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Help. What Is My Husband Up To?

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by EagerForInfo, Mar 29, 2019.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Bronze IL'ite

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    Ever since my son was born 2 years 8 months he ago my husband sleeps in a different room. We sleep in master room and he goes and sleeps in a different room. I put kids to sleep and fall asleep with them. But today he was telling doctor that we have no sex since 2 years 8 months ago and he wants a divorce. I mean am I just a sex worker. He does not help with kids. ( most of my Indian friends sleep with kids and wife in same room ) but he happily sleeps in different room. Night wakings etc etc are my responsibility. But today I was shocked when he said that. He is telling whole world we do not have sex and he got a vasectomy done 4 months ago but still I am not having sex. He is working 2 jobs 7 to 9 pm every day since 3 years left me all alone with 2 kids and moreover see this twist. Am I overreacting. Or is there something wrong here. What should I do? But he has been sleeping in the different room for 4 years now ever since his mom had come to visit us at that time. What should I do??? Am I overreacting. He does not call. He does not talk to me about anything except things to do clean the house or drop my kids to activities and classes which are around 7:30 in the night and my son (2 ) is sleepy by then. Not one day he helped but see this twist. Am I merely a sex worker. ??? I don’t understand.
     
    Trisha14 likes this.
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  2. GlobetrotterG

    GlobetrotterG Silver IL'ite

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    Not sure, why there are no responses to your post still.

    Did you talk to your spouse on the REAL reasons why he wanted a divorce? You should explain your point of view as well. If there is something genuine, may be it will get sorted between you both. Do not get nervous or breakdown, do some meditation, exercise and have positive thoughts , till you figure out what the issue is. If you are very overwhelmed, talk to your friends or elders first.

    Which country you live in currently, this will help IL members to suggest something on how to tackle the divorce etc.
     
    Trisha14 likes this.
  3. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Bronze IL'ite

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    Like I said I have asked him several times what the issue is. He is trying to lose weight so he’s on a keto diet. Could that be the issue. And on top of that he works two jobs. I live in the US. I have talked to his parents and siblings too who are more childish than him. I am lost. Don’t know what to do. He is the one sleeping in different rooms. With small kids I know Indians usually sleep as a family together along with kids. He’s up all night talking to his parents on the phone who are in Indian. What big difference does it make if small babies who wake up all night ruin his sleep . I think lack of sex is an excuse. And also I don’t think there is a need to work 2 jobs as in the US if u have green card u will get unemployment benefits of u lose a job involuntarily. I am lost. I have 2 cute kids. So for them I don’t want to get divorced. But I don’t want to live with such a pain who is never there to help me in tough times but is a difficulty itself.
     
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  4. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Bronze IL'ite

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    Anyone else ? Can we try hypnosis or get him drunk to spit out the truth. Any advice please. ???
     
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hehe. Watching too many movies .is it
     
  6. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    You have to sit and talk to him. As you say there is more to it. He behaves like a bachelor but fwants sex from you.
     
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  7. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Bronze IL'ite

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    I have tried this numerous times. Like I said it’s not working and that is the reason I am here
     
  8. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. I think he just wants divorce.
     
  9. Jamelia02

    Jamelia02 Silver IL'ite

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    This is no joke! And if this is the first time ever you are hearing this and I'm so sorry that you happen to hear before a third person. But it seems he just told that out of frustration and the usage of word 'divorce', probably is to scare you for no sex. It sounds insane that he jumped to tell this to people around without even trying to sort it out with you. Well, lets take a step back. Did you guys were not intimate in last 2 yrs 8 months at all? If so, did it not bother you? I understand being a mom for two kids isn't easy without any help from your DH but not being intimate for so long isn't good for a couple either. Did you think about it? Between a couple its the physical and emotional intimacy that will keep the relationship growing and if that's denied it can be very frustrating if at least one of them isn't satisfied. May be you are emotionally drained, not getting any help from your dh can make you not want him but somewhere both of you should agree to mid-ground. Like others said, talking to him and openly communicating is the key. All of a sudden jumping that he needs 'divorce' sounds so immature and selfish too. If you want to try and work this up, you should take steps. May be you can put your kids to sleep and go to his room, start talking casually, may be try a hug and just cuddle him. Slowly, you can try and talk to him and ask him what is going inside of his mind. When you ask, ask with care and affection. Try to understand his thought from his shoes. May be its not what you want to hear but give it a try. Let him know that you were hurt because of those 'divorce' things that he is been telling around. Make him feel wanted and when you know its a good time, tell him about how difficult it has been for you taking care of kids on your own and not getting help as drained your energy and hence intimate life has been missing.
    Men are men always until they get what they want they will not give what you want.
    Its important that husband and wife should sleep in the same room. You shouldn't have let him go. Yes, we Indians keep our kids also in the same room but you shouldn't let that affect your relationship with your spouse big time. Having told all this, I think he is telling to everyone only to scare you and make you do what he wants without surrendering to your needs and advertising himself as a victim of a sexless life. Whatever may be the case, i urge you take steps wisely. To person like your dh who is trying to point fingers on you, you should tackle him smartly.
     
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  10. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Bronze IL'ite

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    “Between a couple its the physical and emotional intimacy that will keep the relationship growing and if that's denied it can be very frustrating if at least one of them isn't satisfied. “
    A husband can work 2 jobs but still be verbally affectionate with his wife. Like him I also managed a newborn baby all by myself. There is a little bit of moral support I expect too. So be it if the house is unclean. A husband who really cares will ask a breastfeeding wife if she wants to go out to eat or if she has eaten well. I am soo emotionally disconnected from him but when he needs it he asks for sex. Not even a nice word ... that is I’m not worthy of even being a friend but he treats me like a sex worker.

    But this emotional abuse has been going on for a long time now. So it is not related to this pregnancy. Sheesh. I don’t know. He tries to insult me in front of friends. Hey she didn’t cut the little ones nails. Did u give him a bath at least today ????? ( even when I clearly did ) The list goes on. He tries to make it look like I don’t do my duties in front of people and friends.

    I know this is irrelevant it all the comments but just needed to vent.
     
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