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help me

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by soudiya, Oct 4, 2007.

  1. soudiya

    soudiya New IL'ite

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    Hi Everyone ,

    I am a new joiner to this forum. I got married four months ago,( love marriage ) after a courtship of 7 years we got married . i am not living with my in laws cuz my husband travels alot for work purpose . Recently i have noticed that my mother in law and my father in law wants me to come and stay with them for atleast 15 days. My MIL and FIL are nice people but at times my MIL is very demanding and temperamental. Now i have these goose bums in my belly and an anxiety about how to handle her cuz i remember sometime ago she said i dont like anyone cooking for my son. she is highly possesive about her son and my husband doesnt believe me, he says its a fragment of my mind and i am just over reacting. He is sweet man and he loves me alot its just that he doesnt wanna listen anything bad about his mil and fil. infact he forced me to go live with them. now the big question is what should i do to make her like me. and i should i impress her. well to honest i am not a great cook so cooking will not impress her that's sure.


    Kindly quick advice for my woes please

    cheers
    :roll:
     
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  2. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    To reach any man's heart you need to reach through his stomach, it applies to women too. But before doing that learn the cooking from your MIL especially learn those food that your husband loves. Even though you know what are they and how to cook them you learn them from her. After learning it from her you cook it in front of her in her guidance. Give her that confidence that you could also cook well.

    They are your in-laws and in a way your parents. Being in the same city and if your husband goes on tour why dont you just visit them and stay with them.
     
  3. Vini K

    Vini K Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Soudiya,

    I would suggest that you live with your inlaws and just basically learn to live with them.As with any relationship,you do need to give time to this relationship as well and know how they gel with you.They are your inlaws and I would be surprised if any man kept quiet when his wife starts complaining about them to him.Even though you have known your husband for 7 yrs,you still need to know your in-laws,so please do go and live with them.I had the opportunity to live with my in-laws when my husband was away in the beginning of our marriage and I must admit,it has given me a better perspective of them than it would have done had my husband been there with me.I say this because as I have observed in my own family,parents behave differently with their son and daughter in law are there and differently when only the daughter in law is there.This may not be the case in all families,but it is in mine.Which prompts me to say that since you are married now,you should look towards building up the relationship with your MIL.Every mother is possesive so diplomacy is best in these situations.You need not be submissive to her.Just be very humble an don't show that you are expert in cooking.It is often in the kitchen that power struggles between MIL and DIL start.so pretend to learn things from her if you already know.Show an interest in things she cooks and what she thinks is her son's favourite.These tactics should definitely help you tide over your stay at your ILs place.Goodluck:)
     
  4. jaishree9

    jaishree9 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi
    I think u cant made a man to turn abt in 4 months marrige from her mother & why shud one. It shud be a harmonius relationship.
    In my 22 years marrige I have learn that If u respect ur inlaws any decent spouse wud do viceversa & will respect ur parents.
    It may be true that before marrige almost any son/daughter when asked say that their mum is the grestest cook so that cant be changed in overnite . The best way is to learn from ur MIl the recipes ur husband like most . Show then respect & they will love u . A relationship if started on right foot wud always be right & will be there always.
     
  5. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hai

    I also go with Rajmi and vini, they have expalined u very clearly, nothing they left,just take their words,start implementing

    Only one thing, i would like to add to this,pls try to maintain good relationship with in-laws,that's most important in life, moreover that will make ur hubby more happier than anything , this is the nice chance to build good relationship with them , jus ingore if they say something ........,get her guidnace for everything, try to get all information about ur family's tradition,relgious rituals,about puja's ,about ur husband childhood days,about the elderly people etc whihc will definitley IMPRESS HER :thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup


    Always ,elderly person will be expecting us to get their guidance for everything and learn from them about the family :yes:


    Wishing u All the best and a very HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

    latamurali
     
  6. padma123

    padma123 New IL'ite

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    hi soudiya, this reminds me when i got married 27 years ago. i used to listen to my friends and their stories of the problems with mils. but i went by one rule. the golden rule is : u must always tell ur mil that it is her son. never ever say "my husband" esp positive things. eg ur son is so meticulus, just like u. now i know where he gets this good trait from. just say nice things and do nice things like buy her a sari and tell her that you bought it for her cos u felt this colour really suited her etc. tell her u would like to learn her style of cooking cos her son loves his mother's cooking and always compares. i am sure she would loveeeeeeeee to hear that and love u more for having said it. dont treat her like the enemy. treat her like a friend. ask her opinion on things. she would appreciate that. my mother in law treated me very well and she trusted me a lot even much more than her daughters. so much so, before her death, she called me aside and told me to conduct her younger son's wedding. five days later she passed away. i sincerely loved my mother in law. she was my friend and my advisor. dont be possessive over ur husband. he was her son before he became ur husband. so give her the chance to show off. u will not lose anyhting by doing that. moreover, ur husband is urs only. let ur mil feel that her son loves her more. no harm will come of it only good. give it a try. best of luck
     
  7. malarvp

    malarvp New IL'ite

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    I second Rajmi and Padma. impressing MILs is just like fooling your mom to get your things done. they will be easily flattered if you do something they like the most. Like in my case i got her sarees which she likes the most in every other occasion. and learn what you MIL likes the most and none(including u'r hubby and FIL) don't care to do. for me my MIL loves to go some places and my hubby and FIL are such lazy to take her out, so i take care with me whenever I have time. so now I'm her favourite. when you become your MIL's favourite u don't have to worry abt your FIL, SIL, BIL or even your hubby sometimes.

    you shouldn't have waited to stay with them and made your hubby force you. this itself will give him a impression that you don't like them. so heartily to stay with them. tell her u don't know cooking and you really want to learn what all her son likes from her and you really want to learn it. every now and then go with her to temple even if she's not interested, ask her to come with you for your sake(tell "enakaga vanga"). get her some gift which she likes when visit her. for a woman nothing more than a dress would do. if she doesn't like your selection then take her with you and tell her to select whatever she wants. however do not argue if you have some argument, even if you want to tell something tell it in a low voice. that will do. and after returning do not tell your husband about his mom's negatives immediately.

    you yourself will wonder how she'll praise u to others.

    PS : like Padma says don't ever refer your husband as your husband always use your son.

    Malar
     

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