Her Husband Doesn't Say Bye

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Rihana, Mar 20, 2023.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Heavy rains, power outages, so my friend Deeps came over to my house a couple days to login to her work. We hung out mostly in the living room. My DH, "Kums", popped in both days to say "bye" (day one) and "bye, will be late, am having dinner out" (day two).

    On day one Deeps gave me a puzzled look. On day two she couldn’t hold it in any more, "Rags never says bye, he just leaves." Rags is obviously Mr. Deeps.

    I tried to make her feel better, "Well, Kums says bye only when leaving for the whole day, not if he is going out nearby."

    Deeps took that as an invitation to elaborate on their bye’s. "I’ve told Rags many times to say bye before leaving, he won’t. He says if I want a bye, I should run around fetching him his cell phone, keys, sunglasses when he is leaving and be the attentive wife. If I am occupied in the kitchen, too bad."

    My patience was beginning to wear thin. Kums had just said a general bye to us both in the living room. He did not give me a peck or say "bye honey" or anything. Anyway, being the good host, I tried, "Hmm.. we may still say bye, but I no longer get a 'Love you' or 'I love you' etc."

    Bad move on my part. Bad path to take in the memory lane maze.

    I continued, "You know what.. I don’t get a thank you any more. It’s been a while since Kums found a reason or a need to say thank you to me."

    I was now on a roll and suddenly remembered an afternoon walk with Kums in the early days of the pandemic. We were in a very white neighborhood, parked our car near a trailhead, and had just started walking. A local resident came along walking her dog. I was saying something to Kums, but he turned and called out a cheery "Good Morning" to the lady. His friendly gaze encompassed her dog too. They both got a Good Morning, so to say and they went on their way.

    Kums and I started walking toward the trailhead and took a couple of turns, bumped into her again. I was still talking non-stop. That’s what women do when walking. So, I could continue to talk, he could continue to listen, we could just smile at her and continue? No. Kums had to pause listening to me and say to her, “Good Morning again.” Yes, that is exactly what he said to them: Good.Morning.Again.

    Bad move on Kums’ part. Very bad move.

    I switched to full Hindi so I could be more frank in the mostly silent neighborhood, "Ek baat batao. Tum mujhe kabhi Good Morning nahin bolte ho. Usko aur uskey kuttey ko itna dil se Good Morning? Do do baar?"

    "How come you never say Good Morning to me and say it twice so warmly to her and her kutta too?”

    Bechara Kums. He is too shocked to even try a lame, "But you are my life’s Good Morning. How can I say Good Morning to my Good Morning?"

    Then the other day I went to Kums’ office-at-home-room door to say lunch was heated. He was wrapping up a call to some customer service, not a work call. I was struck by the bhaavukta, the sheer emotion and gratitude, with which he ended the call, "Thank you so much, Mark. I really appreciate you being online while I …"

    Lucky guy that Mark. I’ve never received such a heart-felt thank you ever from Kums. Never. I can give that as a notarized statement. I didn’t get such a thanks ever, not even after I remained "online" and awake waiting for the epidural to kick in and they eventually presented our beautiful first-born to Kums. Not five days after my second C-section, when I said yes he could go to work and I would drive to pick up our older one from preschool.

    Why is it so? Why are we kinder to others but take our own for granted? In the house, at the restaurant, in the car, on the phone and outdoors?
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2023

  2. swarnamary

    swarnamary Gold IL'ite

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    sorry to say but i think guys got this ego in them as to why i have to say when going out... funny thing is i like to ask anyone who is going out where you going hahahaha..my husband dont say bye but for sure he says where he is going before he step out..
    Rihana likes this.
  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I. Am. Kums :disrelieved:

    People like Kums and I, we shower our loved ones with love in other ways. We might take time to cook an entire spread of 30 odd dishes for Father’s Day for example! Or we might pay the bills, ensure our finances are perfect, ensure every recipe they like is prepared once in a while and so on and so forth. I mean we don’t do these things for people in restaurants or on the phone! I feel like Kums and I get a bad rep because of all those thank you honey type people!
  4. nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Silver IL'ite

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    What a coincidence! I made an observation earlier today on the same lines. I am not thanked for absolutely anything in this house. I have made a silent note of this fact for quite sometime now. However, just a few hours ago, I had a funny experience. As a part of a conversation that I was having with DH, I mentioned how I have turned counter-productive these days due to dilly dallying and how I end up checking only a couple of items off my Things to do list, of late. That's when he insisted that this is totally justified because I must be overworked as I always do "so much" for the household! He actually listed a few things that I do that are not actually expected of me. I was pleasantly surprised. Could this be reverse psychology at work? :)

    I am yet to investigate the underlying reasons for this. May be he heard about someone's spouse walking out on them due to lack of acknowledgement & gratitude in their relationship or may be even a tiny but warm, eye-opening forward played the trick. Whatever it is, it definitely made my day. :)

    Back to the post, @Rihana, most of us inadvertently take things for granted. Despite feeling thankful, we never express aloud our gratitude. I am thinking of getting into the habit of exhibiting my appreciation and I am sure the universe will reciprocate. :grimacing:

    Btw, I just love how you complained about Kums wishing that stranger-lady-with-the-dog twice, more than a couple of years ago and not wishing you with the same excitement in his voice. haha You are so... so much in love with him after all these years and all these sweet quibbles later! Lovestruck damsel, you want only his attention and open appreciation. Lucky Kums to have such a sweetheart for the wife! :kissingheart:

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