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Help me to get my real husband out of him

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by dimple7, Apr 28, 2015.

  1. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    You are the most helpful person here who actively participates and helps women here. Thanks for your presence in many of the relationship threads. I learn a lot from reading your posts and hope to create magic in my life too.

    PS:
    updated:
    An IL friend just PMd me after I posted above, and informed me that I may not get the privilege of reading more magical posts. I was away for a while with real-life so didnt realize that it had happened in the last some days. Oh noes!! I shall miss the magic (till another new id comes along)!
     
  2. sveta86

    sveta86 Silver IL'ite

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    @ragini25 he's gone...:p
     
  3. sveta86

    sveta86 Silver IL'ite

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    someone is there just like you who used to message women soliciting friendship and asking personal details , the moderators deleted his id from the site.Please go through the forum etiquette for Men
    good luck
     
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  4. sveta86

    sveta86 Silver IL'ite

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    Even though you edited your post it will still reflect in my quoted reply, don't do smart acting
     
  5. dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi
    First thing is that my MIL does lot of partiality to me. So even if i try hard to please her, cannot put all my heart to it. She shows off infront of her son she cares about me alot.
     
  6. dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    He is not that caring, but whenever he tries to show care, say for eg. If I eat less etc, then his mother would interfere in the middle asking him to concentrate him on his food.
    She never wants that he should feel for me or care for me.
    Last time she influenced him to go with his friend alone and enjoy the movie.
    Everytime they are trying to brainwash him like this
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Dimple....firstly about your mil.
    She is not your mother...she is your mother in law .Most mother in laws are like this.Possessive and wanting to control at least their son' life ...if not dil's life too.

    What you have mentioned happens with most mil -dil.

    Her caring for you in front of husband.......learn from her. You do the same. Nothing wrong in that.You are following in her foot steps.Be extra nice to her in front of husband.This way she will not be able t complain to him.

    Her not wanting her son to take care of you is also normal mil behavior......Have low expectations. You take care of your husband and let him know you appreciate him when he is caring....doesn't take much to do that.Just a cute smile ,an appreciative glance, a little hug for no reason will let him know you appreciate his gesture.When you are alone ...you can look into his eyes and tell him how much you like when he does little things for you or takes care of you. He is your husband....you can hug him,kiss him squeeze him ......whatever.

    Your mil will not like it.....that is her problem.
    Think of it as a hurdle race. You are running towards your husband and your mil is the many hurdles that you have to jump over.Don't worry....your poor husband is also running his hurdle race with his mother to show care to his wife.

    Next time she tries to send him for movie with friends.....tell him openly in front of his mother....'I want to see this movie with you too'.You can join him with his friends too.Even if he goes without you...he will remember that he left his wife back..who wanted to see the movie too.Next time ,he may just make the plan with you only.

    Cheers dimple...these things are normal in arranged marriages.You concentrate on building a bond with your husband. Mil's will cause problems....and you both will have to work around that.

    Do you live with in laws?
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Dimple....just like you feel clueless about your husband and what he wants.....he too feels the same way.He has no idea about what dimple wants and what makes her happy and what makes her sad. It is journey of discovering each other.....and it takes a bit of time.

    What helps is if partners give clues as to what they like and want.
    Eg...if you like your husband when he shows little gestures of caring....let him know you like that.
    If you like going out for movies....and you both go for one...let him know you loved the experience. Don't expect him to know it just because he is married to you.

    You can politely do the same about things you cannot live with too.

    Similarly .....try to look out for his likes and dislikes and make a mental note of it.

    Above all....remember that no one can fit into the ideal man or woman role of ones dreams.It is impossible. You cannot be everything he loves and he cannot be everything you love ....no matter how hard you try.So we all have to learn to live with some stuff.....later on you learn to love to person with all the shortcoming too..
    Just remember....he is probably doing the same.

    Cheers girl and enjoy your newly married phase ......
     
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  9. dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    thnks
    but am also worried about his lack of interest towards me. Love need not be told but it is to be find hardly any attachment or fascination he developed about me....where attachment and trust develops within one month. He hides from me many things and tells me lies....like divulging info about his medical and insurance benefits (that he gets from office) salary details etc
     
  10. dimple7

    dimple7 Gold IL'ite

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    now they have come here to stay with us for few months
     

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