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Helpless Situation

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Sweety2016, Feb 23, 2021.

  1. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all
    Need some insights from you all on this particular situation...
    My uncle is dying of multiple myeloma and I have never seen someone suffering with pain like he does. His body is shutting down every single day and no amount of blood transfusions, pain killers etc are helping. The worst thing is that no hospital ( including govt) takes him for admission. He cries calling everybody asking us to either admit him somewhere or kill him...

    My parents are depressed because of this as my uncle family stay close to us...I have no fond memories of him. He was manipulative, abusive, money minded and his own son has been so hostile to him. The son keeps yelling at the sick father and doesn't help him in any way. The wife is duty conscious and does what she can do. There are many many unpleasant memories which I don't want to recollect at this point of time..

    My parents help him monetarily, provide food and help in ways possible for them . Now he calls them and forces them to take him to hospital.

    Both my parents have severe comorbidities and one of my healthy relatives died of covid a week back. I have requested my parents to arrange some ways to take him to hospital. The aunt and son rented another home in the same flat and stay there. It seems they don't want to entertain his requests.

    I am having sleepless nights because of this.
    I researched on palliative care but there is none near my locality.

    What are the ways to reduce pain in a dying patient? There should be some pain management therapy that would help him but surprisingly no doctor is suggesting it. Instead they gave him physiotherapy and the pain aggravated by many folds.
    How will I console my guilty parents and myself as we can't see a human being suffering with severe pain?
    Are all multiple myeloma this painful?

    Last few days have been stressful beyond imagination. I can't even pray.
     
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  2. Asw

    Asw Silver IL'ite

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    I don't have any replies for you.Sorry. But I will definitely pray God to give you and your family enough strength. I pray God gives his blessings on your uncle.
     
  3. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    Aunt+son live in another flat. Your parents are at a phone call away.
    Who is with the sick guy ?
    Are you in the same household ?

    The mention of "I researched on palliative care but there is none near my locality" -- is mysterious. Cannabis products are approved for medical use in most states of the USA. And of course, we have opiods; and pretty much everybody has heard of them. The equivalent things available in India are not "quality consistent", but they would reportedly work just as well. In India’s Slums, ‘Painkillers Are Part Of The Daily Routine’
     
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I have never heard of anything like this. He should be in hospice care and should be receiving strong painkillers to cope with the agony. Do they not have a trusted family doctor who can advocate on their behalf? No matter what his misdeeds were in life he should not have to undergo a hell on earth before passing.
     
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  5. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Exactly my point. Everyone says he is exaggerating and has to bear the pain. But how if pain is unbearable?

    In india we have palliative care centres. Those are either very far from our home or too costly or too unhygienic and once when aunt tried admitting him, he begged us to take him back to home. Pain killers are just not working and we are literally begging doctors to help him at least for the moment. All they say is nothing can be done at this stage.

    I am taking the risk now of travelling to my state this week to figure out things.

    They stay in nanganallur, chennai. So incase ilites know someone (care centres, doctors) pl update me on this.
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Sweety, so sorry to read about what you are all going through.

    What is the reason the hospitals are refusing to admit him?

    1. Can't you call up any doctor that you, your parents or husband have seen in the past 4-5 years (in any city) and ask them for help? For suggestions?

    2. You need help from a hospital or doctor local to your uncle's city. How about you post a shorter version of your query in that city's social media? Something like this:

    "Need some insights from you all on this particular situation...
    My uncle is dying of multiple myeloma ...
    no amount of blood transfusions, pain killers etc are helping.
    No hospital ( including govt) takes him for admission.
    He seems to be in acute pain constantly.
    He is asking repeatedly to be taken to a hospital.
    I researched on palliative care but there is none nearby.

    What are the ways to reduce pain in a dying patient? There should be some pain management therapy that would help him but surprisingly no doctor is suggesting it. Instead they gave him physiotherapy and the pain aggravated by many folds.

    Last few days have been stressful beyond imagination."

    Have a friend post it if that would help in not annoying your aunt and cousin. They might not want to make the matter public. But, you have to if that will help your uncle.
     
  7. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    Guys haven't delivered a baby, or suffered c-section. Of course the guy will make a kabuki production if someone minded that, or paid attention. I think any 80proof spirit, with some spicy snacks to go with it, could be a nice palliative. Bourbon, or Scotch or Gin would all fall in this category. All non-prescription medications, all very effective.
    This final phrase, said in various ways, "take her home and make her comfortable", "inform all NRI dear ones so they have time to come" is yet another one. These are said by the doctors/medical people, because the patient's relatives are not asking what they want. The relatives want a quiet, well-behaved patient, who can do most bodily functions on his own, and then check-out without much fuss. That is what they want; but they never tell the doctor that; plainspeech isn't kosher, you see...

    For those who want non-alcoholic, and less enjoyable painkillers, they can get plenty from a pharmacy. The pharmacy guy would know doctors who would write the prescription for a fee. Send a local guy, who speeks the local speech, to talk to the pharmacy guy.
    ah ..hah.. now we have the location. If you are travelling via some dutyfree shops consider buying foreign hooch. Chennai should have plenty of doctors who can write prescriptions, and pharmacies with stock of opioids. In late stage, and palliative considerations, there can be no fear of addictions.
     
  8. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Rihana, the reason why hospital refuse is because they feel nothing can be done at this stage and he will be simply occupying a bed that can be given to deserving patients. Chemo, radiations are not possible given his current stage. blood transfusions failed and all the platelets died within hours of administration. he is eating minimal food and has kidney, stomach disorders aggravating the situation. He was indeed in hospital for the last 2 months and just returned back 2-3 days ago. His complaining and fussing nature adds to the woes and no nurse would want to attend to him at home. All the caretakers employed were driven out because of his attitude. Now we have arranged one new live in maid from hometown to help aunt (aunt is overloaded already because of her own health and other issues)

    we do have a family doctor who finally suggested that intravenous opioids can be administrated if oral meds did not work as last resort( his body did not react well with opioids in the past). So they took him in the morning and the recent update is that now he is sort of ok. Feels little relieved.

    To seek help, I have already posted in fb groups and yet to get response. I am looking for a long term solution where if some doctor can visit their home on a chargeable basis whenever required to administer the opioids as that seems the last option left. It seems he gets agitated at the mention of palliative care home so that option is also ruled out.
     
  9. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    but he is teetotaler. but as you rightly pointed out not able to eat tasty foods is one of his biggest agonies and he cries over it. he hates fruits and healthy light foods. he loves all spicy, non veg foods but cant eat them because the moment he takes something heavy he suffers a lot because of severe dysentery and other side effects.
     
  10. saraswathilives

    saraswathilives Bronze IL'ite

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    Dr. Suresh, Prashant hospitals velachery
     

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