1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

How a mother feels

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jayasala42, Jul 10, 2014.

  1. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,648
    Likes Received:
    9,353
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Satchitananda's snippet about her mother prompted me to write a few lines when the case is just the reverse.

    A daughter/son may be satisfied with whatever little improvement the mother gets and get contentment.
    Recently colleges have opened and there have been heavy rush for admissions into colleges/courses of the students' choice. There were archanas and prayers in almost all the temples either praying for fulfillment of desires or thanks giving for the success.

    Regardless of religion, ethnicity and caste, every parent has aspirations and dreams about children ever since conception.These dreams get translated into expectations as revealed in the beeline in college campuses.Shanthi, a postgraduate was not an exception.Her dreams came to an abrupt end when she came to know the disability of her son.She has been overpowered by shock, denial and guilt and rejection finally converging into desperate acceptance.”Why me?How can it be?”-such questions have no answers. There are thousands of Shanthis.Sometimes the child has to take various drugs for immunity disorders, compensating vitamin deficiencies,pills for acidity- a daily battle with the child.As the disbled child occupies the primary attention of the parents, there is jealousy and resentment among siblings making them short tempered and impatient.There is artificial sympathy and more of lip service from relatives and neighbours totally unacceptable to the depressed parent.Some children become too obese to walk. More often it becomes extremely difficult to lift the child from wheel chair to toilet seat and back.Not to talk of girls, who attain puberty, not even knowing what it is.
    .It is a tough task to dress them up during those’three’ days.The problem of insecurity adds to the grievance. In many houses men get separated , and even in case of really co operative husband, the mother of the child is primarily responsible for the total care.

    The anxiety about future is more agonizing.“ How long will the child survive? Will there be any improvement at all?Shall I be healthy enough to look after the child until his/ her end?This is just short of praying that the child should predecease the mother.What else can be more pathetic in the world other than praying for the death of one’s own child?

    All cannot be like Helen Killer who remarked”I thank God for any handicaps, for through them I have found myself, my work and God.”Partial disbility in limbs or impairment in certain other parts can be treated well these days and mother can boost the confidence of the child and make him/her self standing.

    But in case of mental retardation, cerebral palsy etc where chances of recovery are very remote,it is a life time commitment for mothers. How difficult it is to feed and diaper the child, even at the age of 15 or 20?There is a huge cloud always raining on her.

    It is quite natural for mothers to have uncontrollable incomprehensible rage when they see other boys and girls of her child’s age who have grown into matured individuals entering a high ranking educational institution.It is very difficult to get reconciled.

    ” Let any college start any course.Let any cut off be fixed.I am not bothered as to which study has more scope for employment. All parents dream, some realise and some don’t. But I am not eligible to dream even”,she laments with moist eyes and choked throat.
    “ I want a small space for my child, a small job suited to his ability; a meagre income to fulfill his basic needs;If I am not avaricious , a company, not necessarily a human being, to love him after I am gone.Am I not entitled for this prayer?” she asks.


    “The degrees, research work, high paid jobs, decent marital status for children which I was imagining soon after my marriage seem to mock at me.”says Shanthi.

    To give up is the easiest thing in the world;But to hold it together when everyone expects you to fall apart is a real strength. Such women reveal that what lies behind us and before us are trivial things compared to what lies within us.The mother has gained vast knowledge, with lot of patience and preseverance.

    Motherly love is the only degree that the child can attain, which no university on earth could award.

    Jayasala 42
     
    Loading...

  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    33,274
    Likes Received:
    26,314
    Trophy Points:
    640
    Gender:
    Female
    Jayakka dear your snippet isvery touching. When we see others difficulties especially to bring up a child like that then only we feel we are blessed. I have finished my nominations otherwise would have nominated your post. I agree with your last line
     
  3. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,648
    Likes Received:
    9,353
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Viji,
    As you said we should be thankful to God for the comfortable life, understanding husband, reasonably intelligent children.Namakku kraiye illai.
    Jayasala 42
     
    sindmani and iyerviji like this.
  4. rathiprasad

    rathiprasad Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    87
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Jaya
    A very touching well-written prose that brings to the fore the reality and courage of those taking care of disabled children. All mothers have high hopes and dreams for their children but the strength and perseverance of mothers with disabled children takes on a higher dimension. They ought to be greatly appreciated.

