There are many situations in past 1 or 2 years when I was just emotionally numb and felt disconnected from reality... One of my close friends updated about a new job in her dream company earlier this year.. one more friend was all excited during routine phone call about her good news, I.e she is second time pregnant...one more friend's wedding anniversary, she has travelled with her hubby and her kid to a resort in city outskirts to celebrate ... One more friend got married recently, she was in love with a guy from different state, finally parents approved I guess...one more classmate got admission to PhD course in a foreign university.. A couple of years back, I was a different person, really... I would have been all excited, and congratulated every one of them...would have been super excited for friend for getting her dream job, would have kept in constant touch with the pregnant friend enquiring about her health n all, ...would have excitedly made arrangements to attend the friends intercultural wedding and planned for gift purchase...would have been so happy for my friend with keen interest in subject of her choice in doing doctorate.. But , I dont know, somehow every single job interview I attended only gave me disappointment and rejection which I attended prior to Covid...i cleared an interview of a very good company and last minute it got cancelled due to unavoidable reason ,not related to me in anyway..it was one of my dream companies... Once upon a time I was excited to open my wedding album and see the pics...now I dont recognize the bride in those pics, just cant believe that happy, blushing smiling girl is me... The reality of today's world and married life just has sapped me out of all positivity... Many people did advice me to do further studies abroad after graduation or atleast take up some onsite job offer abroad but I didn't have confidence in myself to achieve it...now classmates who got lesser percentage are doing outstandingly well in studies and job...personal life not smooth either... These days I dont feel excited by anything, neither do I have any self confidence, even if I talk or keep in touch with friends I don't feel much happiness... Just feel better keeping to myself... Am I a bad person...am I a bitter and sad person...i dont know...but how do you make yourself genuinely happy for anyone? Do I need some kind of change in my attitude or it is normal what I'm going through. It's NOT jealousy...definitely not...I would feel jealous of those whom I dislike only...all those were friends or acquaintances whom I really liked and who were always nice to me... .I want to be a nice person who can be happy from within with life and be happy for others too... Or is it that everyone is miserable due to Covid? How can I do this.. I feel stupid sometimes, creating such kind of threads...but what to do..