Hey God Help thyself

Hey God Help Thyself !!!​

I receive a joke on Whats Appl yesterday which had me in splits and set me thinking too. Here it is.

SOME OF THE RICHEST TEMPLES ARE IN INDIA – TIRUPATHI BALAJI, SHIRDI SAI BABA,
SOME OF THE WEALTHIEST GURUS ARE IN INDIA – SATYA SAI BABA( Where roomful of diamonds and ornaments were found after his death)
Baba Ramdev – whose Ashram alone they say is worth over a 1000 crores
Asharam babu – well he too is wealthy
And many other gurus.

And yet these gurus, who proclaim to be Gods themselves, are not helping the Badriath God.
If Gods don’t help their fellow Gods, what can we mortal human beings do !!!!!!!!

They say God helps those who help themselves, and here we have the Gods needing help, and other gods are just sitting and watching the show, the living gods and the temple gods.

And to those that want to help, I am out, for I am a small fry u see, there is another joke going around, which says, if u want 100/- to reach the survivors, then please give 1000/-, the I nference is clear.

And in the jaipur papers, everyday now, we are having condolence page full of people who have lost their lives there, whose bodies are not found yet, and now the relatives are putting the advertisements in the papers.

When I discussed this issue with a few walkers as to why people take risks, going to these places of pilgrimage, where it is risky, and when old people and children too have gone, they said, it was for adventure and picnic too. I said, in that case, if u want a picnic , go to Haridwar, Rishikesh, and other such places which are not in the mountains, and which are safe. And if u want adventure, go to Switzerland for that matter eh ! Don’t mix adventure and religion, it is lethal, as has bee proved here.

Anyway each to their own, no controversy needed please.



RAGHAVJI BEHIND BARS

The 80 year old minister, who was accused of molesting his male servant and whose 22 CD’s of his misdeeds are available, has been arrested. He says he is too old to have sex, but the doctors have taken his tests but the results kept secret.

Now that the elections are coming next year, u will hear of a lot of blackmail and sleeze, which was there previously, but now it is being used to put someone down. Did this minister do this suddenly ? Was he not doing all this many years back ? And why was he not caught then ?Why now ?

And his grandson too must be 30 or so, I wonder what will he be thinking, that my grandpa is so virile , that he can have sex even now at 80 ? And if he can have sex outside marriage, so can I, if caught he will bail me out. To what levels have people and politicians stooped to really.



Indigo Airlines I think has come up with an idea which they think is brilliant, I don’t think so. Of the 600 crew cabin, they have some 200 male cabin crew, who are on an average 20 kgs heavier than the female counterpart, so they will start replacing them, with females very soon. This will save them some 2 crores per year.

They are looking at the wrong area. Look at this.Now u are allowed 15 kgs luggage instead of 20, and 7 kg handbag, so that makes it 22 kgs, laptop is extra and a poly bag with novels etc is also allowed.

Now harsha and me came by flight last week from Mumbai. Assuming we both carried 22 kgs, nos she weighs 65 kgs, plus her 22 kg luggage, and I weight 90 plus 22 kg luggage. So the airlines loses on me.

Why don’t u have a new rule, for example , that a passenger with the luggage and handbag say should weigh 90 kgs on the scale, including his clothes too.

So say Harsha will weigh 65 plus 22 = 87 kgs, and is fine
Kamal will weigh 90 plus 22 – 112 kg, so charge him extra 112 kgs – 90 = 22 kgs extra luggage, while giving a discount of 3 kgs to harsha. This way the airlines will mint money, and will force guys like me to slim down, good for my health and wallet, and good for the airlines health !!!!!! And just imagine u getting money even 10 kgs per passenger per flight into some 150 pasengers, wow that is a lot of money eh !

Now don’t u friends cry, I have not sold this idea yet to the airlines, so let the moderators delete this after u all have read it.HAHA

Have a great week , ladies an d gemtlemen, after Cheeniya, who has now retired, it is my turn now to ramble.

KAMAL MAHTANI








3 reasons whySindhis cannot be terrorists

1) they are never on time and will probably miss the flight they were supposed to bomb
2) They will talk so loudly,that everyone will know of the paln before boarding
3)And with free drinks on flights,they will forget why they were there in the first place !!!

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A pipe brust and the doctor had to call the plumber to fix it. Within a few mintues the pipe was fixed and the plumber presented a bill of $ 500 to the doctor

Doctor - Bloddy Hell, even i never made this kind of money as a doctor

The plumber waited for him to finish, and said quietly" Neither did I when i was a doctor !!!!!

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A father was putting his daughter to sleep when she said this prayer " God bless, mummy, god bless papa, god bless grandma, good bye Grandpa "

Dad was surprised and said " Why did u say Goodbye grandpa"?
Daughter said , i dont know.

Next day grandpa died.

After a week as the father was putting the daughter to sleep, she said, God bless mama, god bless papa, goodbye grandma"

Next day Grandma died.

After a month or so when the dad was putting daughter to sleep she said God bless mama, goodbye Dad

Dad got the shock of his life, and he thought the other two deaths occured in the house, maybe he can escape death if he stayed in the office, so he stayed up late at office, drinking away to glory, scared this is going to be his last day on earth, for he knew the powers of his daughter's prayer.

Well as the clock struck midnight, he was relived, and happy that his daughter was wrong, and he headed home, where his worried wife was waiting for him, and asked him what happened.

" i had a very tiring day, i am exhuasted, it was tough emotionally for me"

Wife - u think u had a tough day, well ask me, my boss, died while he was dictacting someting to me !!!!!!!!!!!


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Friends tell me, if the cartoons are good or not, i have just learnt today how to add them to the blog, and if u like them, i have many many more for u all. let me know please.

 

Dear OOTB.

Glad u liked the desserts if not the main course.kuch to acha laga na !!!! HAHA

i have many cartoons onn my mobile but i did not know how to put them on blogs, somehow it took me an hour today to figure it out, there are so many good ones i have.Jokes i had to curtail, as i put in the cartoons, but so many good ones

Yes religion and politics are dicey, i too skim just the top, though there is lots to say. Good u kept away.

Regards

kamal

 

Dear DS.

Welcome to my blogs. When i read that the airlines are weight sensitive, then this is the most ideal solution i wonder why they cant think of it. The heavier u are the worse for the plane, so charge per weight, and reward those who are underweight with extra luggage. Some people get smart, and wear heavy jackets etc, so that their lugage weights less, no problem, put the whole person and his bags and handbags on the weighing scale, including the books and magazines that he is carrying, and see how much the airlines mint.HAHA

Such common sense really, and they hiore all these highly educated people, who just think of saving pennies for teh airlines, why dont they hire an uneducated person like me, but who can save them loads pof money.

Regards

kamal

 

Dear Vishwa,

just learnt how to post cartoons, i had to transfer them from my mobile to my email, and then to the blogs.i am not veyr good in technology, and i want to make the cartoons smaller so i can fit in more.

The joke of the other temples not helping was so apt really.why dont they give cash to the govt to help out ?

The older generation, i mean of politicians are all rascals, most of them atleast. my ears go read when i read about their exploits and sexploits, and i know sadly nothing will happen. Sad

There will be a reward and punishment, i forgot to mention the rewards. Say if u are underweight, u can carry more luggage, or they reduce yr fare a wee bit. or giv eu points over a period of time, which u can redeem.

Regards

kamal

 

Dear Balaji,

Walking up to heaven eh ! please cut that cutting and post it here, i am sure it will be hilarious.How can there be a path up there eh ! Yes, and wont yamraj be unhappy that they did not use his buffllo.HAHA

Superb one that.

Regasrds

kamal