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Home Of Laughter 24×7

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Thyagarajan, Jun 15, 2020.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: HOME OF LAUGHTER 24×7 :hello:

    A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
    always with the same person.

    One shouldn’t marry the person he wants to live with, should marry the one
    He cannot live without, but whatever he does he would regret it later.

    Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her
    or she'll take it anyway.

    My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and
    she agrees with me.

    It doesn't matter how often a married man
    changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

    Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right
    and the other is the husband!

    You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

    Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
    It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before
    the fight begins!

    Having one child makes you a parent;
    having two you are a referee.

    A child's greatest period of growth is the month after
    you've purchased new school uniforms.

    Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

    I believe we should all pay our taxes with a smile.
    I tried - but .....

    Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
    Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

    Man: Is there any way for long life?
    Dr: Get married.
    Man: Will it help?
    Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come!

    Regular naps prevent old age,
    especially if one takes them while driving.

    Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
    before you get tired.

    Bad officials are elected by good citizens
    who do not vote.

    Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between
    address books.

    Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have
    done it for you.

    They call our language the mother tongue
    because the father seldom gets to speak!

    Wise men talk because they have something to say;
    fools talk because they have to say something.

    There is only one perfect child in the world
    and every mother has it:
    There is only one perfect wife in the world
    and every neighbor has it!

    It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
    It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

    Courtesy: my WHATSAPP Alumni group.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2020
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  2. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    This is by far the best joke I read in a while.
    Health secretary in a briefing to Trump: "Sir, in Chennai, India 26 Tamillians have lost their life due to Corona Virus"

    Trump is silent. His lips quiver. His hands shiver. His eyes wells up. He is unable to speak.

    Health secretary is stunned. He never imagined that this event could affect him so badly.

    After a few minutes, in a trembling voice, Trump asks "So, how many millions are there in *one tamillion?*"
     
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  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Who Says Retirees are not Naughty.

    One Whatsapp Retirees group decided to meet over lunch.

    All 15 of them met and had good food, drinks and dessert.
    Then the bill arrived.
    All 15 of them rushed to grab the bill for payment. There was a scene with everyone fighting to take the bill.

    The Hotel Manager saw this and appreciated the love and good intention of each to pay the bill.
    Finally one among the 15 said : "The bill has to be paid, but everyone wants to pay it. No one wants the other to pay. So we shall organize a race. All must take a round of hotel premises and whoever comes first to the counter, shall pay the bill."

    The manager was amazed to see such a decent and generous group wanting to pay the bill.
    Manager said he can blow the whistle and all can run around hotel. Whoever comes first shall pay the Bill.
    Today is the 3rd day and no one has reached the counter yet !

    Dedicated to All The Retired Friends!
     
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  5. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    :roflmao:
    Wish i could share this joke in my family group in whatsapp!
     
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  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:madam sister
    Circulation keeps the humanity and the world they live-in on even keel. When air remains still, one gets suffocated. When money stashed away poor gets impoverished. When sorrows not let out it gets multiplied.
    One must circulate especially the humour of times that are gentle & remains thought provoking .
    Thanks for your patronage.
    God Bless.
     
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  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:What is the greatest learning from this pandemic?
    Nothing is in our hands, yet one has to wash hands often!

    ********
    A Polish man married an ebullient American lady. They managed though Polish Man’s spoken English was far from perfect.

    Until one day, he rushed to lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

    The lawyer said that would depend on circumstances and
    asked few questions:
    ”You have any grounds”
    “An acre and a half and a nice home”
    “No. I mean what is the foundation of this case ?”
    “It is on concrete”.
    “You seem not to understand. Does either of you have real grudge”
    “No we have a carpark”
    “No not that. I mean any infidelity?”
    “We have high fidelity stereo and DVD”
    “Oh my god: I mean what your relations like?”
    “All my relatives in Poland”
    “Phew. Does your wife beat up”
    “No I always wake up before her”
    “Sir tell me exactly why you need a divorce then?”
    “No she is going to kill me”
    “What makes you think that? Do you have any proof”
    “I have proof”
    “What proof?”

    “She has bought a bottle of poison and put it on shelf in bathroom
    Over which - I read the label - it is in print
    poison - polish remover” .
     
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