Help me get it together, please

Ranchu · Jul 23, 2010

Good Teacher,

Good for you that DH understand true meaningful relation Vs Suck-up . your DH might be correct for now. but Gradually it should not back-fire on you .

I'd say try to be diplomatic, Once in a month , try to call your SIL out for shopping . if she says no try one or two times to re-schedule before you let it go. May be for once she will give up and come out with you. :cheers

Relations are the loved ones we turn back to during every occasion. when your family grows , your kids will need cousins to play with and hang out with. Keep trying.. Since you have a supportive DH , its going to be an not-so-horrible job compared to other IL-ites .
However refrain from venting out or lamenting to DH about all your frustrations. Men cannot be silent listeners , their mind works different. :coffee

its a gradual process and cannot be changed overnight . Keep up your good work. :thumbsup
I have no other suggestions to say.

hemalathaK · Jul 23, 2010

need your advice

Hello friends,
I am married for the past 7 years and like everyone was very eagarly waiting for the happy married life.I even knew before marriage that it is the daughter in law's duty to do all the household work and give rest to the MIL.So it was not a problem for me to work out everything(without a servant maid).But my MIL thought that I am a fulltime free servant maid and even started complaining my husband about everything i do.For ex.The water pipe outside the house has turned black due to some weather conditions.But she would tell my DH that i showed flame to the pipe, and she will go to the street fo fetch some corporation water from the tap(the water is used only for her head bath and nothing other than that since the bore water is salty).So after fetching the water she will call me from there to carry that pot to the house.Since all the men in the house( BIL,FIL and DH) will be watching the comedy shows in the TV,i will not be able to hear MIL calling me.Then she will come to house and call me to take the pot.When i go there( leaving the cooking) she will comment in front of the street ladies that i am a deaf.I will be very much irritated but will be keeping quiet for everything.
Even she won't displace the coffee thumbler after having the coffee .After i got a kid my work doubled but i some how managed to do that.But the thing i could not bare is that she never saved a single rupee for our future and tried to save maximum she can for her daughter and critisising me to use everything as less as i can.She will sell the flowers in the garden to others but won't allow me to use those flowers even once in a week i.e.,on fridays also.will sell all the drumsticks ,wont even allow me to take one.Since our bore water is salty my DH asked me to buy lorry water which is sold for Rs.2/pot for our daughter's bathing.But she strongly opposed to that commenting is your daughter a wonder in this world etc..
Since i could not bare all these things(she wont allow me to eat properly during sundays(there will be non-veg as sunday special) i told my Dh about everything happening in the house and that i'can't bare all these things and wanted to go seperately.But Dh opposed to it strongly.Even he bought a washing machine to reduce my work.But my MIL will say clothes are not washed properly in the machine and wanted me to wash her clothes.I too did it for few months and later on I got frustrated since i can' manage the household and my daughter and started using machine wash for her clothes.Now she wanted to complain about me .So she will take her clothes to wash exactly when my DH goes out for work and when Dh asks her why she is doing the work she complains that clothes are not washed properly and again Dh will say then why don't u ask hema to wash? This is for what she waits.I was getting irritated like anything and got severe back pain not able to tolerate the pain.
Then i struggled to go out of the house and at last (after seeing sunday 's cruel of MIL) Dh took me out.Now after two years of seperate living we are in US and now my DH wants me to daily call their parents over phone and talk to them.He even talks to them atleast thrice a week.But insist me to talk daily(i don't know what to talk daily)But don't know how to satisfy my husband's wish.The fault of mine is being born as a girl and marrying.

Menku · Jul 26, 2010

Hi,

This very much sounds like my inlaws....all I can tell u is that the more u show them you are getting irritated, the more they will do it....cos the gang will then know that they can get to you this way....In this case - Ignorne them as much as you can....if ur hubby wants you to spend time with them go along with him and try to spend the time in the get togethr with some other friends....

And according to me such people can never be ur family ....cos ur family will never treat u this way...I dont know the reason as to why do you guys have differences but just leave it cos u cant fix it....and these people are not worth it.....

In such instances the middle finger is used more than often - atleast mine is used all the time and then gradually when they know they cant get to you they will try to control ur husband.....and that is the reason why he has strated to spend more time with them ....

Just Ignore them...cos u cant chnage them, cant tell ur husband to not have any relation with them, U cant be one of them, U cant pretend like them.....so what is the option - to ignore them and sometimes pay them back in the same coin.....people should have a taste of their own medicine and that fixes them....it surely has fixed my mil to an extent but I still have a long way to go with that b****......

Try taking a job in another state or convince ur husbnd to move to another state - dont say cos u are sick and tired of his family but make up some other reason.......

Dont get bothered by their attitude cos they are not a bunch of people who are ur well wishers - Treat them as you would treat ur neighbours and u will not feel as bad.....

They are not worth it...that's all I can say !!

Good Luck !!