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Hides Whatsapp Messages

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Goahead, Jun 26, 2021.

  1. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    My husband has always hidden his WhatsApp messages from me . When confronted he denies it and pretends that I’m allowed to see his messages but he makes sure that he hides all his messages . I’m not allowed to even touch his phone because it’s his property and personal . The problem is all his family messages with mom
    And sister . We have had 2-3 big fights about it where he does not allow me to see the messages . But at the end of the fight he will give me the phone and say looks t them if you want to I dnt have anything to hide

    anyways , today again his mom had sent some urgent message about something . He told me and I was staring right there so I asked show the message because I wanted to k is what happened ( about the situation she messaged )because he was confronted right on the spot by me , he open up WhatsApp and did not open his mom message window . Instead from the main window he showed me the message and then took the phone away.
    Anyways I called his mom for the situation etc
    But I’m very angry and upset for my husband . I feel stupid to let him go and not point out what he did . I feel like telling him on his face that I see how he hides from me . He did not open the message window at all
    I’m so angry . What should I do ? I already had fights with him couple of years back regarding this issue . And of course in the last few years this has happened many times , I just did not say anything but today I really want to say and tell him that I’m not a fool
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Why do you need to look at his messages? Not being judgy or argumentative, just curious.
     
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  3. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    I dnt look at his messages . But today there was something going on in the family and I asked to look at the message to see the tone of the
    Message etc . But he tried hiding it . What is there to hide . He even lies to me I. Regards to his parents . His parents also
    Lied today and it’s a family think. They all
    Lie and hide things
     
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  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I’m not sure if it’s the norm for husband and wife to share each other’s phone passwords and access each other’s messages on a regular basis..unless there is a past history of infidelity, or they have a shared mobile number that they both need to access for household purposes...
    If any of the spouse feels that his or her privacy is being threatened by the spouse asking for access to personal messages, it would cause resentment, irritation and fights.
     
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  5. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    If your husband is hiding his messages from his family, it is clear that there would be things over which he knows you will not be in agreement and could cause fights. You say they hide things and lie to you - your husband knowing your thoughts towards his family would naturally not be open to all his interactions with them. IMHO whatsapp messages are personal even if between husband and wife and it is upto the spouse concerned to share or not. Ideal situation should be 'nothing to hide' but when relationships are not exactly all pleasant, it is better to just deal with whatever is made known to you voluntarily.
     
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  6. preeti6years

    preeti6years Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Honestly from my experience let me tell you. The more you stay away from his phone, the more you will be at peace. It's his side family headache and let him deal with it. Even if it's something else also do not worry about it. You can't change their true nature.
    Initially this was the case with me. I used to check his messages when he was continuously chatting with his bro. I found out how explicitly he was sharing our fights details with him and how his bro did not even think twice before replying with abusive words about me. Not only this I have read his bro messages where he was always texting against me and brainwashing dh. Now this has stopped. Second phase, my dear dh chatting with my sis husband. I found out how these two people were discussing about my family. Even though they were not abusive they were talking as if we were at fault. I had massive fight with him on this. He then changed his password and at the same time I have decided not to sneak peak into his mobile for my own peace.
    It's been 2 years that I have checked his whatsapp messages and honestly I am much better and peaceful now.
    Let the crap be with them and let peace be with us.
     
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  7. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    In our home there is an unwritten rule - none of us answer or touch another person's phone. If my phone rings, husband or son will tell me who it is on the line, but even if it is somebody they know very well they will never answer it. Husband and I are both part of family whatsapp groups. He with his family and I with mine (extended I mean). If something important we share. Husband speaks with MIL daily and if there is something I need to know he will tell me so that when I speak and she asks I can tell her I already know.

    My own sister's house everybody looks at each others phones. Sometimes I really need to vent about something but can never message her in case my niece or nephew look at the phone and see the message.
     
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