Help me stay confident and positive- husband narcisstic

GiannaC · Dec 29, 2009

Hi
I need support. I have finally built up the courageto tell my husband of 5 years that I unhappy with his domineering and narcisstic behaviour towards me. He is not talking to me and is very angry with me. ( he is more angry about 'why I'm not the ideal wife than he is about my issues with me- he does this, puts the focus back on him and his issues with me).

I desperatley want to help him see that the reason for our unhealthy relationship is because of his bad behaviour of being over controlling and narcisstic. I actually feel sorry for him because he just can't see what he is doing!! I also believe he has developed this trait becuase he lost his father at a young age. I really want to help him so it will save our marriage. Also moreso becAuse I am very unhappy and I want to be true to myself ( I never am because I have low self esteem, that I am working on rebuilding at the moment) and because we have a toddler and I want her to grow up in a healthy family environment.

Can anyone please offer advice how I can stay focused confident during this difficult time?
And how can I deal with my husband, and help
him get rid of this alful habit of being so controlling??

Thanks SOOoO much
Melissa

ars · Dec 29, 2009

Dear,
For sometime forget about convinicing your husband on anything.
Its good you already know your weakness. Low Self Esteem Right.
What are you doing to work on it. My advice would be write down on a paper all your good qualities you know you are. When ever you are feeling low read it. Repeat that to yourself many times a day.
I know it gets busy with a toddler. Always make time for yourself. Do something that makes you feel good. It can be anything simple like read, watch movie, meditate, or it might just be enjoying a cup of tea in peace.
All the best.

vimala1957 · Dec 29, 2009

Hi dear,

5 years is no less a time to understand the feelings of each other. I am happy that you want to do something to set things right. You have told him once the reason for your unhappiness. So let him take his time to think and set things right.

I wish he realises where the problem is, but for some time you stop complaining. Keep doing your duties and also keep yourself busy with the kid and other constructive and creative work. The question of the future of your little one is also very important and kids growing up in a tense environment at home suffer a lot. So no doubt, you must resolve the things soon.

Wish your life smoothens soon,

love

flowerlady · Dec 29, 2009

Dear friend , most of the husbands want their wife to be ideal and perfect , all lovy-dovy, slim, beautiful ,respectful , tolerant , good cooks and above all obedient. They can flirt, ignore , ill-treat their wife and be horrible fathers and hubbies BUT the wife has to grin and bear it ! If the wife lacks in even one dept. they are annoyed.
You are on the right track , build up your confidence , take up a job and learn to live with DH and wait for divine justice. Thats what I am doing being married to Gods greatest gift to me.

GiannaC · Dec 30, 2009

Hello,
reading your response made me so happy because I don't have anyone I can talk to and the fact that you replied is so kind. Thanks slot.

I will work on that list tommorrow and let you kow how I go .
I hope I can repaya you somehow in the future.
Melissa