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Hit him back......is it good advise???

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sunny3, Jan 29, 2010.

  1. Sunny3

    Sunny3 New IL'ite

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    Since couple of days I have been thinking whether I was right or wrong to have advised a newly married woman like this.

    My newly married cousin called me from Canada. She told me that she and her dh had some heated argument about something and finally her husband slapped her right on the face. She was very angry and humiliated. That really made my blood boil and all sorts of thoughts ran my mind. I told her next time he hits you, don't be meek and cry later, you give him back instantly. You do that one time and next time he will be in his senses.
    The more you cry he will take you to be submissive and show his temper.

    Hit him back if he hit you.....was precisely my advise.

    After some time when I sat and thought on it I felt like may be I shouldn't have advised her like that.
    She is 10yrs younger to me and looks up to me as an elder sister. Maybe I should call her and tell that is not the right approach?
    But, then even I cannot take physical abuse silently (dh never was that bad). May be he deserves it next time he does that to her??
    What is it that a man shows his power on his wife??? Why should she take it silently? Again, something in me says "oh! well then that is going to be a war zone! There will be no solution found if they beat each other up.
    The thought that how humiliating it is to be beaten up makes me go back to my advise given to her that hitting back will show him that he has no RIGHT to do that to his wife.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2010
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    i agree physical abuse is bad
    but it takes time for a person to realise what he is doing in moment of heat
    check if he repented later
    slap to slap a big no according to me
    i got one big slight slap once from my dh because i raised an issue regarding his mom and in the heat he slapped me but i know change in him later and bond we have
    i feel we should not allow any physical abuse but sometimes need to judge based on situation
     
  3. Indyan

    Indyan New IL'ite

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    Sunny3-

    I'm 31 ,married man.Here's my take.

    What is it that a man shows his power on his wife?
    A)Only a weak man shows his power on his wife.
    Yes,thats true,not all men are abusive.Only those who are weak,who cant handle an argument,who cant handle the pressures of life,take it out on their wives ..as if they are their punching bags.

    Why should she take it silently?
    A) No,She should not take it silently,she shud never accept such kind of behavior.She should make it crystal clear that it is not acceptable even if he apologises and repents.
    Just say NO.
    I agree with you a blow for a blow might make the household a war zone.Since she's in CANADA,she can tell her husband that if next time if it ever comes to that ,then she'll call cops and report domestic violence.
    She has to make it clear .
     
  4. radsahana

    radsahana Silver IL'ite

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    hey sunny3

    Yes i agree with Indyan. All men are not abusive.

    Touchwood my DH in my 7 years of mrg, never raised his hand. Had he, maybe i would have given back, since i took cant take physical abuse.

    But also as lavii, said sometime in heat of the argument, without knowing, mens hand get raised, but that is not right though. Dont know what your cousin also said to him, which may be instigating, but still to show ones power physical abuse is not at all correct.

    Your cousin should make it very clear, that as Indyan said, she will report to the cops. Once she keep quiet, her husband will be encouraged to do that again.


    Any problem can be solved by communicating. Ask your cousin to tell her husband that they should talk and resolve any issues rather than getting into heated argument.
     
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Suppose he gets even madder after she slaps back, and turns around and punches her hard in the face? Or worse? In a fight, men and women aren't equal, that's all there is to it. He is probably bigger and stronger. Maybe if she slapped him back it would make him realize his error, but it could also escalate an already bad situation.
     
  6. Sunny3

    Sunny3 New IL'ite

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    You are right lavii,Indyan,radsahana and Asg.

    I shouldn't have advised that way. Will talk to her calmly and find out what the problem is and ask her to deal in a more decent way.
    I got so angry when she first told me that this suggestion came out of my mouth instantly.:bonk
     

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