Help Wanted For Sil's Problem

Dear Lalita,

Very sorry to know about your SIL. May god give strength to the whole family to overcome this grief.

As you mentioned that your family is orthodox, and knowing you from what ever you have written here, i am sure that whatever you do or say will be taken in a negative sense. It is very difficult to change the mind-set of such people and a s you have rightly said whatever your action it will boomrang.

My sister had started afresh at the age of 47, due to unavaoidable circumstances. With her husband not around any longer and a tenn aged daughter to look after....she has never worked in her life so far so going and working in an office environment was out of question...but she took us a beautician course and doing it as a free lancer and lives with my parents. As in todays world it is difficult to keep a mother and daugher alone to fend for themselves.

Maybe you will have to look after your SIL throughout her life...as i am sure your MIL won't think of getting her settled again.

But don't worry god does good to people who inturn do good to others. So far you have done a great job for your family and keep doing without any expectation...it will come back to you 2 fold.:cheers

But in the process see that you don't neglect your health, and your kids and husband.

If you know what are your SIL interests, get her involved in it but don't advice her to do anything....for many personalities reverse trend is the order of the day.

All the best.

Warm regards
Roopa.

 

Dear Lalitha,

Its really a sad post to read about your SIL. She hasnt had a good marriage to reflect about. But God had mercy on her and gave her a son (even it was for a short time) to take comfort and happiness in.
Right now, when she is mourning, i dont think she will pay attention to any advice that is coming her way. so, dont say anything. As you said she is soft spoken and listens to only her mother, so no matter what any1 else says, she wont listen.

Let her mourn in peace. I agree that its affecting your life and your neglecting your DH and children. But hats off to you for supporting your SIL through all this ordeal. I admire your strength. In this age, no one will offer such support as you have to your SIL. God bless you. Continue doing so.

Once your SIL starts to feel better, you could probably suggest opening some kind of boutique (clothes) or some small venture like that else you can speak to some NGOs with whom she can work...like for orphanages (she may like that)...

Hope everything works out.
Take care
Jaya

 

Its heart breaking to know about the sad days your SIL had been through...Its not easy to come out of such mental agony...Give her some time...As you have mentioned she is 43 years old Iam sure she must have had some good friends in her life. If so I would suggest to leave her with them often. Friends are the best people to suggest and understand our problems. If not friends may be close cousins........professional Counselling may be the first choice though.

I pray god to bring a solution to SIL's life and make her coming days at least peaceful.

 

Lalitha...

Sorry to hear about your SIL. Pray God give her all the strength.

From your posts, it seems that your inlaws family is kinda very orthodox.. and the surrounding circle might make stories out of it, which might be very negative on her improvement.

Does she move along well with you.. consider your advice? I would suggest, at this age, may be she can start looking for a very minimal job, just to divert her attention from just sitting at home. At this time, going for a computer training it might be very hard on her.. may be once she gets her confidence back, I guess she can look into it. What about doing secretarial jobs? Shes a MBA graduate you said? so any type of management jobs should be great.. don't look into the salary or perks now.. all she needs now is diversion from this life.. something to concentrate and work...

Please keep us posted how shes doing.. May God bless her!!

 

Hi Lalitha,

If your SIL has too many restrictions on taking up a job, then let her do some voluntary work.

If not slowly draw her into the daily routine at home...let her help at home. But make sure that she is active otherwise if she dosen't keep herself occupied then in the long run it will be very difficult to manage as she will become a mental and physical wreck.

If your husband is on good terms with her then let him slowly nudge her to take up the responsibility of your MIL who's health is not very good. Maybe she can teach your children or take up tuitions at home since she had done B.Ed...this might be of interest to her.

Your husband can always guide her that financial independence is important...not that you want her to leave the house and o but to secure her own future. Also see to it in all this you don't forget to secure your future you, husband and kids.

Roopa.

 

Lalitha.... B.Ed.. why not try on teaching line??? Its stress free and she might feel comfortable too..

I agree with roopa... she got to be involved in something.. rather than just sitting at home... that will surely make a lot of difference