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Housewife Cook And Serve Food To Husband?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mohini16, May 22, 2020.

  1. mohini16

    mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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    One dear friend of mine and her husband getting divorced (initiated by husband)
    Wife is from rich family in India and on H4 and guy is from poor family but earning well in usa on H1B
    One of the reasons her husband had problem with she doesn't serve him food when he comes home from work after working long.
    She is housewife and does painting and write poems etc.
    So she asks him to take food, he said I used to take food on my own and wash my own dish.. That's why 'Ye Mere Nazron se Utar Gaye'
    She is not in favour of divorce and saying we can live together even as roommates (sex was active in their married life)
    And they had infant of 6 months old but even then this guy filed for divorce..

    I'm just wondering if you ladies (homemaker) serve food to your husband when he comes home?
     
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  2. winterhue

    winterhue Silver IL'ite

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    To borrow from an episode of a hit TV Series called "Everybody loves Raymond", he probably should have married his mother.
     
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  3. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    My husband does not expect and he will go to kitchen and get his food.

    However...most of the time,I like to serve coz I love cooking for him and doing things for him.

    He is like “I will take it no worries” and I am like “Let me serve you”

    I feel relationships should be more “giving” than “receiving”
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2020
  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    However...Is this a major reason for divorce or is there anything else coz you had specifically mentioned this reason.

    If this is the reason..I really do not know what to say.He is being ridiculous.

    Also,he is poor and she is rich and she is also okay being roommates coz maybe she loves him too much?

    Is there more to their story?Hope they sort things out.
     
  5. mohini16

    mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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    He says, she is basically not happy being in US, her family had good money in India and she does not like here anyway, but I guess she doesn't want to get divorce stigma so she is ready to adjust,

    I don't know exact story, it's between him and her, I was told this is one of the reason, and this reason was mentioned couple of times so I am assuming it was big deal for him.
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Well..unfortunately Even I know a couple of women who moved back to India coz they are too well off and could not adjust to life in USA coz here everyone has to do everything themselves.

    Both are not divorced though.One recently before Coronavirus has moved so she is still getting adjusted and is happy to be with her family.The husband is upset and does not want to move back to India coz his life is here.


    The other one...what happened was she moved back and was happy for a year or so.Her husband tried to convince her to come back but she refused.Now, it has been few years and she is dying to come back to USA but her husband is now living together with another woman.She is now regretting her decision big time and is into depression medication.Her family is also not in good terms with her..


    As you said..one does not know the full story but hope they sort it out coz when relationships break..it is like a broken mirror.Maybe we can attach it but can never be fixed well and look like before.
     
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  7. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    Most of the families in India are rich enough nowadays. In India they like to have maid(used culture). Here in usa we have to do our work without much help. Still I see few of my friends have maid coming once in a month for basic cleaning in USA.

    Myself I thought too why I am suffering here if I go back to India I can have more help. But the life is not same everywhere. In India we may face other issues.

    Just to take food from kitchen and washing dishes will lead to divorce?

    I feel something missing in your story.
     
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  8. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Finest Post Winner

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    Dear OP-
    The issue that you have mentioned might be the BREAKING POINT.
    There could be a core reason that is not revealed to you.

    One of my relatives had to endure this kind of male chauvinistic attitude.
    She is from a rich family. The groom's mother was looking for girls ONLY from a rich background.
    I know this as this proposal had come to me first, looking at the mother's attitude- my mother brushed it off.

    And I happened to know the groom as he was my friends cousin and the bride was my relative. I sort of know what happened from bride and groom's perspective.

    After marriage within a span of 1 and a half years they filed for divorce.
    When she came to the US, he expected her to be his maid/ mother.
    As if that's what girl in our gen were taught. We all went to schools just as the boys did. We didn't spend time cooking or serving to our father or brothers.
    So this couple had loads and loads of issues starting from as basic as who takes trash.
    Other relatives intervened to save their marriage.
    But the guy filed for divorce stating that she doesn't cook, clean. There was the shock of it that somebody will file for divorce for such a small reason when we heard it too.

    I will explain how frivolous this complaint was -as we all have help to cook, serve, clean. The focus in our family was about doing productive things not to worry about these things. As cooking/ cleaning is taken care of.

    However, this was the breaking point for the guy and the guy's family- as his core belief is that the girl doesn't respect him enough to do the cooking, cleaning.

    When there is no respect or the thought that their partner doesnt respect the relationship is doomed.


    After her divorce my relative is staying in the same city alone- pursuing her career... living in a much expensive place than they originally had.

    I applaud her and her parent's support to have taken a step to stand by herself and be alone.
    Marriage is not everything if it's not with the right person.


    On the other hand- the guy got married to someone from his social background- has a kid and is very happy with having a wife who cooks and cleans.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2020
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  9. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    Very true. I agree with blindpup10 . Jokes apart where we can say, he needs a mom . You do not know a lot that is happening inside their home.

    it is easy to criticize, but the upbringing of him might have been like that, where mom gave food. and food may not be the reason for divorce. it is very hard to tell on assumptions. this is very generic comment.

    also , please do be offended, the person going through the issue if shares the problems, lot more productive views can be given , it is just my opinion.



    my home, my H does not bother, if i serve. infact he will serve and then go with his eating, like service his friend. i have to be more proactive, i do not let him and trust me, it makes him so happy.
     

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