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How Can I Feel Genuinely Happy For Others' Happy News?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Needtobestrong, Jan 25, 2021.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    There are many situations in past 1 or 2 years when I was just emotionally numb and felt disconnected from reality...
    One of my close friends updated about a new job in her dream company earlier this year.. one more friend was all excited during routine phone call about her good news, I.e she is second time pregnant...one more friend's wedding anniversary, she has travelled with her hubby and her kid to a resort in city outskirts to celebrate ...
    One more friend got married recently, she was in love with a guy from different state, finally parents approved I guess...one more classmate got admission to PhD course in a foreign university..
    A couple of years back, I was a different person, really...
    I would have been all excited, and congratulated every one of them...would have been super excited for friend for getting her dream job, would have kept in constant touch with the pregnant friend enquiring about her health n all, ...would have excitedly made arrangements to attend the friends intercultural wedding and planned for gift purchase...would have been so happy for my friend with keen interest in subject of her choice in doing doctorate..
    But , I dont know, somehow every single job interview I attended only gave me disappointment and rejection which I attended prior to Covid...i cleared an interview of a very good company and last minute it got cancelled due to unavoidable reason ,not related to me in anyway..it was one of my dream companies...
    Once upon a time I was excited to open my wedding album and see the pics...now I dont recognize the bride in those pics, just cant believe that happy, blushing smiling girl is me...
    The reality of today's world and married life just has sapped me out of all positivity...
    Many people did advice me to do further studies abroad after graduation or atleast take up some onsite job offer abroad but I didn't have confidence in myself to achieve it...now classmates who got lesser percentage are doing outstandingly well in studies and job...personal life not smooth either...
    These days I dont feel excited by anything, neither do I have any self confidence, even if I talk or keep in touch with friends I don't feel much happiness...
    Just feel better keeping to myself...
    Am I a bad person...am I a bitter and sad person...i dont know...but how do you make yourself genuinely happy for anyone? Do I need some kind of change in my attitude or it is normal what I'm going through.
    It's NOT jealousy...definitely not...I would feel jealous of those whom I dislike only...all those were friends or acquaintances whom I really liked and who were always nice to me...
    .I want to be a nice person who can be happy from within with life and be happy for others too...
    Or is it that everyone is miserable due to Covid?
    How can I do this..
    I feel stupid sometimes, creating such kind of threads...but what to do..
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2021
    Hopikrishnan and Asw like this.
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  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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  3. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    First of all, make yourself happy then only you feel happy for others. Happiness has to come within you and you are the creator. Remember our sorrows don't stay forever and everything will be fine. Ignore who make you unhappy and spend your time with people who make you happy. Smile for small things and start any exercise or At least start walk. Evoke your hobbies, interests which had hidden all these years. Do any course to improve your qualifications to apply for job and build up ever self esteem.
    I really fell in love with this quote

    IMG_2308.JPG
     
  4. boby

    boby Silver IL'ite

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    Tell yourself, " I am feeling what you are feeling " when others give happy news to you. Also how can you assume only you are suffering, do you know how much hardships and suffering your friend doing love marriage in other culture has to undergo? Do you know how much sacrifices you friend doing phd has to do! Nothing comes easy. Everybody has problems and difficulties how you face them and handle them makes you happy or a sad person!
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2021
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  5. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Gold IL'ite

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    No, you are not! It could probably be that, you are mentally exhausted as a result of your failed job searches and emotionally drained because of the unmet expectations in your marriage. Maybe, you got weary due to the long term stress you have been carrying.

    Now, spare yourself from this hard self-analysing session. It will only bring you down more.

    Give yourself the time and attention needed to recover. Focus on yourself and what you really enjoy doing ... restore yourself. Job, marriage, friends ... everything else can wait.
     
  6. winterhue

    winterhue Silver IL'ite

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    I think I understand what you go through OP.

    I have a friend who is going through pretty much the same. She told me she doesn't feel like keeping in touch with people and genuinely feels like life has not given her any direction. Wherever she sees, she sees friends and peers zooming past and she seems to be stuck in a rut. Like you, she is struggling with finding a job, trying for a second baby and grappling with health issues .
    A month back, When I told her that I was switching jobs for a better offer, she broke down in tears. I had to talk to her gently and calmly and she apologized to me profusely and told me that it was not jealousy , but it felt like she was the only inefficient one among her family and friends.
    I know its easy for us to tell you "Try to be happy, do yoga, find a hobby, everyone you see is not happy -they may have problems too", but you've tried all that and it simply is not that easy.

    So honestly, in my opinion, there is no "solution" to this. You are going through a phase of depression. You are mentally struggling with in-laws being around, the mental turmoil associated with it and overwork. You need to take a break. In Covid times, it is difficult to do this too. So you seem to be stuck again.

    I cant offer a solution, but I can tell you what I told my friend. That we are all here and holding your hands. You go ahead and create 100 threads for the same topic if that is what it takes. We will all rally behind you without judging you. You are definitely not a bad person and definitely not alone in feeling all that you are feeling. If you have any friends you can talk to openly, reach out to them. I also suggest get an online therapist. Sometimes they have tools that will help you get out of this rut. But most importantly ,stay strong and don't lose hope. Take one day at a time. The storm will weaken. Until then, we are all here for you.
    Huggs.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2021
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  7. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Winterhue wrote it all..+1.

    You arnt a bitter person, at all.
     
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  8. Asw

    Asw Silver IL'ite

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    Your words show how beautiful you are!
     
  9. Asw

    Asw Silver IL'ite

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    On reading your post, what I think is someone has written it on my behalf. I am exactly feeling the same.

    Planning for a second baby after my son is 10 years. I didnt plan for all these years because i thought I was doing good for my son and husband. Nothing is happening. And everyone around me is getting pregnant.

    I love my husband and I am true and honest to him. The day I heard him talking to his collegue in a different way, I was broken. Though later he said that everything is stopped, I am not able to forget it.

    I quit my job as I moved to another country. I was working in IT. Even before two years I took up a teacher job in a daycare and substitute teacher to make sure my family runs smooth. Now when I am trying for a job I am not getting any. I feel down about myself that I am not able to be committed to learn new concepts.

    I think why we are feeling depressed is we didnt do any mistake; we tried all the way to be good. And yet we are one who is suffering. Dont feel stupid. Hello from a fellow stupid who is feeling the same.:laughing:

    Me too feeling all the same like you. Actually its a nice thing to vent out. Atleast in this forum, which has beautiful non judging people. We feel this way today. Tomorrow we might a lot different person. We will build ourselves and come up. The inner spirit in us will guide us. This too will pass. Drain out all the sad feelings and lets plan again for a better future, a happy future. :banana:
     
  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    It’s hard to appreciate even the most beautiful scenery around you when your are yourself struggling to stay above water. It’s okay to step back for a while. Focus on healing yourself first.
     
    Needtobestrong and KashmirFlower like this.

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