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Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Apr 18, 2025.

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  1. Apr 18, 2025 #1
    anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Okay..long time back I made a thread about friendships and many have good pointers.

    I implemented a few..

    I said okay to few families outing for a weekend in next two weeks.Anxious but going to go.

    Another one is I messaged a lady saying I will come and see her soemtime but for some reason both times she gave some vague answer not able to meet.I left it but least I tried.

    All I want to know is this..

    My standards are below:

    Basic respect and Inclusion.Hope it’s not too high.My past friendships for some reason I was treated like a joker or two or three people joking together and leaving me feel like furniture.My husband says sometimes when I talk I sound childish and so nowadays am much reserved than before to appear smart.I know this childish trait of mine but after a point I cannot put on a facade.

    Anyways.. Can I ask one thing?

    My well wisher once said probably am the only lady in USA who does not have friends. It stung.

    I don’t think am a bad person to be around..

    1) Am I the only woman who doesn’t have friends?

    3) I am fine being a loner but I don’t think am the only one this way..makes me feel something so wrong with me.

    4) Do I even need friends? Unsure but looks like a flaw if I don’t have any.

    5) I agree social media fomo is also very much triggering.Especially Instagram there are group of ladies doing reels and having fun it makes me feel even more alone when I see that.

    6) I work, do some exercise,housework ,tv and go out with husband.I feel soemtimes am the only woman in America this way.

    please don’t get made with this thread.I just want to know am not alone and nothing is wrong with em. Bluntly saying all I want to know is there are also women like me
    Who are homebody.
     
    anika987, Apr 18, 2025
    anika987, Apr 18, 2025
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  2. Apr 18, 2025 #2
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Anika, Anika, Anika... I really wish this was WhatsApp and I could say "Talk?" :blush:

    First, I want to rephrase your assessment and question a bit:
    Don’t mind being alone, in fact, I’m quite happy being on my own. I manage to fill my time with work, family, exercise, TV, cooking healthy food, and occasional outings. But once in a while, on a Friday afternoon or a late Sunday evening, there’s this little voice that pops up: Am I the only one like this? With almost no local friends, and no real ability to form new ones?

    The answer is: you are definitely not alone. If we took a poll, I’m willing to bet a surprisingly high percentage of women would raise their hands. Like you, they’re living full, content lives, but that small ache or question about friendships shows up now and then. And when it does, they either vent to husband, or post in a space like IL.

    Think of it like people who are single, they lead quite productive and happy lives, but still sometimes wonder if there’s something wrong with them just because they’re single.

    It’s human nature to occasionally focus on what’s missing in life. And that’s okay, as long as we bounce back from it soon enough… which you do.
     
    Rihana, Apr 18, 2025
    Rihana, Apr 18, 2025
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  3. Apr 18, 2025 #3
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh just read this homebody part. Hmm.. There are many women who don’t have close local friends and feel like they try hard, but things just don’t click, or the connections they make feel surface-level. However, these women are not all homebodies necessarily. Some are very active outside the home, engaging in a variety of activities outside the home and visiting many places, they just do all of that alone. And some are homebodies.
     
    Rihana, Apr 18, 2025
    Rihana, Apr 18, 2025
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  4. Apr 19, 2025 #4
    Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Hi Anika,

    I am a homebody - completely! I also refrain from answering your threads, only because you need to figure this out, and be strong in who you are! And of course, I understand that it is helping you to bounce off here. So please don't mistake me. Incidentally, I also came across this article that may answer many of your questions (from your past threads)
    7 status symbols middle class people cling to that don’t truly impress anyone

    And finally, I do believe in this Khalil Gibran quote -

    “Travel and tell no one, live a true love story and tell no one, live happily and tell no one, people ruin beautiful things.”

    You seem to be having a beautiful life, don't let others ruin it for you!
     
    Srama, Apr 19, 2025
    Srama, Apr 19, 2025
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  5. Apr 19, 2025 #5
    anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you Rihana! I also go
    Out alone just for hobby class nothing major.

    Infact if the world is full of introverts..happy to be one but everyone around me seems to be extroverted..and sometimes yes I agree that fomo feeling..

    but getting much better..today was one to those days but I keep telling myself to be who I truly am.

    Only thing is people sometimes mistake my aloofness and reserved nature for attitude .

    Hoenstly once people Get to know me they will know am just a little kitten posing as a tigress :D

    What to do? World sometimes take advantage of nice and naive people and I have been apart of it..acting reserved is my defense mechanism.
     
    anika987, Apr 19, 2025
    anika987, Apr 19, 2025
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  6. Apr 19, 2025 #6
    anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you Rama! I loved that link.

    I thought I have a very normal life..guess it’s beautiful too.
     
    anika987, Apr 19, 2025
    anika987, Apr 19, 2025
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  7. Apr 19, 2025 #7
    anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    If I was more social…would I have given my gal a happier childhood?

    My kid has some Play dates and yesterday one got cancelled she wasn’t bothered which was good.

    However if I was social with other moms..maybe more kids for her to hang around with?
     
    anika987, Apr 19, 2025
    anika987, Apr 19, 2025
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  8. Apr 19, 2025 #8
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    More playdates or having more kids to hang around with doesn’t necessarily make for a happier childhood, it just creates a socially different one. The fact that a canceled playdate didn’t bother her is actually a good sign that she’s content and secure in herself.

    Sure, if you were more connected with other moms, she might’ve had more kids to choose from for playdates. But even then, the number of real "matches", playdates or meaningful friendships would likely be about the same.

    And honestly, I think childhoods tend to balance out in the long run. No single action or trait of the parent, whether it’s being more social or less, determines the kind of childhood our children have. What counts is our patience, listening to them, patience, and more patience. :grinning:

    ====
    Spring break is over?
     
    Rihana, Apr 19, 2025
    Rihana, Apr 19, 2025
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  9. Apr 22, 2025 #9
    nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Silver IL'ite

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    @anika987, you are fine as you are. :) what you are doing here is just a routine self-check. Like Rihana says sporadic visits to what one's missing in life is normal. :)

    I know a few middle aged ladies. They were total extroverts even a few years ago and have turned into introvert/ taciturn/ reserved/ mature-appearing ladies now. Asked them why and their replies were on the lines of 1. turning my gaze inward for introspection 2. life sucks 3. what's the point wasting your time and energy on people who invariably end up gossiping about you, etc.

    What you need is a strong solid validation from someone who loves you/ you love. In fact, you can start that yourself... I mean if you start reminding yourself everyday that you are fine, you are happy, your family is healthy and happy, your daughter is growing up well and will one day soon become a fine young lady with a golden heart then I think soon you will be content with your situation. That attention will definitely shift away from this self doubt.

    Love and gratitude are the sure-shot antidote to self-doubt. Works for me so I'm hoping it will work for you as well. :)
     
    nayidulhan, Apr 22, 2025
    nayidulhan, Apr 22, 2025
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  10. Apr 22, 2025 #10
    nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Silver IL'ite

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    Not sure if you said this from your real-life experience as a parent or if it's your clarity of thought at work, dear @Rihana but it is a deep and intelligent thought. It is very comforting too.

    **
    I don't know how you have the knack of saying the most reassuring things here especially in the parenting space. Most of us are walking on eggshells around our teenagers (unsurprisingly so :)) and your wise, thoughtful words are calming. Patience is the key to everything, I agree. :)
    **
     
    nayidulhan, Apr 22, 2025
    nayidulhan, Apr 22, 2025
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