help me with my teenage daughter

sridevi_madduri · Jan 17, 2013

I'm mother of a 13 year old daughter. My daughter spends lot of time with her laptop. I tried telling her to limit it in every way i could, but with no result.
When I took it away from her for some time, she came back and requested that she knows that she is wrong and she wld mend. But when I gave it back to her she is her normal self again. My main concern is she is not sleeping until 2 a.m. in the morning. She got addicted to it. How to wean her away from this?
It happened lot of times, taking the laptop back and giving it back to her - she says she has home work to do or study on internet. I'm spending sleepless nights when I find her awake till 2 or 3 when i get up to go to the bathroom. Being strict with her is not working. She stops eating food, and treats me as her enemy. How to solve this peacefully without any arguments? How to draw a line for this?
any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Hope lot of mothers out there might have passed this phase or solved it amicably.

Shanvy · Jan 17, 2013

do you think your daughter has internet addiction. since you stay in the us, you could see if her school has counselling for compulsive internet surfing. it is a tough job. my kids have a limit on the net usage, and they have to use the pc in my bedroom and we chose to have it this way for the control.

you need to talk to her, make her realise that she is addicted and needs a life away from internet..

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cantresistusa · Jan 24, 2013

Invite her friends and make her realize what they are doing

or sit with her homework or help her

shyamalajh · Jan 24, 2013

It is true that a lot of homework is done on computer. They need to research too. It will only increase in higher grades. Take away her computer when you go to sleep and keep it with you. If she can access internet through other devices, you will have to take the router to bed. That is the most you can do. Buy software like nanny control and install it, so you know she is not spending time on wrong sites. But take it easy. Some exploration is bound to be done by her.
Arguments will be there. Remain calm and tell her that she has choices on some issues, but some are not up for discussion. Don't respond to her provocations.

Rihana · Jan 24, 2013

sridevi_madduri said: ↑

How to solve this peacefully without any arguments? How to draw a line for this?
Click to expand...

Sit down with her and talk with her (not to her). When only the two of you are around, and preferably outside the house. Mention the obvious things like internet addiction and too much time on laptop are not good for anybody's physical and mental health. Even if the person is surfing the web only for useful information. Listen to her thoughts and opinions also.

Calmly tell her that you will be installing a monitoring program on her laptop. This will let you fix the number of hours she can use the laptop on weekdays/weekends, and also when she can access it (for example after 8 AM and before 10:30 PM only). You will get weekly report of sites she has visited, strings searched for, videos watched. You can block certain websites or categories of websites. Tell her that you will start off with certain settings, and if things go well, you will relax the settings. Seeing the actual report of how much time she spent on the laptop and on each site will also help her understand and recognize her own addiction.

Net Nanny and Norton Online Family are the two popular ones. Very easy to install. Cost $40-50 annually. Money well-spent. Any other method of managing her laptop use will result in many arguments, and nights when you go to bed before her, or when she has to use it beyond your bedtime. She might resist it initially, but that one resistance is easier to handle than everyday's arguments and negotiations.

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rose2000 · Jan 24, 2013

I like Rihana's idea. Good Luck.

sumee · Mar 12, 2013

Hi,
the problem you are facing is very common with all mothers of today. Reason everything is now on the net.
One suggestion will be involve her in other activities.Let her join some classes like dance,tennis,arts and crafts as these will channelize her energy to something fruitful.Also these physical exercises can tired the body and so a child goes to bed on time.
Everyday ensure she finishes her school work before dinner,even if that means working on the computer.Post dinner sit with her and play scrabble ,pictionary,SUDOKU(these can be played online too).This will not only strengthen the bond between you two,you can also involve other family members to join in. On weekends ask her to help you in the kitchen.Suggest to her to browse the net and get some good recipes. She will treat you like a friend.
Teenagers think they are all grown up and feel they are not given the respect and importance they should get.I think as parents we must involve ourselves more in their life ,channelize their thoughts and I am sure the results will be good. Best of luck!!!!!

sapthu02 · Mar 12, 2013

Rihana's idea is a good one..

veenago · Mar 12, 2013

Being close with the kids and telling them the consequences than saying no will help.Sometime we may need to start this when the kids are young.Dont ever say not to do something, but tell them why they should not do.

sarada30 · Mar 12, 2013

Dear sister,

what i feel is insted of arguing with her you start spending time with her by sitting next to her every minute while she is surfing net you wait till she go to bed and you try to sleep with her in that room only may be this would give you some pic of what she is trying to do