Help my brother

dear tulip
what about my next line. you did not read it ? read fully.

 

dear Nandu
it is not about the "guy" or the "girl". it is about the couple. i have not said anywhere that the guy is 100% innocent or girl is 100% guilty. infact i have said that the boy's side and girl's side should stop interfering in the husband-wife relationship. because in this tug of war between parents the husband wife relationship is getting affected. all i have said in the reply is they both should spend some time alone with each other atleast. in case the girl does not want to live with the in-laws. but instead of that her parents take her away or she goes away to her house. isnt this trying to run away from the situation instead of solving it ? once or twice is also okay. but always ? somewhere this running away from situation should stop right ? how will they (husband-wife) make a fresh start if she is going to stick to what her parents say ?

i have also said that whatever be the thing it is the "couple" that will be affected in the end. i have not mentioned anywhere about the guy will be happy or girl will be happy. so i am also saying that "both messed it up". nowhere i have said that girl should come and live with the in-laws just because she is committed. but atleast she can return to her husband and give it a try to live alone with him instead of living with her parents.

 

i hope you got it what i am trying to say.

 

After reading the post I have the following feeling:
The couple have separated since May 07 & in that time most of the sisters will know a lot of internal details of the bros' house even if they're not the meddling types.These details might open up in trying to salvage one's sincerety towards marriage... and aim to prove oneself right or mother cribbing.

The gal did behave immature from what OP wrote here.. OP however refrains to disclose further details on what prompted the gal to go back & never return.

If court has ordered OP's bro to cough up 10K every mnth then the judge there must have also looked at some FACTs which are not disclosed here... if not he's bribed by the gals dad.

Finally some doors like marriage are easier to get in but definitely messier to go out from.... there are v few ppl who let go their partners without alimony etc .. some dont even appear to sign on divorce & keep playing hide n seek.

Padma, if you're a considerate SIS then pls dont think in lines of divorce but to mend ur bros' life in showing whatever positive ur SIL had & tell him to keep his ego aside & begin visiting calling her.. You can read another post in this section where both the parties were holding forts & living separately unnecessarily.

 

Ouch Padma.. You should have mentioned this in the inital post as compared to any other piece of information.
I think a lot of ppl went into the wrong direction of providing feedback.

I feel sorry for your bro & wish him best in life & that he gets out of this messy relationship if its not working despite his efforts.. he has a lot to handle in life than this wife.

 

i am sorry to hear about your parents..you could have mentioned this before..all through the other posts of yours it seemed like you know so lot about their family..but now i know it..sorry for being judgemental here

 

Padma, instead of leaving it to "elders" to handle, maybe your brother could try to contact his wife himself and handle things one on one instead of involving people from your side and hers. I know her parents might make it difficult for him to contact her directly, but at least he could try, right? And then if she is still showing a big attitude, then he should tell her that if she is not willing to resolve the issues, he'll have no choice but to file divorce, since he got married expecting to have a 'wife' not this run around drama he's been stuck with.

 

hmm.. that's saddening to hear. I guess your brother has more responsibilities than to mentioned earlier and so is his wife.

Anyways, I still stick to what I said earlier. It is something they need to sort it out by talking to each other alone. All this ego fights will lead to more and more misery, that is all. Family elders can be there, I mean supportively.. but don't you think more minds into this will just blow this issue more?

 

Padma,
so sorry to hear about your parents. but that has nothing to do with the fact that your brother is not willing to talk to his wife on a 1 on 1 basis. Leaving it to anyone (including the elders) is not the right solution. This is his responsibility. Granted marriages (for the most part) are arranged but when both the consenting adults are mature and able to present their own sides, they should. I don't think its right to drag the whole family into it. And I don't think its any business of the family to butt in and try to fix things. Since there is no sign of abuse (just a lack of communication) it is best to let the husband and wife figure things out. I'm sure you mean well, but it is not your place to suggest divorce or anything else. I hate to say it but your good intentions will eventually land you in a lot of hot water when all this is said an d done. Months or years later, it will be "...well Padma said.........". And you don't want that type of responsibility of anyone's life but yours.
Take care.