Help Me Understand My Maid

Dear Friends,
I am writing to address something that relates to my gruhsakhee.... my maid. I am not sure where to post this so I am posting here- in Friends & Neighbors section.

My maid is a literate (up to middle school), well dressed (her outfits are always neat and clean), well mannered (soft spoken and addresses others as 'aap' instead of 'tu' or 'tum') and very hygiene abiding and neatness abiding lady in her mid to late thirties. Her husband is a green grocer and has a shop of his own.

She is a good maid anyone can have except for the fact that -
1. she lies a lot. she lies about her family/ where she lives/ other households she is working at/ reasons for taking days off, etc. To address this, I have been having minimum - almost monosyllable - conversations with her since I first discovered this fact a couple of years after she started working for me.

2. I have always heard from random neighbors about my society having 2-3 maids who are the major influencers here. They are the unofficial leaders of all the maids working here. They decide which households should be blacklisted (no maid will work there even when the paychecks are high or workload is reduced or whatever - for just plain bullying). They spread rumors about the Madams - that the Madam has OCD and has specific and weird demands about the way work is done in their houses or that certain Madams do not raise salaries even when asked for but pay in kind with their or their kids stuff, etc etc. Recently, I discovered that my maid is one such influencer who dissuaded another maid from starting work at my next door neighbor's.

3. My maid does not work at my place on Sundays and public holidays. Even when she works in certain houses on some/all Sundays or some/ all holidays. I said OK for this arrangement because I thought she is a thin frame person so she may need breaks at work. Besides the official 5 to 6 days off, she takes at least 2 more days off because - Ganesh visarjan / child no 1 or 2 or 3 not well/ guests have come over/ aadhar card updation for some family member/ heavy rains in her area/ local leader has insisted on some social work activity/ house repairs/ festival or some wedding prep/ dispute with her neighbor who may cause harm to her orchard when she's away/ and many such reasons.

4. She keeps asking for loans. she asked for the first time in 2018 or so. For a paltry sum of 3 thousand rupees. Since then she has been asking for 5k or 3K or 6K etc and asks me to deduct some amount from her salary towards repayment. She takes forever to repay because she asks me to pay full salary for some months as she's out of work elsewhere. She cleared her last loan ( 6K taken in 2022 in July 2024). Obviously, I sometimes lose track of her loans and repayments.

Now, I have observed that in the last couple of years, whenever, I ask her to come over (for extra time and extra fees) for only dusting the fans and cleaning the windows, she always gives excuses- either one of the above excuses or that she has gained temporary employment somewhere that keeps her totally busy. I can make out that she's lying because she's always in the colony having long animated chats with someone (in the common areas like near the swimming pool or outside the gym). She has now asked for 10K. She does not ask any other neighbor for any loans. She only asks me. I don't understand what exactly this is.

Am I overthinking about her or is there some way she's gaslighting me?

 

Thank you for your response, @Divyasaravanan . I agree with you. I am too lenient with her. I think my fear of losing her services and the consequent inconvenience of looking out for her replacement is the underlying reason for my fear. I think I will give her the amount and be very strict with her about the repayment. I will tell her that right at the onset of the loan.

 

Thanks a lot, @Thyagarajan sir for your reply. It gives me a good clarity of my situation.

I pass on my daughter’s clothes especially the ethnic ones to my maid for her daughters. The clothes are always new- used only once or twice because my daughter does not a chance to repeat her ethnic clothes all that often. The tshirts and dresses are also new and good to wear. My maid is aware about this. Very often when I hand over the clothes to her, her daughters wear them, click pictures and post them as WA status. I feel acknowledged for my deed.

About food, my maid has clearly told me that she does not want any vegetables/ fruits as her husband is a green grocer. She does take sweetmeats but nobody in her house is particularly fond of sweets. So, on several occasions, she has had her breakfast or lunch or evening tea at my place. But that's all about food.

She seems the most keen about hard cash.

 

Sir, do you have any pointers on how I could avoid her from taking me for a ride?

Sir, do you think I should suggest that she takes loan from the other households that she works for? Or is there any hidden privilege for me in the fact that I am always her chosen one for financial help?

 

Thanks @SGBV for your well articulated reply.

I agree with you about lies. Everyone tells lies some time. What bothers me about my maid’s lies though is the fact that if someday I have to visit her then I don’t even know where she stays. But then, I do understand that anyone (why only my maid) can lie to me about their address or whereabouts. So I must really not worry about her lies. She has submitted her Aadhar card and an employment verification form to the society office anyway.

You are right about all of us influencing people around us. We may influence anyone in general and our own kids and our family members in particular. However, bullying or avenging some petty or perceived insult is never our intention, right? What bothers me is that these maid influencers actually bully the residents here. It does sound bizarre but it is true. Their behavior at times is totally irrational and inane. I think such attitude is rude and unnecessary. It undermines collaboration.
e.g. a neighbor had laid off her maid during the pandemic. Rest of us had paid them full salaries or some had at least paid bench. This lady could not convince any maid around to work for her after the pandemic. She finally got a full time live in maid from her village.

SGBV, I always thought that the rules (written down or otherwise) that apply to corporate environment do not necessarily apply to the unskilled labor force. Mainly so because of the nature of the work and also because of the reasoning and logic abilities (cognition??) of the people involved. I think I have not been totally correct about this then? Or may be it's situation-specific? Thanks for making me rethink about this.

A clean and hygienic maid is a real asset. I must cherish her and be grateful for her presence in my house. Like they say- Behind every successful man there’s a woman and behind every successful woman there’s a maid.

 

Oh yes, @MalStrom , this politics is universal. I have learned my lesson and I will be extra cautious the next time.

You are right. The sense of envy is evident from the comparisons and cribbing that crops up in conversations. And the sense of entitlement is evident through frivolous demands and apathetic behavior.

For now, I think I would be good if I can strike a good balance between gratitude and prudence.

Thanks, @MalStrom for helping me understand my situation better. It means a lot to me.