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Her mil...my mom.........

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by maya69, Jan 31, 2014.

  1. maya69

    maya69 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Yellowmango, hopefully i can tell it like that to my mom and it will all go over well. She is already at my house and told my sil that she will be back in 2-3wks. My mom will miss her friends at gym/senior center that she has started making with my encouragement to get out of the house more. Meeting these seniors my mom has realized that rich or poor, at old age people have the same issues with son/dil etc.

    My brother did buy a 4bdrm house 2yrs back. But in retrospect that house unfortunetly has bdrm layout all wrong for privacy i guess. They should have bought an upstairs master with a bdrm down types that we have. Oh well nothing can be done on that. My brother did not say that mom will be in myhouse long term but i find 2 months at a stretch hard to fathom. Every 2wks every month is workable. My mom will be really stuck at home at my place with no gym/senior center or buses.

    Also if my sil had found a job here (trying 3yrs) it would have helped as she would have gotten out everyday. That also has not materialized so a complex is forming for my sil think. Hope they can find some happiness.
     
  2. suasin

    suasin Gold IL'ite

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    OMG Maya, me n my sis are two daughters!!! Atleast we dont have to say, I can't have them.. Isnt it a blessing?
    You are an incredible person n things will work out with your mom.. Stay positive...
     
  3. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Maya, ym has said it right - use your charm and get the job done. your inlaws can stay with your BIL. As a daughter your mom will be more accepting of this fact coming from you than when it comes from your brother. That is a universal fact. and coming from personal experience.

    My brother(unmarried) does the same thing for other stuff that he is unable to tell my parents. Not because he is insensitive, but because he IS sensitive to how they would feel.

    just read your later posts, if gym, travel is an issue, is there some kind of library or some other facility closeby, where she can volunteer. perhaps, teach little kids, interact with other Indian family elders etc
     
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  4. GaythriV

    GaythriV Platinum IL'ite

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    My respect and hugs to you dear. Feel very proud of you. May God bless you in everyway.
     
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  5. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    I have not met anyone who can think with such clear mind and be so giving while in the midst of such chaos. You are an exception. 12 years with in-laws can send 99.99% of DILs to mental asylum.

    But make sure that either your brother or husband do not exploit your good nature. Your husband has other siblings too. Are they doing any of their bit - financially, physically?

    As far as your brother, once he has kids, I am very sure he wants his mother at his place and no where else. This will continue till his kids go to school. Then he will want his privacy again. Make sure that you don't get a very sick mother to care for a decade later. Taking care of small babies in old age is an impossible task. Her health is bound to go deep south. At that point, your brother might ask you to share her responsibilities.

    I am not trying to scare you. But I have seen such cases too often. That's why I am not a big fan of taking grand parents help to raise kids.
     
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  6. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Maya,

    In all this dilemma, here is a sliver of good news...Your post has been nominated to FP of the month by Radhai and also Quebec!! Double Congratulations!!

    I called your situation a dilemma and that could be a wrong terminology. Looks like destiny has chosen you to be the benevolent daughter who serves not just her elderly in-laws, but also her elderly mother! Like someone here mentioned, you are in for a lot of good Karma my friend!

    I must also tell you what a sweet person you come across as... At times, it seems like God tests the good people much much more! Unfortunately, I too have no words of solution to offer but only words!

    Not so long ago, I went through a lot of trauma worrying about my own old mother, may her soul RIP! I can totally understand your predicament. But from your words, I could gather how good hearted and tolerant you are and your enormous ability to look at things in the right perspective. You will cross this bridge too and my best wishes and prayers will be with you. Yes, make it a happy Barjatya family movie!

    L, Kamla
     
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  7. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Maya,
    you are a good hearted sil, dil who is doing your best to have a happy brother and happy husband. It is so heartwarming to read your posts.
    god bless you and your loved ones.
     
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  8. jazz16

    jazz16 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Maya,
    Every time things look bleak, a post by someone like you comes up!!! I was left wondering after reading your post as to how someone can be so rational and level headed in such matters of life and articulate it so well!!Kudos to you. I would want to give credit to your mum too who brought up such a beautiful daughter! keep the good work up!! God bless you.
    also....Congrats for being nominated for the FP!!
     
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  9. maya69

    maya69 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you Kamla. Thats sweet news! Thank you Radhai and Quebec for giving FP nomination. I wrote from my heart as to what i felt at that time thats all. This site has helped me a lot in navigating the ups and downs of life. Thank you.
     
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  10. Kismet

    Kismet New IL'ite

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    I often wonder how people can have double standards where their in laws and parents are concerned. It is so heartening to read your posts and see that you truly understand the issues without being judgemental. As others have said, you're earning lots of karma brownie points :)
     
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