation as a mode to find something amazing about you or in you! It works that way! So dont worry! When you think you are buried, actually you are planted. This might sound dramatic, but its true and I assure you. Sending you hugs and lots of positive vibes! Just work on it. You are going to be all happy forever.

    If you find this as preachy or something similar to that, my apologies, since I dont know to convey better than this right now! :)
    hridhaya and Needtobestrong like this.
  5. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks friends, for the replies..
    And thank you for being so kind and considerate and not judging me!
    Hopikrishnan and Metamorphic like this.
  6. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Gold IL'ite

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    Absolutely true .. needs a next level courage for a person to accept this.
    Hopikrishnan and Needtobestrong like this.
  7. Flyhigher

    Flyhigher Silver IL'ite

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    First of all, you are not a bad person. It's OK to feel that way. We all are humans.
    I understand how you feel and what you are going through. One of my close friend had gone through a similar kind of situation by going through a divorce from an abusive marriage, job interview rejections due to her career break. With a lot of friends emotional supports and love, she is back on her feet again. Don't fear people judging you, there is nothing wrong with feeling down some times. But don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it.

    You need to understand and acknowledge that this life is successful only when a person becomes truly happy. Know that it’s okay to feel bad sometimes. But it’s a choice to stay where you are or move from there. So you can always change your focus. Try to practice healthy living and healthy thinking. Practice meditation and get into physical exercise. Read books( these books helped me - The monk who sold his Ferrari, who will cry when you die, Ghost Rider travels on the healing road). Plan your goals and figure out how you can pursue them. Talk to someone often even if you don't feel to share anything sometimes just talking to someone might lift your mood. Don't overwork yourself. Just relax and love yourself.

    Remember one thing your life is different from others. Everyone's life and problems are different, we never know what others facing problems and challenges in their life. The grass is always greener on the other side. Nobody is perfect. Situations, problems are not permanent. Hang in there.
    It's your life. You should make it different. How? You decide.
    Needtobestrong and Metamorphic like this.

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