    The article provides an explicit illustration of the raw emotions of life.
     
  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    17,488
    Likes Received:
    25,324
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear JS Ma'am,

    I can well imagine the pain and desperation of parents faced with children with severe disabilities. There can be nothing one can say to them to comfort them except to be there for them whenever one can.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    5,632
    Likes Received:
    8,944
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Jaya Ma'am,
    I almost cried reading this. I do believe that God is somewhere around the corner and that he does take care of the parents of special babies.

    I know Men and Women react differently to such situations in life but from personal experience I can tell you that the fathers are equally devastated. My husband also cries sometimes, in all these years of marriage I've never seen him cry. The siblings old enough to understand are also grieving. My DD worries about her brother. Every time a special needs kid is teased in school she comes home with tears in her eyes because she worries about how much of a struggle her brother will have when he is her age.

    The three of us know that we are doing everything we can for him but all three of us have the looming cloud over our heads. I once told another special mom on here that I can't go to sleep at night without wondering about what is going to happen to my son after me. Will he be integrated into the society, will he have a job? She told me to leave it to God and she was absolutely right. My DH does the same sometimes, he tells me we need to plan for that eventuality for when we are not around for him. We need to find a place for him to stay and be taken care of if he can never be independent. My friends are talking about college funds and Ivy League schools and we are here today, planning for a future for our child that nobody wishes for a child. It's tough and sometimes I feel it's unfair. He feels the same. Both of us are equally hurt by it.

    I do believe in the higher power though. I'm looking at the positives. I have friends that care. I have parents and a sibling who hurts for me. I have faith that God wouldn't give us anything we cannot handle.

    I read a book for understanding autism once and the first page said find your faith. If you don't have a faith consider joining a church. I wondered why it was so important at the time but I now know that whatever is lost can be regained but we cannot lose hope. Because, when hope is lost, that's when everything is truly lost. So we are keeping faith and hoping to use that money for a college fund and hoping for some kind of future for our child.
     
  7. girvani

    girvani Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    975
    Likes Received:
    2,843
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Jeya aunty, this is an amazing snippet. I am in tears. I pray for all of them. LAKS09,i truly pray for your familly happines, togetherness and peace. I look up to you all. It is shocking how wevget disheartened by miner matters and how shallow we can be.
    Love
    vani
     
    2 people like this.
  8. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,649
    Likes Received:
    3,649
    Trophy Points:
    340
    Gender:
    Female
    When a normal child falls sick for a brief period parents get depressed. It is quite natural for parents who has disabled child to worry constantly thinking about their future. It needs courage, patience and will power to take care of the child.
    Hats off to those parents and siblings who support and shower affection to those children.
    A snippet that touches the heart,
    PS
     
    sindmani, jayasala42 and Laks09 like this.
  9. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,648
    Likes Received:
    9,353
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Laks09,
    I was full of tears on reading your mail.
    We had some experience in our family of near relatives and we had the experience of having the girl child in our house in Chennai.
    As you say, God will not give us problems that cannot be handled. He will be by our side in any form to be of support in our crisis.
    With such good parents and dear sister, your son would have a nice future.
    Thank you very much for your response.
    As mothers we can understand the love, affection, expectation and dreams of every mother.
    God gives problems only to those who can handle it is said,
    I pray that God would shower His grace on your son.

    Jayasala 42
     
    sindmani and Laks09 like this.
  10. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,648
    Likes Received:
    9,353
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Rathiprasad,
    Thank you for your response. At least a few words of kindness from us will be of some consolation to them.
    Jayasala 42
     

Share This Page